The Kiss of Death...

If you want to be kissed...

Comments

Anonymous said…
Brilliant, Layla - you have broached a very important subject today, particularly when this subject is culturally 'taboo'.

Just one point, though! What you've written is applicable, to a greater or lesser degree, to most Asian societies, from the Middle East, right across. The hypocrisy in predominantly patriarchal societies is glaringly evident in most spheres of life.

Thanks, Layla - it's made very interesting reading. The 'radar' bit was quite amusing!

In solidarity.
Anonymous said…
If the Americans, the Jews and the Iranians would limit their genocide of the Arabs to the MALE gender only, Layla would be pro-occupation !!!
Anonymous said…
Louise,

I don't think Layla hates Arab men as human beings, merely the backward mindset and villainous actions of some of them.

Surely she aims at resolving the gender conflict among the Arabs so the social unity would be strengthened and the common effort against the colonizers would benefit.

Your comment is provocative and in a most stupid way to boot.
Anonymous said…
I second you, anti-stupid - that's a truly stupid and ignorant comment from Louise. Hardly surprising, though.
Anonymous said…
What radar? I wish my male life were as colorful as you describe it. If you are planning to 'score', you bring protection, and then some. Even with beer goggles on I wouldn't get wet without a raincoat.

Greg from USA
Layla Anwar said…
Hiya Little Deer,

I think you may have missed this paragraph in the post where I wrote:

"Of course not ALL Arab men are that way and Arab men are not the only ones. Men in in general, share similar traits in varying degrees, irrespective of their nationalities or race."

Regards.
Layla Anwar said…
Louise,

Oh so you wish!

Instead of spewing your american garbage here, go and address the rape of your brave girls by your brave boys in Iraq, and if the military is a taboo subject for you since daddy or bro is one -- go and address the filth of your own society. It does take courage you know, but then your sort are known to be "intellectual" (an oxyMORON in your case) cowards.
Layla Anwar said…
Grrrrrreg from the United Asses,

Assuming of course, that anyone would want to play footsie with you, for starters !
Anonymous said…
That male student perhaps should boycott his penis.
Anonymous said…
hah!

I have been with the same (awesome) woman for the better part of 20 years.

If I played by Arab rules, I would have 10 wives, 100 kids and endless nagging and headaches.

I have my hands full with just one. Here is why:

The Husband Store
A brand new store has just opened that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

The 1st floor sign on the door reads:

Floor 1: These men have jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads:

Floor 2: These men have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and help with Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads:
Floor 5: These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6: You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The 3rd,4th, 5th and 6th floors have never been visited.
(From various sources)

Greg from USA
Anonymous said…
That does describe life in the United States doesn't it Greg?... maybe in other 'western societies' too but I don't live there.

Divorce rate is very high in the United States. And as we know, when a divorce comes and there are children involved, the high percentage of the times custody of the children is awarded to the mothers. Fathers are usually regulated to the standard 'every other weekend' parenting time.
Aren't "rights" wonderful?

Of course if a father is fortunate enough to have the means to fight in court and get an attorney, the outcomes can be different from the standard part-time dad.

In many Asian societies females tend to look towards older men. This is probably changing though. But many times husbands trade in their more mature wives for a younger item, here in America.

I disagree that women are impossible..and maybe that store you illustrated uses False Advertising. :-)
Anonymous said…
Layla,
I'd ike to take this moment to give you a "Thank You".

My thanks is for a piece you wrote a few months ago here on this site and a link you provided. I listen to it quite often and actually purchsed the CD. It was the one from Loreena McKennitt and her Caravanserai piece.

Its deeply moving for me.
Anonymous said…
So Layla, you flay your Arab men like mules all over your blogs calling them in turn "male chauvinists", "egoists", "would-be gods" etc. etc., but as soon as an American attacks them you jump over to their side and become their champion ????????

Girl, aren't you confused !
Anonymous said…
"Divorce rate is very high in the United States" Maybe so - those men are not lucky enough to have as good a wife as mine. I try very hard to make sure she is happy. Divorce happens for many reasons, one being that women are free to be with who they want.

"I disagree that women are impossible..[to please]"

Yes they are. It goes like this:
Her: When are you going to do 'X'.
Him: I thought you said that once you got 'Y' you would be very happy
Her: I was but now I want/we need 'X'.

Translation: She wants 'X', but would be better satisfied with some "special attention". It took me about 10 years to figure that out.

I digress - my earlier point was that not all men are as colorful and reckless as Layla describes. It follows that they are not born evil - it is society that gives them their cues and group think that leads to disastrous behavior.

If only I can help one person to think for themselves and reflect upon their own behavior before condemning ours.

Greg from USA
Anonymous said…
That's a lighthearted piece from you, Greg, and makes a pleasant change :)

Most men tend to say that it's difficult to please a woman - perhaps, it's because they don't know how to and don't bother to find out? Your second store could also be a clue.

And, by the way, Arabs don't have 10 wives! Islam allows 4 wives, but it's not as simple as just having 4 wives - there are responsibilities to it, and a man is expected to treat each one the same, I think. Perhaps, others could enlighten us on this?

Layla, sorry, I guess I'm a little scatty today! I've read your piece again!
Anonymous said…
I'm happy for you that you have a wife that please you. It's also good that you put effort into making her happy.

Yes, divorces take place for many many reasons. It's 'funny' in a way that a perosn will meet another, hopefuly take the time to try to get the know the other...then if they find each other appealing, the realtionship grows and a bond is created.....a bond that was developed by just the way that person is. Its what was in a person and what that person is/was that created the appeal.
Too many times the relationship continues and over time, one of them then tries to change that person into something they themselves want the other person to be. They do not respect the individuality of that other person and instead seem to try to make them a copy of themselves. But whatever happened to the qualities that other person had that made then attractive so long ago in the first place.

Or it can go in the opposite direction. As a person lives and can change and hold differnt beliefs...the other may try keep them as the day they were when the relationship was young.

:-) You said "She wants 'X'..."

Ahh, maybe communication could be improved a bit...maybe being more specific in her needs instead of letting you to figure them out. 10 years?! wow.
I don't believe Layla mentioned that 'all men' were...but do hold certain traits. As a male I have to agree with her because she's correct. If I'm out & about and have a relatively carefree mind at the time and an attractive and intelligent looking young lady catches my view....at times I CAN tend to wonder what her company would be like. The 'company' being anything from hearing her views on certain topics to maybe......kama sutra. :-) If she's Asian,,then kama sutra may be first to come up. :-)

But most of the time I'm too focused or my mind is elsewhere if I pass by or notice an attractive lady. Just depends on the circumstances..but Layla is right.

If I was married I don't know if I would weigh my options or chances to risk my wife for lusts towards another. Some do / some don't, but all men can be moved by " the urge " at some point in their life at the very least.
Anonymous said…
That's a thoughtful post, anonymous above. And you are right about changes in relationships that occur with time. From my observation, this is particularly so when the couple marries at a younger age, perhaps, under 21 years, as compared with a couple which is more mature at the time of marriage. I may be wrong.

Again, with time and added responsibilities, such as a growing family, priorities change, and all this needs to be accommodated within a marriage. All too often, women tend to take on many roles (I think, both in the East and West), in addition to having jobs, and this could also be the reason for disillusionment and domestic strife, particularly if men don't pitch in, as often happens within Eastern cultures. You are very right about 'communication', annoymous, which is a major cause of breakdown in relationships.

However, to go back to what Layla has written, none of these issues are valid reasons for men (married, in particular) to stray, and, in some very sad cases, to give the 'kiss of death' to innocent wives - but as Layla and Greg point out, correctly, it's not all men.

HIV AIDS is the terrible tragedy of our times.
Anonymous said…
Greg, I fergot about yer last paragraph.

I believe I understand it but I hold the opinion ( as being born in America ) that We, collectively as Americans, are responsible.

Im portion of 'native blood'. I had nothing to do with that. And it is impossible, completelt unrealistic to 'give back' the land to indigenous people here. But it should be recognised that a pattern exists. Most Americans view the constitution as the holy of holy of how to treat others. But if we can imagine the times and waht was taking place at that time...not only the British rule here, but the treatment of others by those that were themsleves trying to break from their oppressions.

We've collectively though, have taken for granted what liberties we did have. We've collectively put faith & trust in 'leaders' that have not acted treated all people with respect, dignity and honor. Our leades thru historical facts have not even treated us humanely. Yet for reason we continue to just go with the flow. We've let them get away with so much and look at today. Unprecedented in all human history 'wars' predicated on such falsehoods that it makes a satan/shaetan giggle in insane delight.

Little by little the people holding government positios in America have taken control. Taken control to the point where Cheney says "so" whenasked his views on the percentage of American opposed to this 'war'. Think about that Greg, seriously.
What did these kids and mother do to me?? What did they ever do to you? Could you hold one of those little ones over the ocean in Iraq and carry him or her thru the streets over there and say 'we' did a great thing?? What would you feel walking thra a street in Iraq and seeing the eyes of a little one standing near a doorway peering back at you? This is insanity in it's most raw form.

Deeper than nationality. Deeper than race. Deeper than religion. Deeper than gender. Action is urgently in need here bacause we are living creatures.

Layla upsets you I can tell. Let her. Let her because she has that right. She has that right because that is her country. That is her Life. That is her Spirit...her Soul. You nor I can not judge her for that. What we can judge though is our own government.
Anonymous said…
I agree with what you said Little Deer and I dont think yer wrong. Yer right too, in my opinion, about them not being valid reasons to stray.

If a man is in a relationship,or in a situation where the women believes there is a relationship, the man should be upfront. If he wants another woman, don't let his partner remain in the dark. He should have the courage & honesty to tell her.
Ian said…
Little dear, as you are aware, the Quran does allow a man to take up to four wives but places restrictions such as dictating that all wives are treated equally--that is, emotionally, financially and sexually. And he cannot just pick any hot, young thing that walks by to be wife number 2, 3 or 4. What is most significant (in my opinion) is that the subsequent marriages must serve some greater social good. If strictly applied and practiced I think it would be a very useful tool in some limited instances. I am certain that I couldn’t do it.

Louise, I think Layla very clearly stated her belief that ALL men are prone to the behavior that she speaks of. Her hate for American men and disdain for men of any nationality who are hypocritical and think they are beyond reproach seems consistent to me. I have missed the point of your rant.
Anonymous said…
Yes, Ian, your points are accurate, I should think, particularly about complete equality among wives. As you indicate, subsequent marriages must serve some greater social good.

I have heard, however, that the practice of having four wives is on the decline, - I'm not sure, though.

Yes, anonymous, honesty between partners is the foundation to any relationship.
Anonymous said…
Little Deer: "Arabs don't have 10 wives! Islam allows 4 wives, but it's not as simple as just having 4 wives - there are responsibilities..."

My wife and I watch a show called "Big Love" about a man who has 3 wives. His wives have him running ragged - he takes Viagra just to keep up! Each wife schedules time to spend with him. If he mixes up the schedule, the other wives get very jealous and all hell breaks loose. In order to take care of all his wives and children, he owns a chain of stores and 3 houses. His motivation to meet new wives comes from revelations from God. One of his daughters completely disagrees with polygamy but finds herself defending her dad against outside attacks.

Anyone who can keep 3 wives happy, provide for ten kids and run 3 businesses is quite the hero. I wouldn't try it, unless I thought that's what God wants me to do, so I can't fault other people who live that life. So I do see it not as a big party but as a big responsibility...

Greg from USA
Anonymous said…
I appreciate all the good posts and thoughtful commentary. It's nice for a change to be agreeable.

Greg from USA
Anonymous said…
Greg, with reference to the show your wife and you watch: it is, after all, a show, and, most likely, has bits in it purely to hold the interest of the audience!

However, I agree with jealousy from the wives (that happens with one wife as well!). And also about it being a huge responsibility, not to be taken lightly.

As for your last comment, yes, this particular article of Layla's has been very pleasant as far as us posters are concerned (!), mostly because of its theme, I think. The issue of Iraq is very explosive (pardon the pun), not just on this site among us and certainly not just in the Middle East but very far from Iraq's borders. I know it has caused strife even among families, where views and opinions are very strong, both sides.

In the end, it's about the wanton destruction of an entire very innocent nation. Greg. I'm not sure if you've got to meet even one Iraqi, with whom you have been able to exchange candid views. Perhaps, you may see it differently then? And then get to understand Layla's anger, frustration and deep loss.

Yes, these posts have been very pleasant and I agree with you about it being good to be agreeable for a change!
Anonymous said…
Fillipino maids also get infected quite often in some gulf states more than others because the men in the houses they work in seem to think they own thse women.

very well put article.
Layla Anwar said…
anonymous above,

a few filipinas land in the gulf states already infected...
must be the american western culture that has pervaded the philipines, what's your take on that one anonymous, you may enlighten us more on the subject....
Anonymous said…
I should have said that sexual assault by these 'masters of the house' is in a minority of cases but it does happen and whilst its inexcusable and has no religious basis (some warped people say it has) people get away with it out of fear as shown here (the neighbour's maid)

http://www.otheroman.blogspot.com/

Having said that, most if not all Gulf countries do carry out checks to make sure that workers dont have HIV/AIDs etc so I think that there wont be many who slip through the net.

On a side note, i dont know how any country with any sort of self respect can take on the name of an ex-colonial ruler. As I'm sure you're aware the name 'Phillipines' having been taken from the name of their ex-colonial master King Phillip of Spain.
Layla Anwar said…
anonymous,

too bad blogs don't mention the maids who steal the husbands...and the husbands divorce their wives and end up with the domestic helper as Queen of the household!

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