Cooking Freedom...

I am really running late and need to make it to the supermarket, otherwise no cooking for this evening and no food for tonight...

But, again, I could not resist the urge for a short post here. I want to write while the fury is still boiling at the right temperature...before I run out of fuel.

I want my pot of words to simmer long enough, and I want to chop my sentences, into a nice hors d'oeuvres appetizers...

You see, I REALLY care about your taste buds and your palates.

As a matter of fact I care about them more than you care about them, yourselves...

Let's be honest here, when your men engage in eating and drinking from each other's butt cracks like they do for Rest and Recreation - your famous R & R -- in Afghanistan, in between killing sprees of innocent civilians ...and you can "enjoy" their thumbs up pictures HERE -- reminding me of the famous thumbs up pictures from Abu Ghraib. All done in the same "spirit".

You can hardly qualify that as a civilized, refined taste in eating and drinking, can you now, REALLY ?

To each his own -- before am accused of homophobia. You are after all very free to rim each other as much as you want, but do you really need to screw us in our butts in the process ?!

Let's face it, if you are all some repressed closet gays, surely we cannot be held responsible for your self repression. Or are we, REALLY ?

Surely, you can titillate your very "refined" tastes, in other parts of the world, away from invasions and occupations...unless of course, you also get it off to the sight of blood, amputated limbs and dead corpses - ya'anee a bunch of sadistic necrophiliacs.

Your great altruistic interest in "cultural expeditions" is well noted, thank you. Your endless curiosity for "exoticism" is too. Your "generous advice" on how to conduct our own affairs has been jotted down in historical memos and annals. And the footsteps, graffiti, garbage, stench, as well as the countless victims you leave behind are also recorded...

Now, don't make me waste my time, telling you about your lousy cooking recipes for "a freedom blueprint". Your liberation and freedom concoctions leave a bad taste. Your ingredients are expired and rotten to the core. And your chefs and their staff are below mediocre.

I am not the least surprised. As per your taste buds, ye shall be served...

You know, it does take some backward, morally corrupt people to taste food and drinks from each other butt holes, so am not at all astonished that those who rule you, cater exactly for your tastes. It is a question of supply and demand, you know. Or more like demand and supply.

You demand shit, you will get shit. Oh, how I love those profoundly simple philosophical equations.

A big brouhaha, much ado about nothing, REALLY, is being made around Brian Whitaker, soon to be published book. Now who is Brian Whitaker and what has he got to do with cooking ?

Hold your horses for a second...


Brian Whitaker is the author of Unspeakable Love: Gay and Lesbian Life in the Middle East, and The Birth of Modern Yemen. He is currently an editor on the Guardian’s Comment Is Free website.

Fair enough. Now back to the book. I have not read the book nor do I intend to buy or read it either. The short introduction for me is more than sufficient.

The Title : What's REALLY wrong with the Middle East.

Notice, there are no question marks here. It's a statement. Something is wrong with the Middle East. Now we know, Mr.Whitaker just told us so.

Mr. Brian Whitaker, the Englishman from the Empire, is going to enlighten us as to what is REALLY wrong with us.

And am quoting :

" Everyone agrees there is something wrong in the Middle East. To western eyes it is a troubled region of dictators and extremists. Arabs, on the other hand, often blame centuries of western interference. To many - both east and west - the root problem is a lack of freedom, but what exactly does that mean? Is it just a matter of toppling autocratic regimes and holding free elections?

Looking beyond the turmoil reported on our TV screens, journalist Brian Whitaker examines the "freedom deficit" as it affects Arabs in their daily lives: their struggles against corruption, discrimination and bureaucracy, and the authoritarianism that pervades homes, schools and mosques - as well as presidential palaces - stifling fresh ideas and initiative.

Based on his experiences as Middle East Editor for the Guardian newspaper, together with new research conducted specially for this book, Whitaker argues that the solution lies mainly in the hands of Arabs themselves. Intervention by western governments brings limited benefits and can easily become counter-productive. In order to enjoy peace, prosperity and full participation in today’s global economy, Arabs must escape the prison of their own history and embrace not only political change but far-reaching social and cultural change too. "


So you have it all summed up by the white expert Brian Whitaker. Basically or basi as said on the Jerry Springer show, it all boils to : Corruption, discrimination, authoritarianism that pervades our families, homes and religion, lack of imagination, wealth (as in presidential palaces - of course, Buckingham palace is not included here), autocracy, heavy chains of history that imprison us....Add more of your own colonial stereotypes please...

Brian Whitaker then goes on to enlighten us even further, and note the wordings here, because the cooking of words are most important. And yes, a book can be judged by its cover and its short introduction.... He argues that -- "Intervention by western governments brings limited benefits and can easily become counter-productive..."

Now read the twist here, the bitter lemon zests...Western intervention ?
Does B.Whitaker call Iraq, Afghanistan -- Western intervention ? An intervention is it, REALLY now ? REALLY ?

A simple intervention that brings LIMITED BENEFITS. Oh, so it's an intervention with limited benefits is it now, REALLY ? So what would be the full benefits o' Esquire of not so Great Britain. Interventions that bring limited benefits and CAN easily be counter-productive. So they might not be counter productive, right ? Oh REALLY ?

How about FULL Western invasions and occupations, Mr. Whitaker, do those two ring a bell, at all, perhaps ? are they also considered interventions in your o' sophisticated mind ? And pray tell us, about the albeit "limited benefits" that can eventually become "counter productive".

Now, if B.Whitaker was not some editor of some newspaper, I'd blame it on his ignorance, but as it seems, this fellow has "in depth knowledge" of the Middle East.

So according to him, our "FREEDOM DEFICIT" is the root cause. This is basi, what he is saying. Because he, then concludes with, "in order to enjoy peace, prosperity and full participation in today’s global economy, Arabs must escape the prison of their own history and embrace not only political change but far-reaching social and cultural change too."

Well, thank you Mr.Whitaker for your most precious advice from Mother England. We shall not miss the opportunity to execute ASAP your blue print and recipe for our happiness...

But I have news for you, in IRAQ, and as per your definitions, we had " freedom deficit", so we got " intervened " upon.

The intervention in the form of a brutal invasion and occupation on bogus charges that your own media and corrupt, authoritarian, hypocritical, deceitful, tyrannical government concocted...

We moved in the space of 6 years from "Freedom Deficit" to Freedom SURPLUS.

You know Freedom Surplus, don't you ? Like those American retail Army stores that bear the same name. American Freedom Surplus.

We are so fucking free now, you would not imagine it. REALLY.

No more "despots and autocrats". We have an Iranian Shiite theocracy instead. No more oppression of liberties, we are partitioned as per sect, ethnicity and gender.
Oh, and the gays you have covered in your precious publications, are being massacred, due to FREEDOM SURPLUS.

The intervention of limited benefits, am afraid to break it to you, has by coincidence given birth to 2 million dead, 400'000 reported missing, mass graves, deformed babies that look like Frankenstein, (courtesy of Anglo-American DU and phosphorus), a cool 5 million orphans, a good number of which are being sold and trafficked due to FREEDOM SURPLUS, a nice 2 million widows with zero support, 5 million refugees who refuse to return, rivers and lakes drying up, no drinking water and still no electricity, bombs, kidnapping, arbitrary arrests daily, our infrastructure completely destroyed, our history looted, the most corrupt state governance, we ranked no.2 actually, is that not nice, REALLY, thousands in prisons, raped and tortured with no trial, women waiting in line at the gallows - the highest rate of executions in the world, the worst country for journalists like yourself...

Mr. Whitaker, and I could go and on....

Yes, from Freedom Deficit to Freedom Surplus - This is what is REALLY wrong with us.

And since you, Brian Whitaker, care so much about Freedom for the Arabs, kindly tell your fellow white men to stop eating and drinking from each other butt holes. Please advice them to "embrace cultural and social change" as their freedom surplus is terribly offensive to us. Us, backward, extremists, autocratic, authoritarian, resistant to change, under Occupation, Arabs.

And since am on the topic of butt holes, which seems to be a favorite obsession for the English, and am assuming through your immense knowledge of the Middle East, you are acquainted with our colloquial language, please convey to your fellow white men and women, (including yourself, naturally), my greetings and tell them Layla Anwar, says to you - HEELLO and FOKKO AN TEEZNA, REALLY.

In case your Arabic is a little rusty, I graciously offer you my translation.

GET OFF AND LET GO OF OUR BUTTS ! Really.



P.S: Heello and Fokko are not to confused with Hello and Fuck you. Even though...

P.S.S :Damn it, am way too late for my cooking. An evening with no food - like thousands of Iraqis and Afghans suffering from Freedom surplus due to limited beneficial Western interventions.

P.S.S.S : I miss my old Freedom Deficit - Big time ! As am sure, other Arabs do too, like the Palestinians, for instance. I wonder if B.Whitaker has a blueprint for the Jewish entity, to embrace political, cultural and social change too. But then I will not find out, because am NOT planning on buying his book.

Picture: courtesy of the Anglo-American enterprise. Iraqi woman sitting next to what used to be her home, after a small "surgical precise" bomb fell on it...after a small western "intervention" in curing her"freedom deficit".