An Arab Woman Blues - Reflections in a sealed bottle...

What a surreal evening...bloody hell, I still am coming to terms with it. It started off on a smooth note and degenerated into the all too familiar - hmmm,what shall I call it ? I don't know, you name it for me... I went out with Z. for dinner. Z. remarked that he found me "absent" at times, tonight...I was unaware of being "absent", but then sometimes am unaware of too many things...so I asked him, - You feel am not present enough ? - No, it's not that you're not present enough, it's that at times you're in another place, a place where you seem unreachable...where do you go to ? He caught me off guard... - I go to where my heart is. Giving him an open ended reply -- for him to figure out... I think the very powerful dream I woke up with, left me in some limbo place...and I carried that feeling with me all day. I dreamt I was in what looked like a hospital ward and at times a huge prison. The hospital ward was full of bare beds, rows of them...al...

Google.com/Blogger.com -- RELEASE, my users stats in profile view. It has been fucking frozen at 34'000 for the past 3 weeks. DO IT and stop SABOTAGING me. Because I will NOT quit. Simple.

Give unto Caesar... I am assuming you know the rest...right ? I have this urge to thank a particular someone, Ms. Paola Pisi, Editor of Uruknet . Wait a second here, I cannot profess to personally know this lady, but in many ways, I do know her... I know that she is humble, and is very devoted...to an extent, I still can't get over... And I also do know, that she is the first person that discovered my writings (for all what they're worth) on the Internet. And I still don't know how she managed to find this blog in this vast web of bloggers... I know for a fact, that she does not like personal publicity, but I also know that what is due unto Caesar, must be given back... And that is why, I have to acknowledge, give credit to, and thank, this great lady, who works day and night (literally) to keep people she cares most about alive...even though a lot of them may no longer be with us today... And for that alone, all of my readers need to bow to her. And knowing her, she will i...

When I was 30 or so, I remember meeting a woman, she was 50 years old, and very outspoken, outspoken about everything under the sun...I was taken by total admiration for this lady. I was timid then, unsure of myself, and terribly wanting to please and be approved of...her memory never left me...I remember her telling me word for word "You know something Layla, I have turned 50 a few months ago, and If can't say it as it is now, I will never be able to do it later..." I feel the same way today...even though I have not reached 50, yet... I know I did mention that I wanted to stop writing about politics, occupation and death...for a while, for a break, because it really is having a toll on me...I am a woman after all, and I am the type that feel things deeply. Not to say that others don't but as the song goes -- only women bleed...except maybe for Tizbi Livni, Condi Rice, Hillary Clinton and a few other characters, I'd rather not be reminded of... I also know, I can ...

Impossible to sleep. I may need to take a break...otherwise I will lose the remaining marbles I have left... Muslims are getting killed like flies, daily...displaced in the thousands, sick, hungry..everywhere, everywhere where the Americans and other lesser creatures have set foot... Afghanistan, Iraq, Gaza, West Bank, Pakistan, Somalia...all at the same time. Another disaster is taking place in Somalia and no one is talking about it. I really can't take anymore of that. I remember I had a poster once and it read, " please stop the world, I want to get off " . My exact same feeling tonight.

I met with a friend today for coffee...I have already warned that friend about 10000 times, that if she wants to bring anyone along - she should inform me in advance and not leave me with a fait accompli . Well, she did not. So here I was face to face with a Westerner, my "friend" who if she persists in her ways, will be written off as no friend, and myself. The subject of Iraqi refugees came up and naturally the subject branched out to the main source of all ills and evils - the Occupation. And naturally, Layla is not terribly diplomatic when it comes to the occupation and destruction of her country. Why should I be polite and diplomatic about it ? And what is there to be polite and diplomatic about ? I did not insult the woman or anything, but she did receive a (strong) piece of my mind and she did not like it too much... She was expecting me to go on a self pity party, so she could extend her "empathy" to me and hence alleviate whatever was gnawing at her, presum...

Mashallah , praise the Lord...what fitness ! what swiftness ! what endurance ! Gazelles on the run. Panthers of flexibility. Roaring lions of strength... Please don't give the Iraqi army the evil eye with your envy - touch wood while you're watching this video. Thank you JC for sending it.

Hmm, Let me see where should I start ? Maybe in Ze Lebanon. - Ze Lebanon. As you may well know, (most likely not), Ze Lebanese elections are coming up soon in an atmosphere of great tension. A burning "debate" is still going on, as to whether Hezbollah should be allowed to keep its arms or not. If you want my personal opinion, I would say NO. I mean would you allow an armed sectarian group imposing its own kind of order in your country? Iraqis have already experienced that with the Shiites militias that came from Iran thanks to the American occupation. And we all know what happened to these militias - they became the puppet government of the dual occupation -- USA/Iran. What a lovely couple. Fit for each other. A match made in the White House heaven or more like in the back corridors of the CIA. Anways, still on Ze Lebanon and the International tribunal regarding Hariri's assassination. 4 Lebanese generals (with alleged ties to Syria) were incriminated in the murder, but ...

So what's with Pink these days ? Is it because Spring is here and Summer is approaching -- and you can all let your hair loose, finally ? Now look at that : U.S. defense chief lauds soldier in pink boxers "U.S. Defense Secretary Robert Gates on Thursday praised an Army soldier in eastern Afghanistan who drew media attention this month after rushing to defend his post from attack while wearing pink boxer shorts and flip-flops. In fact, Gates said he wants to meet the soldier and shake his hand the next time he visits Afghanistan. Any soldier who goes into battle against the Taliban in pink boxers and flip-flops has a special kind of courage, Gates said in remarks prepared for a speech in New York. I can only wonder about the impact on the Taliban. Just imagine seeing that: a guy in pink boxers and flip-flops has you in his cross-hairs. What an incredible innovation in psychological warfare, he said." Oh yes, what incredible innovation and courage...in pink boxers and flip ...

I received a mail the other day from someone who I assume to be some Westerner, most likely an American. In it he said that he enjoyed reading my posts, however he requests me to stop using the word "fuck" as it was offensive and that children may be reading it. First of all, children are not supposed to be reading political blogs on the net and should be watching cartoons instead. Secondly, I want to remind this reader and others that if they get offended by the F. word, then they really have a huge moral problem on their hands, because... The American, British and Iranian Occupation has literally fucked Iraqi children. Oh, No ! Oh, Yes ! It does not take a luminary in the social sciences to realize that there is a humanitarian/social catastrophe taking place in Iraq, and for generations to come. I do not wish to go through ALL the aspects here, but suffice to tell you that when you occupy and destroy a whole country, its first victims are CHILDREN and Women. Millions (5.M t...

Useless... Totally useless... How fast I move back into black...it always amazes me. The only comfortable color, the only color I feel safe in, ever since you liberated me, ever since you liberated us... Summer is at our doorstep, all colorful. I go through the yearly motions. Hide the Winter, bring out the Summer...clothes. A task I have been postponing for ever. A ritual I have been postponing for ever... Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Mark the seasons, I tell myself...mark them. Make that passage...it's Summer knocking on your door. I stare out of my window and I say - yes it is summer knocking... Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall...the seasons have become all the same...a question of variation of temperature. That's it. Some days are colder and some are hotter...But they're all the same. I gathered all the good will I could muster, I opened my wardrobe and was aghast to see the amount of black clothes I had. Black sweaters, black trousers, black dresses, black jeans, bl...

I am really a terrible woman. I am full of good intentions and really want to deliver some good news to you. But somehow, Reality catches up with me. Mind you, what you are about to read may be considered as excellent news by some of you, possibly a good majority of you. I guess that does not make me so terrible, after all. You know, I was thinking about "ripple effects", "avalanches" and "spreading fires." I said to myself -- first, Afghanistan, then Iraq, followed by Pakistan. Surely there must be more...surely there must be more "containment" to use a strategist's term. I am no strategist for sure, but I do know a little. So who's next after Pakistan ? Let's work it together through an elimination process. Iran ? Nah. Iran is sorely needed in Afghanistan, Iraq and now Pakistan. Who will play the sectarian card so beautifully well if not Iran ? Hell, they do it better than the Zionists, themselves. Hmmm, who else then ? Syria ? Nah....

I have a suggestion to President Obooma and his administration, a suggestion that will end the "war on terror" once and for all, and will make the whole world a safer place... This is what I propose. Why surge in Afghanistan when you can surge in Pakistan ? Commit a few thousands of your bravest boys and girls, in the Northern Provinces. Do not content yourselves with air power. You need to be physically there. You know, fight the fight. The reason am suggesting that - is because first, I would like you to see for yourselves, the beautiful scenery in the Swat valley and second, since you are so used to John Wayne's cowboy style approach to things, I found an equal for your duels. The Pakistani Pashtuns. You may consider them a local variation of John Wayne. Îf you think that the Iraqi "insurgents" are merciless, that the Afghan Talibans are lethal, you really ought to try the Pashtuns. They are rough, tough and take no shit from nobody. Just like your John Wayne...

1) Najaf A mass grave of about 3'500 bodies has been unearthed in Najaf. The report did not mention the sect. But I can tell you which sect they belonged to. Najaf is the stronghold of the fatso Chief Driller (a Shiite) who is still studying in Iran - Muqtada Al-Sadr. A stronghold of his Jaysh Al-Mahdi who is now, we are assured, been transformed into a "cultural" organization. The "Gandhi" of Iraq as some "objective" western reporters liked to call him , the "fiery brand anti-occupation revolutionary cleric" of P.Cockburn and Nir Rosen, and his Army of the Mahdi - used to kidnap Arab Sunnis from Baghdad and torture and murder them in Najaf. I personally know of two cases, one which vividly comes to mind, that of a Sunni neighbor of ours, whose 14 years old son was kidnapped by Jaysh Al-Mahdi, tortured to death and dumped in Najaf. When she received a phone call to come and recuperate his body - she had to go in a coffin. Yes in a coffin. She...

I am feeling very edgy. Yesterday's post left me seething with a raw rage...I searched for Sense in all this and I can't find it. I sat for a whole hour, shut off every distraction around me, and stayed with that feeling of raw rage, hoping it was going to lead me somewhere, somewhere deeper...somewhere where things made sense, where things were coherent, congruent... I was shocked to find the Absurd staring me in the face...the Absurd holding a mask of Derision, a mocking face, ridiculing me, ridiculing us...So I questioned it. I asked - Thousands of men and women, crossed oceans, armed to their teeth with the most sophisticated weaponry and technology, thousands of mercenaries, snipers, special forces, intelligence groups, logistics landed here...so you can sodomize, rape, kill our men, women and children, so you can destroy our homes, our livelihood, our lives, steal our wealth, so you can exile us....all on bogus charges. Can it be ? Can it be that ideas and concepts of Fre...

They say the Sun rises in the East, in Al-Sharq in Arabic and sets in the West, in Al-Gharb . Ghareeb, Ghorba, Ghorab ...Strange/Foreign, Exile, Crow -- all derivatives from the same word. The Sun no longer rises here. This has become the land of Darkness. Of Strangeness, of Foreigners, of Exile, of Crows and Vultures...feeding off carcasses. An all pervading darkness decorated with your multi-colored banners, colored in white, red and blue, but really all there is, is but a deep black. The black of turbans and chadors and self flagellation in the name of some Mahdi, some Messiah, who if he ever resurfaces, will spit on all of you. The land of Darkness. A land blackened by Deceit. Obscured with Lies. Occulted with Omissions... Here She is, a black statue, absorbing all your shadows, like the Kaba'a. Except this recipient is no stone of patience, or maybe it has become one, more like a statue of salt. They say Salt purifies. Sculpt away in those statues of Salt. The Land of Darknes...

Do you remember that film - As good as it gets , with Jack Nicholson and Helen Hunt ? The guy had some mental disorder and tried everything under the sun to have it cured, to no avail. Don't you love it how Americans twist things. The guy was a fucking nut case, but they call it in the politically correct lingo " a disorder". Anyway it's a great film, you should watch it some day, because...this is as good as it gets. I remember my friend Samia, every time I went out on a potential date and came back "empty handed" so to speak, I'd relay to her all the intricacies of my first meeting, she'd say in her usual fashion - "Dear, this is as good as it gets" and she'd add with no malice, "if it's like this in the beginning, you can be sure it's worse in the end." I love Samia for the deep simple wisdom she comes up with. It kind of reminded me of this killing spree that took place in a "counseling" center in Iraq, ...

Ishtar, Inanna, the Goddess of Love and War. When combined, She gives birth to a painful beauty like in this song - Medinat Al-Hob ,City of Love. Painfully beautiful and sad, in its lyrics, musical composition and rendition by the Iraqi singer Kazem Al-Saher. You might have noticed already, I hardly post Iraqi music and songs, except on rare occasions. Two reasons for my silence on that front. First Iraqi music and songs touch me so deeply, that it is so hard for me to listen to without breaking down in tears...so naturally I recoil from the pain. Secondly, most of the new post-Occupation singers on the Iraqi scene, I find to be very tacky and mediocre. I keep wondering where did these specimen emerge from? We call them in Iraq - Efrazat al Ehteelal , meaning the Discharge from the Occupation. Tonight I decided not to recoil from the raw pain, so I took the time to translate the lyrics. I found one translation online which I was not too happy with, but I did borrow some of the transla...

I hate everything you represent, everything you stand for, everything about you...EVERYTHING. I fucking hate you. You completely destroyed my country, my home, my family, my relatives, my friends, you have completely ruined our lives with your greed, your apathy, your criminality, your hypocrisy, your evilness ..........I fucking hate you. I FUCKING HATE YOU. HATE YOU with every fiber in my body, with every beat of my heart, with every breath I take.... Iraq's riches are being privatized...so your companies and those of the smelly once a month bathing Brits can enjoy their leisurely lives. I still am not sure who is worse - the Jews of Israel or the Kurds of Iraq. Which Zionism is more lethal ? Over 100'000 barrels of crude Iraqi oil are being given away by the Kurds to American, Norwegian and British companies. That amounts to a revenue of 5 Million dollars a day. The Federal government of Baghdad, because this is what Al-Jazeera called it today, the Baghdad government as oppp...

Quietus is an interesting noun. It means " a finishing stroke; anything that effectually ends or settles..." It etymologically originates from the verb "to quit" and is also related to the word "quiet". A rather appropriate word to describe what is happening in and to Pakistan. I have made reference to Pakistan in several of my previous posts - the last one being "Framing Pakistan". Sorry to tell you but tonight, I do not portend good omens for Pakistan. It's alright with me, you may consider me the Mesopotamian version of Cassandra. Not only has Pakistan been framed, it has also fallen into a deadly trap and it will take lots of good will, political shrewdness and strategic acumen to get out of this hole...and I do not see it happening. And I truly hope to be proven wrong this time. After many years of living and observing the Iraqi experiment, I can tell you with about 99% accuracy how the plan for Pakistan will be unfolding in the coming m...

Syngué - Stone Sabour - from the Arabic - Sabr - Patience Syngué Sabour - Stone of Patience. In Persian Mythology, it's about a magical stone that you place in front of yourself, and on which you pour all of your misfortunes, sufferings, pain and miseries... You confide in it all what you dare not reveal to others...And the stone listens to you, and absorbs like a sponge all your words, all your secrets, until one day...it explodes...and that day, is your day of deliverance. This is just a translation from the cover of a book am currently reading, a book written by an Afghan writer called Atiq Rahimi who just received the Prix Goncourt, 2008. A friend of mine who knows of my interest for foreign i.e non western writers, sent me this book. It is called - Syngué Sabour / Stone of Patience. I have been reading it. I love Rahimi's style. Prior to reading his book, I read one of his interviews and from the word go, I could tell, this man had something unique about him... I canno...