Blind Dates...
I have a "friend" let's call her Mona...
Mona is supposedly a friend, or pretends to be, or at least we have this tacit agreement to pretend that we are indeed "friends."
Mona wants to be my friend.
My heart tells me, beware...
But I play along, the social game of "friendship," female friendships.
Feminine Solidarity ? Please do not make me laugh...
And if you add, femin(ist) to it, you will be cracking me up in giggles...
You must be wondering why all of this ? Wait till you hear my latest.
Mona calls me. She says:
- Hiiiiiiii, why don't you ever pick your phone?
Mona has a "strange way" of extending, stretching her words...
- Mona, hello, I hate phones. You know me.(or so I assumed)
- Listen, I want you to meet him.
- Him, who is him ?
- Listen, he is a grrrrreat guy. He is a man of this world?
- Man of this world? You mean a playboy, an Arab Don Juan, an Arab Casanova ?
- oufffff Laylaaaa. Why do you have to complicate things. He is divorced, and has been around...I think you should meet him.-
- Been around ? What do you mean?
- Ya'aani, you know what I mean. He has been around...
Of course, I did not know what she meant by "been around"...
What was this guy? Some kind of Marco Polo on some discovery expedition of "new territory" ?
- Mona, if he is so swell, why don't you date him yourself ?
- Laylaaaaaaaa, you know how much am into X.
X. happens to be some guy who dates every air head in town... Mona loves X and hopes she will "land" him soon...
I have often wondered why some women use the word "land."
Are they fighter pilots, about to land some airplane in stormy weathers?
Like " please fasten your seat belts, put your life saving jacket and head to the nearest exit" kind of landing ?
and Mona goes on...
- Yalla, enough. Your ass is full of cellulite from too much sitting around computers...
- How do you know Mona, have you seen my ass ?
- Noooooooo, but you are always sitting around some computer...
- My ass is in perfect shape, despite occupations and what have you...
- efffff, Layla. Yallaaaaa meet him, forget about politics.
Frankly, I had my cell phone in one hand, and my eyes on some report on Iraqi women, and to shut her up...I said:
- Ok, Mona, I shall meet him, Next ?
- Grrrrreat. I will give him your phone number, and wear a dress plzzz.
- Okkkkkay Mona, I shall...byeeeee
A few hours later , my "beau" calls me. We arrange for a very blind date, late afternoon.
Late afternoon is not early evening, is not early dinner, is not late night drinks.
Late afternoon is late afternoon.
To cut a long story short, I wear a dress, black, of course. And for a change, pick a pair of high heel shoes...put some lipstick and dab some perfume and am all set...for the emergency exit.
The place where I live is filled with holes...
What I mean is that the pavements are covered with huge cracks.
Of course, "Layla on a date," had to step into one of them and trip with her high heels.
And here I was, landing on my face and ending up with a sprained ankle and a bruised elbow, thinking of my "beau" waiting for me...
What a bad omen, I thought to myself...
I picked myself up and hailed a cab. They would stop and stare, honk and drive away...
As you know, there a theee things you really don't want to mess with in the Arab world. The three sh's...
1) Shurta (police). 2) Shofarieh (taxi drivers) and 3) sharameet (hookers).
What the fuck is going on here?
Last time I felt so jinxed was during my brother's wedding when his wife threw her wedding bouquet my way...
Ever since, I have known no peace. And we got invaded soon after...Not that am blaming my sister in law for that.
To cut a long story short, I finally made it to our "rendez vous."
I looked around, searching and "my beau" was nowhere to be seen.
I finally spotted some guy in a dark suit, sitting in a corner holding a cigar...
I secretly prayed "God, please don't let it be him..."
Again, God did not listen to my prayers... For it was him indeed.
I waved in a Mona style,"hiiiiiii", and introduced myself...
Oh Mama ! What a moment of truth...
Finally seated, I faced Marco Polo or should I call him Robinson Crusoe?
- Sorry am late, I...(of course I could not tell him I fell on my face, sprained my ankle, and bruised my elbow).
-It's okay, he waved, sucking on his cigar...
Oh Mama! I had one look at his face and all I could see was some horizontal mustache spread from ear to ear like some Antar.
You know Antar? He is the guy from the fable of Antar and Abla. The stud who saves Abla. And I was no Abla for sure...
I was just a Layla with an excruciating pain in my ankle and high heels shoes too tight for my poor feet.
But,I was not the only one with "tight" around.
He, too had a tie so tightly knotted around his neck, I felt he was about to die, from self strangulation any minute now...
His face took on red colors and he looked as if he was gasping for air...from the tie.
I nearly fainted...
I was polite despite my fainting bouts...too polite if you ask me. I tried "Western Christian" tolerance...
After all, it is not his fault for having such a long mustache and only God knows how much I hate facial hair. Maybe a reaction to seeing too many bearded ones suddenly sprouting out of nowhere...
I did what I do best, let the other talk, except this one would not stop...
My listening skills consisted of monosyllables, like " hmmm, ohhh, ahh, emmm..."
But the "tournure", the turning point came about when Marco Polo asked, sucking on his cigar :
- So what do you do for fun?
- Fun?...(I had lost the meaning of the word fun for quite some time. What is fun ?)
I know your brave boys shooting for fun, or raping for fun...Someone give me a new definition of fun. NOW please.
Of course, Mr. Marco Polo did not even bother to hear my reply, he continued...
- Entertainment has become so available and cheap these days.
- Oh really ? What kind ?
- You know...
And I saw that twinkling smile in the corner of his eyes, overshadowing his horizontal mustache...giving it some brightness, some light...some force...some male power...
- No I don't (playing dumb as usual)
- You know, ever since...
- Ever since ?
- Ever since, you know, Iraq ...
- What do you mean ?
- Ever since...there are so many "poor" Iraqi women around...
He needed say no more...I understood. Perfectly, understood.
If there is one aspect of the Occupation that I detest most...
If there is one consequence of the American Occupation that I loathe the most, it is that one...
Of course, I hate all of its aspects, but this one is the hardest to swallow...
That of seeing young and old Iraqi women, selling themselves...
Never mind your Adam Smith theories of supply and demand. Never mind, your old adage of it being the oldest trade around. I simply don't buy it.
My question is thus, how many horizontal mustaches "sin frontera" did it take?
Ok, let me try again.
How many motherfuckers, Americans and various other nationalities did it take to turn our women into forced " prostitutes" ?
Are you shocked by the words "motherfucker" ?
Everytime you "fuck" with one of us, you are a motherfucker...
You are indeed fucking your own mother.
Does not matter if she is 16 or 60.
We are holders of that "essential knowledge" being the first and most likely the last around...
And no, you know nothing about civilizations. You are too busy with "it".
But our women do...They know everything about it. They saw it. They saw civilization in pieces, reflected in your eyes, whilst you were doing your thing... and whilst they thought of their kids and the bare, empty, rotting, dining tables...
Despite their heavy make-up.
Despite their dancing around some cigar smoker, horizontally mustached Antar.
Despite waiting for those 5 dollars bills falling in their lap after some "motherfucker" like yourself, has thrown it their way...
WE hold that knowledge.
And we fuck you, you don't fuck us... Do remember that one.
Since you could not get us through sanctions and bombs, you try to get us through our bodies...
Oh! That body, how many a times it was violently exposed to your lust.
Reality is crude and I am Reality.
How you lusted after those virgin breasts, those virgin thighs, those well preserved openings...
You did everything in your power to make sure the gates would open...
Forcibly open, for some horizontally mustached guy or some clean cut brave boy, or some impotent cigar smoker motherfucker handing out his dollar bills...
A 5 or 10 dollar bill that will feed a baby's suckling mouth. A 5 or 10 dollar bill
that will buy some bread, finally delivered on some rotting table...
And you can go on sucking on your cigars, slogans, theories or whatever the fuck that turns you on...
And you spend the rest of your time filling in gaps...
Finding the right words, the right sentence, the right political theory that "fits."
That fits the holes...that fits..."the sociological" anaylsis...of cause and effect....and you produce your articles.
So well thought out, so well structured, so well balanced...
Articles, statistics, reportage, documentaries, films...
And you celebrate great achievements. You stroke your shoulder, in moments of nostalgia, remembering that pat on the back...for being o'so humane...
And you lay back, smoking your cigar or your slogan, like some brave hero, figuring out what to say next...
And I sit here, on a blind date, searching...
Searching for some hand that will save me...save me from words, from perceptions...from theories, from a reality that you created and are too busy analyzing, explaining, defining...or fucking...
And I sit here, across some horizontally mustached man...
And I see in his eyes hundreds of horizontal women, waiting, in the blindness of the night, waiting...for it to be over, for it to cease, for it to turn around...
And I can't help think, of them, of me, of us...And I see your faces, turned away, theorizing, cashing in, or shooting...
All blindly...shooting away words, shoooting away bullets, shooting away...some virility...
Sucking on cigars, or sucking on guns...
And I look around and see nothing but blind faces, blind eyes, blind souls...and wonder with all this blindness, when will the final date come.
Painting: Iraqi artist, Raed Farhan.
Comments
What a prime asshole you truly are.
If you are in need (which I highly doubt), why don't you exploit your literary talent to earn a living instead of debasing yourself dining around with shady strangers with or without a mustache ?
Unless, of course, you invented the whole story.
Again - you don't have to publish this if you don't want - I am a fan. of your writing that is.
That asshole (the anonymous who sent the first comment above) I wanted to say,
the fascist-minded and closed-minded people (especially from the States) they are complete idiots and they pigeon hole us into categories.
The concept "citizens of the world" is foreign to them.
They think we have to fulfill their stereotypes of us. We have to be either fanatical bedouins, or treacherous gaudy low class urbanites.
Unlike Europeans in general, who do have open minds and have hung out with us urban , multi-lingual , cosmopolitan arabs, the right-wing Americos are incapable of handling any body acting outside their expected stereotypes.
It doesn't compute with them. So khodi min da keteeer.
They'll pigeon hole you or me or any arab that doesn't "fit the mould" as "westernized" or "arab" or whatever the fuck Spielberg and Menahem Golan movies weened them on for too long.
They fail to understand , they of the US of individuality (individuality my ass by now), that every individual is unique. And every society has every kind and shape of lifestyle , educational background, social background.
I know men and women (arabs) who pray and party, those who pray only , those who party only, who believe only , who pray and are pro-mainstream, who pray and not mainstream, who don't pray but are very spiritual, christians , muslims, agnostics, atheists, etc etc.
Those assholes should know there is every stripe and color in the spectrum in ANY given society. There. Hope i didn't bore you much.
In solidarity.
Here's a song for you, by Fats Domino
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bm8YpHd4_Is
You sure do know how to whine, sometimes. Surely you know how to simply get up and walk out the door?
Outside of that the alms tax in the local community would go a long way in supporting people. The host community also acted like a 'community' and aided fleeing people rather than act like wild beasts seeking out the opportunity for meat "laham".
Where is all the Zakat going or dont people pay it anymore in the fertile crescent?
"what do you do for fun?"?! Laila, I gotta hand it to you..you picked a real smooth operator :-)
You cant but laugh at dickheads like that.
wish you well for next time ;-)
Are you sure that this dude is not related to the Al-Sabah of "Kuwait" by any chance ?
I hope you gave him a good slap in the face and just walked out after that.
They running forward with necks outstretched, their heads uplifted, their gaze returning not towards them, and their hearts a (gaping) void!
So warn mankind of the Day when the Wrath will reach them: then will the wrong-doers say: "Our Lord! respite us (if only) for a short term: we will answer Thy call, and follow the apostles!" "What! were ye not wont to swear aforetime that ye should suffer no decline? "And ye dwelt in the dwellings of men who wronged their own souls; ye were clearly shown how We dealt with them; and We put forth (many) parables in your behoof!"
Mighty indeed were the plots which they made, but their plots were (well) within the sight of Allah, even though they were such as to shake the hills!
Never think that Allah would fail his apostles in His promise: for Allah is Exalted in power, - the Lord of Retribution.
One day the earth will be changed to a different earth, and so will be the heavens, and (men) will be marshalled forth, before Allah, the One, the Irresistible;
And thou wilt see the sinners that day bound together in fetters;-
Their garments of liquid pitch, and their faces covered with Fire;
That Allah may requite each soul according to its deserts; and verily Allah is swift in calling to account.
Here is a Message for mankind: Let them take warning therefrom, and let them know that He is (no other than) One Allah. let men of understanding take heed."
42, Surah Abraham, Quran
I could say no more...
I have a serious comment for a change. Take what Anony-Mouse says:
You seems to lead quite a squalid "Westernized" lifestyle for a supposed champion of the Arabo-Islamic values.
Now I keep arguing with a certain "peace-protester" type who wants to defend "Muslims". Now IMHO the use of the term "Muslims" is just as dehumanising as Bush's use of the term "Islamo-fascists". I maintain that this "left-wing" British government has helped kill over a million Iraqi PEOPLE.
Now do come on my darling Layla, please write me a nice article about PEOPLE, and not "Muslims". I admit that I'm not a great writer, and I need a little help here. I've had a go at it already, but I don't think I write well.
Frankly, I think you are a despicable character. You actually make me want to throw up...
Debase you asshole? Meeting someone on a date is DEBASE?.
What a fucked up man and am assuming you are a man because only someone from the opposing sex can come up with so much garbage.
Keep doubting my authenticity, I surely do not want it to be confirmed in worthless eyes like yours. You are not only disgusting you are also an ignoramus, because you FAILED to understand what this whole post is all about.
And God forbid, that an arab woman should make claims to anything : money, power, fun, or sex...
These are reserved for impotent dickheads like you right?
Fuck you.
Otherwise.. I love your blog. God bless you for providing us and other readers with a realistic and coherent POV that none of the media outlets (or other bloggers outhere) dare even to provide. I wish we had more of the Iraqi's like yourself who can run and govern this country instead of these thieves and bastards who have terrorized us and robbed their own people and country.
Just ignore the rude or otherwise crude comments that this person is leaving on your blog. He/she is obviously trolling for attention and probably enjoys seeing you get all rallied up.
-SA
Weren't you in deep mourning for the loss of your country, family, friends, etc. ?
Since when do mourners go out on blind dates ?
Either it is all some sort of allegory or you're truly a callous libertine.
Let me see now, we have the literary critics who take offences at the F word...
Then we have the torch holders of Virtue and Morality who crawl out of the woodworks...just because the word "date" or "sex" is mentioned....
Then we have the camouflaged zionists,
Then we have men pretending to be women and some women pretending to be men, on some destructive mission. Eaten up by jealousy and a good amount of pent up misplaced energy...or should I call it sexual frustation.
And of course one has the occasional troll, like some zeinab character who loves being bashed around...but the she belongs to the above group too.
And let me see what else is there?
Quite a few characters, sordid characters who are simply mentally instable...
All the above categories have one main aim or at least their comments and various devious ways lead to ultimately one thing.
Either totally destroy this blog of mine or at least make me shut up for a good while...
I have news for you guys and gals,
none of it will happen.
You do not like my blog, you do not like my writings, you doubt my authenticity, you doubt my sex, you doubt my nationality, you doubt what I say, or the stories I write, you doubt and you doubt and you doubt...
That is perfectly ok with me.
There is one simple solution to all of that. STOP READING ME.
I like what you wrote. You really summed up well.
I believe those of us,arabs, somewhere in a cultural no man's land, are categorized not only by the west but also by our own kind.
Seems everyone wants to push us to fit the bill, the image or the mold, and those who resist in their own individual ways or even collectively, are forever brandished either in prisons, or made to shut up one way or the other...
I liked your comment very much. Thank you.
And if this occupation lasts for 20 years, then every single woman or man for that matter, should absolutely stop living whilst some repugnant caracter like yourself, can go about his-her life .
I suppose in your book, every single Iraqi, should not only bear the occupation but should simply stop living, stop breathing... Another form of ideological genocide.
We should remain the martyrs, the victims, the feed for YOUR non existent conscience...hoping maybe you will be eventually nudged somewhere and wake up...
But you are so fucking arrogant, and so damn blind to the extent that instead of fighting the cause of our misery and instead of supporting our us in whichever way you can, you come and you give us lessons in patrotism and morality...
That makes you another prime asshole in my book...
I never said I doubted or even questioned the authenticity of your blog. I realize this is your own personal writing and blog, but I think your points of views and ideas come off a lot better with perhaps less harsh words. Of course, I don't blog, so I can just shut the fuck up and mind my own business and NOT read your blog anymore.. But I never said I would stop reading your blog because of the curse words.
It is your own blog.. so you can do whatever you want with it. You seem to be like a decent person with a good head on their shoulders who understands and knows what Iraq and the issues are about.. unlike the looters and scum bag occupying it now.
I hope you continue blogging and providing us (readers) with more thoughts and real information that our country desperately needs to put out to the world.
Take care,
-SA
maybe its simply some lover/friend u wounded sometime in the past trying 2 get his/her little revenge ;-)
Besides, I have no time for your rubbish.
What I said was not only directed at you even though parts of it were in reference to your earlier comment.
If I start bowing and bending to the wishes/taste/preferences of every single reader, then I will have to stop writing. Full stop.
I am aware I do not please everyone... Some like it cold, some like it hot and some like it bland...
This is my own cuisine for the moment.
And thanks for your words of solidarity.
Regards.
"Women"
Fuck is womens money.
We pay with our bodies.
There is no purity in our love.
No beauty. Just bribery.
It's all the fucking same.
We make soldiers with our submission.
Wars with our isolation.
Fuck is womens money.
We pay with our bodies.
There no purity in motherhood.
No beauty. Just bribery.
It's all the fucking same.
We are all slaves to sexual histories.
Our awareness of whoredom can be release.
War is mens money.
They pay with their bodies.
There is no purity in that game,
Only blood, death and bribery.
It's all the fucking same.
But we've got the power.
Don't just stand there and take submission on the strength of fear.
FIGHT WAR, NOT WARS.
You sound so much better today. I loved your post, It was such an eye-opener. Mona is a girl of money Layla. And hairy lip is a so called man/boy that couldn't get a date with out his dirty money and cheesy smile.
It reminds me of a Charlie Daniels song called,"Long haired Country Boy" it goes. "Poor girls want to marry, rich girls want to flirt, a rich boy goes to college, poor boy go to work."
But I love the next line, "But, I Ain't Asking nobody for nothing if I can't get it on my own. So if you don't like the way I'm living you just leave this long hair country boy alone."
Kindda like saying FUCK YOU!!! LOL
Layla I think your friend mona is a money girl, you can do better on your own. Trust yourself!
It's good to see you still have your sense of hummor.
Take care my sister and may the good winds always hit you in the back. with love
howling wolf
Kindda like saying FUCK YOU!!! LOL
---
thats hilarious
The last bit sounds like a page from CRASS:
--
more like crap
I feel like am in kindergarden in this blogosphere. Do check this link, maybe eventually you will get it. Am not holding my breath though.
http://uruknet.info/?p=m37474&s1=h1
Not that some Iraqi women have been reduced to desperate lengths by the invasion and occupation of their country. Unfortunately that is a by-product of all wars.
No what needed to be said was that the US has caused this to happen. As long as those selfish pigs wrap themselves in the cloak of a superior yet quite false morality (pretty much as commenter number 1 has) they will continue to inflict horror upon the world. That is unless they can be made to see exactly the evil they are doing.
Which is why the post is important. It isn't an easy subject but it needs to be said.
As for the prtty jealousies and backbiting that many of the other posters have indulged in, the fact it is understandable doesn't make it excusable.
Go to the South of this planet and check some of the places that have been colonised for hundreds of years. Such narrowly focussed and short-sighted sniping is all too common. All it gets is more exploitation. When people fight each other they don't fight their oppressor.
If the tale that Layla told makes you feel angry, don't take your anger out on the story teller, direct your anger at those who made the story happen, the invaders.
Thank you for your comment, it is well put.
Thank you for your excellent article. Too bad so many of your readers really do not get it. It is not about "dating," It is about desperation and shame. You should be applauded for your courage and for baring your sole. one thing the capitalist entity and the zionist entity try to require that their serfs be constantly humiliated and required to act like they like it. Obviously, you don't. As for your language, give me fucking break. Thanks again for telling it like it really is. angry irishman
Thank you for visiting and for your words...
How right you are.
The Rape of Iraq has led to the rape of its Women. It is one and the same. Thanks for spotting the obvious. A rare thing indeed.
By the way, when is St.Patricks day in Ireland?
"Anwaristan" would be the name of the novel that Kafka would be writing if he were alive today.
Anwaristan - hahahahahahahahahahaha
This is too much...
Please do not repeat it often lest the Americans will think it is some undiscovered territory in Iraq that they have failed to occupy...
Good one Curt !
I will start crying if I read it again.
What the hill is going in our Arab world?
What happened to those good people?
As Mothafar Annawab said:
"there will be a destruction
this nation should take a lesson in destruction"
سيكون خراب ...
سيكون خراب ...
هذي الامة لا بد لها ان تأخذ درسا في التخريب
Maybe this is a wake up call.