Lonely Survivors in the Cold...


What is Life ? You breathe in and breathe out...but you have no power over your breath.

You breathe while you are unconscious and you breathe while you are asleep, and you breathe in your dreams and your nightmares...but somehow you believe you control your breath and that of others...

Breathing is the vital function that indicates you are still alive. That life is still circulating in you...

Torture is about leaving you breathing but with no life circulating.

Torture is about exercising the ultimate control, leaving you to hover between life and death. Torture is not only sadistic, it is the ultimate ego trip of someone mistaking himself/herself for God, for “Pneuma”.

I’ve written over 300 posts thus far, and if there one subject matter that paralyzes me with both - anger and indignation, it is that of rape and torture.

I am deliberately referring to both Rape and Torture as one and the same thing.
For me they are one and the same thing.

Torture is a form of Rape and Rape is a form of Torture . Straight Murder sounds like Mercy in comparison. But then Murder can be considered as the ultimate form of Torture. But it does somehow come across as clement in contrast to the following stories.

“We left Baghdad because we were threatened by the Mehdi army. We had to go immediately, leaving everything: clothes, furniture, all the things you accumulate when you live more than 20 years in the same house. Things had been getting worse for a while. One event especially, sticks in my mind.
Neighbors of ours had been forcibly removed from their home three houses down from us.
One morning a few days after they had disappeared, one of my daughters walked down the road and saw the heads of our neighbors lined up on the wall of the house. She was hysterical and couldn't leave the house for weeks...”


Seeing heads of your neighbors lined up on a wall is a form of psychological torture.

Here is another story.

“ The young woman was walking with her husband along a Baghdad street when she was abducted, held captive and raped repeatedly by five militia men for several days.
Before, she was very proud of her body but now she is overweight -- she eats to protect herself and not to attract people..."

Rape is another form of Torture.

Or how about that one.

“British soldiers in Iraq have been accused of torturing and murdering captives.
It is claimed 22 Iraqis died in custody and nine survived torture. Alleged abuses include eye-gouging and mutilation...”


No need to go over Abu Ghraib again. The rape, the sodomy, the horrendous torture, the breaking of bones and skulls, the parading naked covered in feces, the wearing of stained panties as a face bag, the blood smeared corridors and walls, the forced masturbation in group, the unthinkable...

Abu Ghraib will never leave us Iraqis, but do read this for a reminder, lest you have already, conveniently forgotten.

“ Mohammed, a refugee in his late 20s, is a particularly hard off case. Mohammed was a former bodyguard for Saddam Hussein and was later imprisoned by the U.S.-led coalition. He suffered torture, unbelievable torture -- they gouged out one of his eyes, and he can't walk properly - she says (his counselor). He is very, very depressed. Every time I see him I don't know if it's the last, because he's suicidal...”

Have you noticed a common thread to the above stories – apart from the obvious torture that is? I have.

What is this Western, Aryan sadistic lustful, fascination with Arab/Iraqi heads and eyes ?

Heads cut off, eyes gouged out...a woman who does not want to look at her body anymore... What is it they are preventing us from seeing ? What is it they want to blind us from ?

Which reminds me of another story I read yesterday on Iraqirabita. A member of Jaysh Al-Mahdi (you know the militias that the Anti–War, the Cockburn family and Arab “leftists” consider patriotic and anti-Imperialistic) has taken a break from his “daily activities” and is now working in the ministry of Interior.

A colleague of his, noticed that the guy whose name is Ali Kha’zal is not well. He looked very pale and his colleague was rather worried and probed him for more information and suggested that he consults a doctor.

Ali Kha’zal opened his “heart” to this colleague and told him the cause of his illness. He had kidnapped a Sunni father and his only 7 year old son. After torturing the father in front of his son, he shot him. Then came the 7 year old boy's turn. He opened the boy’s mouth and placed the gun inside and shot him as well.

The boy was staring at him and he died with his eyes staring at him...He tried shutting them, but they remained open staring at him. Since that day Ali Kha’zal from Jaysh Al-Mahdi has the boy’s eyes follow him everywhere, day and night...


The latest figures concerning survivors of torture are staggering.
UN surveys finds that 1 out of 5 Iraqis are victims of Torture and Violence. And the UNCHR is asking for 261 million $ for psychological treatment only. And the necessary funds have not come forth yet.

Living, surviving with your physical, mental, psychological, emotional, spiritual wounds and scars, some of them raw open – still, without professional help is what the majority of Iraqi survivors “live” with daily. Alone and unattended.

Add to that, lack of financial security, extreme poverty, no employment, no food, no resources, no medical care, no proper housing, no schooling, no network of support...And what do you get ?

What do you expect from someone who has been stripped of everything, EVERYTHING and is suffering from terrible mental anguish at the same time ?

How long would you survive in such circumstances? How long would you last? How long would you last before falling into a psychotic madness or committing suicide ? Do you ever ask yourselves such questions ?

OK enough about little you. Let me continue with another story...

This, I received from a survivor I have met on one occasion. I have translated parts of his letter.

“ Dear Layla,

I don’t know why I am writing to you. I felt the urge to do so, even though I am not writing with a particular request, nor am I asking anything from you...

I do remember when X introduced us, and I was telling you my story and the ordeal I suffered at the hands of the militias. I remember that you just sat there silently, almost detached, and at one point I wondered if you were really there and if you were listening at all...I saw no expression on your face, your face was blank, like a slate...

But you kept contact, by looking into my eyes...I will not forget that gaze. I will tell you why. I remember when I finished my story and told you about my release from the militias, and recounted to you how I was found by some villagers who took me in...I told you they bathed me even though the water would sting my open wounds, they fed me, and they covered me...and I remember telling you that I felt I was like a helpless infant, totally dependent on the goodwill of anyone who would take me in...This is when I saw your eyes fill up with tears, shining like little stars...The brutality and hatred of my torturers did not seem to move you, but the kindness and care I found among the villagers did...

Then I understood that you were focused on the cruelty and the kindness of some...It’s as if you were trying to sort them in your head, it’s as if you were relieved that some good people are still out there...

I find myself thinking along those same lines...Every time I meet someone, I look at them, I try to sort them in my head and guess, are they good or bad ? Because I now know that there are torturers living amongst us even in exile...

I also remember telling you how relieved I was to leave Baghdad. That I hated it and hated everything that reminded me of it. You said calmly “that will change — it’s just a reaction.” And you also said “expect the ghosts and shadows to follow you, not right now, but they will re-emerge later...expecting them will take their element of surprise away...”

Frankly I did not quite understand that. But today I do. After that initial phase of elation, having escaped the prison I found myself in, even though I was innocent, after the high of leaving the hell that is Baghdad, I find myself longing and yearning again...I miss home, I miss my friends, I miss my family, I even miss the rusty nails of our entrance door...and I miss the villagers, Layla. How to explain that?

You were right about the ghosts and shadows...they follow me everywhere.

My nights are filled with nightmares and I wake up shouting or I dream of my dead parents and relatives holding me, again like an infant...I miss their love and tenderness...I see my torturers in my sleep so I stopped sleeping.

Some days are worse than others...Some days my whole body aches for no reason, and I feel as if it is broken into a thousand pieces. Other days, am irritable and snap at everyone and sometimes I catch myself breaking in tears with no reason...like last Friday.

I went to Friday prayers, and while prostrating, I felt my tears covering my face and I could not sit up again, everyone around continued the prayer and I stayed prostrated with my face to the ground. Maybe I did not want them to see me cry...

My life is very difficult. As X already told you, we have no income and I can’t work here...I roam the streets, and pretend they are the streets of Baghdad, pretend it is home...I even pretend that my actual neighbor and local grocer are the ones from my neighborhood in Baghdad. I pretend all the time but at night I can’t sleep, because at night I can’t pretend anymore...

The other day I left the apartment, I could not bear to see anyone anymore...I walked for hours, and I seriously contemplated going back but the ghosts and shadows followed me even during day light and I realized that was simply impossible...

Layla, am a changed man. I don’t know how to explain it to you but am not the same person anymore...I long for my previous self and I look for him and don’t know where to find him anymore...

Thank you for listening to me “



Painting: Iraqi artist, Zaid Haidar.

Comments

RhusLancia said…
That was nice of you to listen. If you are moved by the kindness & goodness of those villagers' deeds then maybe the real Layla is more human & caring than the one who posts on this blog.
Anonymous said…
Sumac the Professional American Killer,

You are the last one to speak of humanity to me. Not only you support a murderous occupation that has led to these survivors stories, but you have also been engaged in it.
So shut up and go back to your hole next to the rat jeffrey.
Anonymous said…
Iraq, Israel, Palestine, Iran, Hezbollah, Hamas, friends forever.

Love all Serva all. I knew you had a heart all along Layla. Thanks for reconfirming my faith in humanity; and my faith in you.
Anonymous said…
the truth has astonishing power, even if powerless those saying it...
plain truth, just plain truth, that makes the stone cry...
I am speechless...
Anonymous said…
See Good, Do Good, Be Good

Layla, Annie, Sumac, Jeffrey, Nasrallah, Muqtada, Rhus, Hakim, Allawi, Mutlaq, Mouttah friends forever.

Love grows. Love "is."

Go Layla! Go Gaidan! Go Abdul Mehdi!
RhusLancia said…
Layla: "Not only you support a murderous occupation that has led to these survivors stories, but you have also been engaged in it. "

What I support seeks to end the cause of decades of survivor's stories. I'm no fan of militias, but I do understand that they are backlash against the tactics of your "resistance" heroes who slaughtered so many innocent Iraqis. Now that the insurgency is fizzling, the militias can be dealt with.
Anonymous said…
layla, once you stop watching hollywood movies and listening to their music, and start acting like a Muslim, give me a call, then we can talk. but you are still in a love/hate relationship with your masters. a slave cannot be free until he has the courage to fight back. complaining won't cut it. you should only complain to God not to us.

i wish you will have a change of heart, and experience the comfort that comes with belief. all else will seem irrelevant. if they fight you then fight them, don't watch and listen to them, fight damn it. how can you sit idly when you see what you see and hear what you hear?

reminds me of the DUMB Ay-rabs who until today have hope in america :-) no matter what they do, they still beleive in them! this is from watching too much of their movies, believe me.

ask yourself why you hate HEBREW but NOT English alphabet?

reason is you can't hate what you love or what you are endulged in.

wake up smell the arabic coffee, you've been drinking american coffee too long now.
Anonymous said…
Layla,
your words are precious and beautiful, I beg you not to waste them on such lowlife creatures (like the above commentators)
they are just example of “there are torturers living amongst us”
Anonymous said…
yes words are touching, tito get me some tissue
bARABie said…
Well said binyameen but the ho layla is like her mom, a sell out sharmouta.
bARABie said…
e, STFU moron, you obviously know nothing about your "dear" LIEla.

Her and that slut paolo from uruk are two of the biggest sell out sluts around in the virtual world. Two old hags who can't get a dick.
bARABie said…
Uruknet admit publishing zionist propaganda

I don’t know how i missed this comment by paolo but read this and read it again and again and again until you see what i mean.

Quote:

“Whilst most of the so-called anti-war websites run only iranian and sadrist (and zionist, of course) propaganda, that lady attacks countinuosly just
uruknet. And only uruknet.”

First Paolo admits publishing zionist propaganda quite clearly (read the above quote again then).
Uruk, paolo says, is an “anti-war website” who not ONLY runs zionist propaganda but ALSO “iranian and sadrist” propaganda.
Thank you paolo for pointing that out to me, i honestly didn’t think about the fact that you publish “iranian and sadrist propaganda”.
Btw paolo, anyone publishing not only zionist but iranian and sadrist propaganda doesn’t have any right to tell me who i can or should criticize.
paolo, TFOU.
Paolo (is that how you spell your name? ;) ), i have a few questions for you.
If you publish ” iranian and sadrist (and zionist, of course) propaganda,” PLUS articles in support of Iraq, does THAT mean you are immune to criticism?
Does that also mean you are NOT publishing zionist propaganda?
Or is it ok to publish zionist propaganda, so long as you publish articles in support of Iraq as well?
BoNd said…
Being born and brought up in the land of Non-Violence.......land of Mahatma Gandhi I feel so sad and angry that people like Bush who is a fool and his advisers(the devils) who have got so much power is using this enormous power to torment and torture innocent people.........

Every country has its evil elements, there are lots in my own country too....... the militias in Iraq are doing more harm to its own people than good....

I dont know if Non-Violence will help resolve the current situation which is in a exploded state......I would like to believe it will...... people need to live and let live......I hope the fools like George Bush and his cronies will understand this soon before its too late for America.....

May god bless the Iraqis......
Anonymous said…
"Because I now know that there are torturers living amongst us even in exile..."
And everywhere else too. It will take only one step for them to reveal themselves - only one small catalyst for their colors to show...
Anonymous said…
barabie,

why would Layla be interested in pressing charges against you?
Anonymous said…
bond please I know this is a blogsite that is a far cry from a no spin zone but come on. Violence exists Everywhere and and all levels other than wars.

Ive seen where Hindus have attacked Muslims & Muslims attacking Hindus.
bARABie said…
"why would Layla be interested in pressing charges against you?"

Ask LIEla, it is the one who made the threat and like i said when it made it, BRING IT ON.

Btw love, it's not charges but civil action when you SUE someone.... geez
Anonymous said…
Barabie, the ugliest troll on blogosphere. Pity that creature.
Anonymous said…
I knew she's a baathist whore!!!!
Layla Anwar said…
to the investigators...hahahahahaha

barbarian the repugnant stenchy troll and the other wanker called "real" -- keep guessing assholes and do ask barbarian about IP concealers, she'll tell you all about it. She is literally squatting my blog night and day...
Layla Anwar said…
Sumac professional American killer,

Say hello to your MASTER - the Rat, and tell him I know all about it...
Anonymous said…
barabie,
you fucking little australian bitch, what's your problem with this blog and layla? You "investigate"?? Investigate what? Guess what I also investigate and i found your a fucking half-nigger australian dike who desperately needs some dick.
Anonymous said…
Not only are you desperate, but you're also stupid. You really think uruknet is a zionist site? uruknet is clearly a pro-resistance, pro-iraq, pro-bath website that has done an excellent job covering the crimes of the occupation and the resistance to it.

You seem to like to attack every partiotic iraqi. Why? Does it make you feel like you actually know something? All I see from you is a bitch who loves barking.

bow wow bow wow you fucking whore.

layla ignore her. She has nothing bette to do than bark. Keep writing. I love this blog.
Anonymous said…
homophobic? I'm not afraid of homo's. Its rabid barking dogs that annoy me though. Why do you act like this? Do you make it a habit to visit blogs and make an ass out of yourself?

I bet you have very short hair, short hands, shorter fingers, thick short legs with hair, black nail polish, green hair, and wear the same pair of jeans everyday. you probably stink too. how gross.
Anonymous said…
Oh references to mom's are so old by now. Besides they only sound good in Arabic as in kis imak 3ala zebri ya bin al sharmoota. shlooqie bint shlooqie.

Anyway, I didn't call you a "lesbian". The world Lesbian for me makes me think of a beautiful, classy, elegant woman who would invite her best friend into the bedroom with us on my birthday and let me enjoy both of them. A "dike" is what you remind me of. A filthy, dirty, hairy, smelly bitch I wouldn't fuck even with my worst enemies dick. ew how gross!
Layla Anwar said…
Lets face it Barbarian, NO ONE LIKES you...

You are an unintelligible, regurgitating, alphabetically limited - troll, with a vocabulary that boils down to three words

"maggot, kiss emek and tfou..."

Now how bright is that? ;-)
Anonymous said…
No, I'm 100% straight and I never thought anything can make me gay, but if I was stranded on an island with you and a man for many many years, I might give it serious consideration before I even think of getting close to you. lol
Anonymous said…
Layla,

Why do you let this thing stay on here?
Anonymous said…
barabie,

Barabie if I was on a stranded island and was so desperate that I woudl try to get close to you, I would WANT my dick chopped off. lol
Layla Anwar said…
also an investigator,

Am toying with her, please do the same...she's good for nothing but that.
Layla Anwar said…
Also an investigator,

I don't know who you are, but you are very very funny....hahahahahahaha
Anonymous said…
layla

I noticed your just having fun with her and don't take her seriously, but your blog is well known, highly respected, and your articles are often picked up by other credible news sites. I think her presence might taint it.
Layla Anwar said…
Also an investigator,

Trust me on this one - She taints nothing but HERSELF. She is done with !
Anonymous said…
Also an investigator is Iraqi Democrat.

His Marquis De Sade erotic fantasies gave him away. LOL
Anonymous said…
wrong. Never participated before. I only come here to read the blog, and by that I mean Layla, but I open these threads and check them out and I got sick of the barking dogs.

Just because they don't have a following, nobody reads them, and nobody's picks up their "writings" they come here to pick on people who are clearly intellectually and politically beyond them. I think they believe if they attack a real writer and a true patriot they will get noticed. I still think layla should bann them.
Anonymous said…
Re: reputation

You forget Layla's blog was already "tainted" by the presence of that absurd creature called JR.
Anonymous said…
I actually agree with layla that these people only taint themselves. But this blog is valuable and Im not as generous as she is. I would just bann them.
Anonymous said…
LAYLA ANWAR LOVES ABU HAMZA AL-MOHAJER !
Anonymous said…
keep cummin' barabie.lol
Anonymous said…
LAYLA ANWAR WORKS FOR HER LOVER ABU HAMZA AL MOHAJER THE SALAFI SADR CIA/IRANIAN DOUBLE AGENT !
Anonymous said…
RhuslanCIA loves LAYA ANWAR.
Anonymous said…
IRAQI DEMOCRAT loves JR.
Anonymous said…
JR loves Arab investigator.
Anonymous said…
Arab investigator loves LAYLA ANWAR.
Anonymous said…
Layla Anwar loves RhuslanCIA...
Anonymous said…
RhuslanCIA loves Al-Qaida.
Anonymous said…
response to: also an investigator

Be assured the 'talking pants' on these sites are not succeeding in demonising Layla. And that includes the 'talking pants' that calls itself barabie. And I very much doubt that 'it' is a Koori (part Aboriginal)

I know your heart is in the right place investigator. But at the same time I must protest to you about your reference to Aust. Aborigines. If you knew their true history in this country I know you would be shocked and horrified, at the oppression that they have suffered and still do suffer.

I am just as passionate about the rights of our Aboriginal people as I am about the Iraqi peoples' rights.

Perhaps one day, when the Iraqi Peoples'
Resistance is Victorious, you might have the time to delve into the 'real history' of of the wonderful and clever owners of this country.

And in the meantime, maybe the people who are genuinely concerned about Iraq who use these posts, should scroll over the gobbledegook.

And perhaps a very very occasional shot across the bow would do.

In solidarity.
Anonymous said…
DO NOT TRY TO DILUTE IT ALL IN A GENERAL ORGY !

THE ONLY KINKY AFFAIR GOING ON IN HERE IS THAT BETWEEN THE SUPPOSED SECULAR NATIONALISTIC IRAQI LAYLA ANWAR AND THE CIA/MOSSAD/IRAN BACKED AL-QAEDA BOSS AL-MOHAJER !

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, EITHER SHE IS A FRAUD OR A NYMPHO !

YOU DECIDE !
Anonymous said…
This Layla Anwar that writes these comments is definitely a FAKE Layla A.!! Darling, your English is too good to be hers. Hers is thought out in Arabic and then translated into English... Yours is all "anglais."
And why are you impersonating her again??

Have your own voice!
RhusLancia said…
bRABIDie vs Layla is like AQ vs the Islamic Army... "too bad they both can't lose"

mmmmm, popcorn! munch munch munch

Layla, I'll tell Jeffrey you said "hi".
Anonymous said…
listen you tumor-lipped, carpet-munchin' mo-fo ..I said "charges"..got it???

So fuck off and give yer grampa a knob-job you homey lookin bitch slappin down-under (ha) sheep fucker
Anonymous said…
Patriotic Barabie...has it all come down to who is doing more for Iraq and who is not? Is this what this rage is all about??

I recall the stories of the Quran & the Bible of a creature that goes by the name of Shaetan and Satan. Was'nt it's downfall brought on my its Pride & Hypocricy and a sense of being god-like?


Reminder: Bribery in any form or manner, is not permitted in Islam.

By the way, you questioned why I asked about this threat of being "sued" by Layla. ( notice I will use the term that require or demand ( as if it really matters much, but I guess it matters to you for some reason),perhaps its a control issue)...but you are the one that brought it up all yourself.

Do you need to be reminded that this IS a public forum and ANYTHING brought up by anybody, is open to discussion, debate, opining and further investigation and research?

You should become a little more familiar with law and how law works before being so eager to persue, by responding, to a lawsuit. Lawsuits have a way of growing legs and reaching into cans of worms that you may not want opened.

Even if a snake sheds it's own skin, it is still a snake.

You ask, " Is the carpet a sheepskin ? "

Why? Do you want to go-low on it? :-)

If you spread 'em, I wont give you a strip search if that's what yer askin'.

Oh...una mas cosa....I just love the game you play with changing people's names. My daughter & I used to do that when she was FIVE.
Anonymous said…
Your anger appears to have reached the level of insanity, but again.. Not My Problem.

Are you Muslim? You are DEFINTELY not like the Muslims I know. I hope you are not.

You appear to be fixated on sex.
Anonymous said…
listen you tumor-lipped, carpet-munchin' mo-fo ..I said "charges"..got it???


some of u peeps are too funny.
Layla Anwar said…
Comments by the polluting, debased, drunken, slanderous, deranged, Zionist troll, called Barabie, have been removed and thrown into the trash/garbage, where this thing rightfully belongs.

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