Please do not touch my...Democracy.
Do you want to hear the latest joke ? Seriously now do you ?
Al Maliki, Iranqi's PM , our visionary of the 21st century, is worried that other Arab countries will envy his democracy. I am not kidding you. He said so himself.
He used the word "fear". Arab countries fear the new democracy that has become Iranq, because other Arab countries are Dictatorships a la Saddam Hussein style .
I wish they were but unfortunately they are not. Had they been , Iraq would still be Iraq and not Iranq.
But regardless of your political leanings, you must concede that this is the best joke of the year.
I will assuage the Iranqi PM's worries.
How about I fumigate you with some incense to drive the evil eye away. Surely we don't want to be coveted by our neighbors.
Or maybe I can place a blue talisman around your neck to protect you from the jinns of envy and jealousy.
My intentions are real good. I just want to make sure that no one approaches the wonderful democracy you have constructed when your founding fathers landed in Baghdad in American helicopters and you drove in from Teheran or did you take a bus ?
People, please don't appprehend our new democracy. There is nothing to fear, we are half dead anyways.
Skeletons roaming waiting for their hour of slaughter. And surely you can't envy the 1 million corpses or even fear them unless of course your darling Muqtada Al-Shit tells you otherwise and convinces you that the dead can talk.
You never know, "Baathist" , "Saddamist", "Nationalist", "Patriotic" shadows may come to haunt you in your sleep.
Listen, I can always send you a talisman as well, to protect yourselves with it.
Just to make sure. You never know which envious, covetous spirit is lurking , waiting to grab your democracy away...
So Arabs and others, please don't fear our democracy, as long as our democracy is contained within the borders and you can stay asleep in peaceful gratitude. And when you wake up if you ever wake up that is, count your blessings you are not a democracy American/Iranqi Style.
And if per mischance, you should be envious of it, I warn you , do not touch my democracy...
It is sacred. Made of limbs , rolling heads, rotten bodies, stench and decomposition, watered with red, red blood . The color of a good wine , the same wine that our "arab revolutionaries" drink whilst intellectually masturbating.
So Al-Maliki, I would not be too worried if I were you. The Arab countries are fast asleep and they already leased their asses to the Americans (amongst others) for decades to come.
Trust me, they fear not your democracy. Unless of course you were expecting them to lease "it" to the Iranians as well.
Moreoever, I have good news for you Shah Al-Maliki , the anti-war movement in the U.S has prepared a great bouquet of flowers for you. You might have to chip in with the costs though.
And with a bit of luck they and the Israelis will be giving you a Nobel prize for peace.
But don't get too jealous if they opt for your buddy Muqtada instead - they heard that his American drills are made in Teheran and the combo thrills them.
Yalla , never mind , I have another talisman for you just in case ...
Painting : Iraqi artist, Salman Shalhoob.