On Arab Men- Part III

and the ramblings go on... HERE


Anonymous said…
Nature has it that girls are born with a piece of tissue that has no other known use but to cover the opening until broken from intercourse, while boys are born without anything of the kind.

Observation and reflection on this fact can easily have led our ancestors to assume that maybe it is so because the woman's sexuality is more precious, not to be wasted away, while the man's is constitutionally "cheap", worthless.

In the animal kingdom, males mate at random, while females tend to "elect" the strongest and most handsome.

Socio-cultural myths aside, in their natural state women and men do have the same "amount" of desire, but the formers generally concentrate it all on few (sexual aristocracy ?) while the latters generally disperse it to the four winds.
Anonymous said…
A 27 yo guy who need to sleep next to his mother may be not simplisticly "spoilt", he may have some secret grief or some existential anguish that can only be shared with the one who gave birth to him.
Anonymous said…
how should layla anwar's ideal man be like ?
Anonymous said…
mother hens > morons

So maybe

icy mothers > great guys

Like Sobha the fortune teller who made as if his son didn't exist - and he mothered himself into an equal rights advocate and a hero.
Anonymous said…
Typo: as if her son
Anonymous said…

Darling, these things are deep in the primordial brain and exaggerated by culture. Sometimes I think the pre-frontal cortex is completely wasted - certainly if it is not used to examine these primitive impulses. Be assured, it is not just Arab men (and women, by extension). It is true of men everywhere. Until we can give serious thought to these issues and overrule our primal brains with reason and examination, all of us will suffer - men and women, but especially women. I'm not holding my breath.
Unknown said…
I'm glad I'm out of that scene. I developed a fierce sense of independence early, and was born hating children; so I got sterilised at 19, made sure I made more money than the dude I was with, and when that changed with the thing I used to be married to; I still made way more than the average due to me working 55 hours a week, and I never had a NEED for him. (Oh, by the way, me and the thing I used to be married to did have a few fights. The last one was when I raised my sword to him. If he hadn't flinched, I would have swatted him, but he conceded, so I didn't. That saved me a hospital bill, and maybe some jail time. I think he knew if there was one more time, I'd kill him.)

Got divorced a long time ago. Now have the perfect relationship, or 'alliance', rather. It's now a celebate relationship (wasn't always), and we work together quite well. Make each other's lives easier, and he's more my best friend; than anything else. We're like comrades in arms.

Amazing how good an interaction of two individuals can be when gender and sex are irrelevent.

I always worked hard to maintain complete personal freedom. Ultimately I never answered to anyone during my discretionary time, and in my past when I was trying to find my perfect match, if a dude was too controlling, I dumped him. Thank the gods I only had to go through 3 of the damn things before I found my 'soul mate'. My soul mate is #4, we're on our 15th year to-gether, and have not had one fight.

I couldn't stand living in such an oppressive culture.

Nice to live in a culture where I had that option.

Now. . .the women raise the children, so they basically dictate what road society will take, huh? If only they can break free from the destructive cultural programming. . .or is there some sort of advantage they see in the sort of life you describe?
Anonymous said…
Morgan, indeed you are a thoroughly independent woman..."independent" even from the most natural, beautiful, fulfilling human feelings and instincts.

Throw away the "bathwater" only, not the "baby" with it !!!
Layla Anwar said…

Very interesting approach, something that I have also been pondering, however, your angle may fall into some sort of biological determinism. No one has been able to elucidate the complex dynamical relationship between NATURE (biology) and NURTURE (socialization).

However I find the idea of some sexual aristocracy quite appealing.
Layla Anwar said…

possibly true, however if his existential anguish is only relieved by sleeping on his mother's lap even for a few minutes, my take is that she may well be the cause of it.
Layla Anwar said…

From what I heard, seems that Sobha was very icy, tough and hard/harsh...she only loved him later on in life when he "proved" himself...or maybe because of her hardness, he felt the need to prove himself.
Anonymous said…
layla's hypothesis,
you know what I mean,I'm sure!!!!!!!
Layla Anwar said…

Thank you for your comment. I am aware that it is not only Arab men, but it is somehow more palpable over here. Hence my introduction in part1, stating that the following is applicable to all men and women in varying degrees. Which also means by inference, that Arab men are not to be singled out as the only ones suffering from and inflicting their complexes on women and it also means that women are also responsible in enabling, perpetuating and enhancing the system that causes them suffering and injustice.
Layla Anwar said…
Hi Morgan,

Nice to read you again, you sound like an Amazon for sure.
So you found your soul mate and you did not fight in 15 years ????
How can anyone manage that ? What's the recipe for such a smooth harmonious interaction.
Is one totally submitting or is there a space of total understanding. I am aware that these are personal questions and you are of course free not to answer them...Moreover how does one reconcile soul mates with celibacy...I did not get that bit at all.

Regarding the "oppressive culture" you refer to, yes it can be quite oppressive, but then other cultures are as oppressive but maybe in different ways and from a different angle.

I personaly found, when in the West, the portrayal of nude female bodies next to a can of food,a car, a a bar of soap or a yoghurt very oppressive.
After contemplating such ads for a while I could not tell which was which, both became objects to me.

So I guess the objectification can be done under many guises...
Anonymous said…
Dearest Layla, thank you for continuing this subject - it's important! You said:

" ...it also means that women are also responsible in enabling, perpetuating and enhancing the system that causes them suffering and injustice."

Absolutely, absolutely right! Suffering and injustice can only happen when women ALLOW it to.

Hope all's well - I'm working on issues, too!

Eid Mubarak, Layla, to you and your family and to all Iraqis - another Eid gone by under the yoke of occupation and horror. Insha'allah, freedom this time next year ...

In solidarity.
Salam Layla and Eid mubarak

from reading most of your posts i started having a sense that you have a very negative image on men, or i shall say you find them the worthless peice of crap on the face of the earth, and the most vicious, malicious, selfish, barbaric.....etc animal is better than us males.

do you have anything against males?

thank you
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said…
Layla, can you please shed some light on what the hell the Iraqi Resistance is doing these times ?

The Al Basrah people are either very busy or very ill-mannered, they never daign to reply to emails asking such questions.
Layla Anwar said…
anonymous re.my ideal man

hahahahahaha, that made me laugh.
Where can I place an order ?
Layla Anwar said…
Dear Little Deer,

Thank you for your heartfelt wishes. I suppose you and I are in the same boat at this moment in time...Working on, working through, working by, work, work and bloody work...Sounds like a heavy load and a menial job for peanuts ! :-)
Layla Anwar said…
al-hussain arshad yassin,

Salam to you and Eidak Saeed, bil sa7a wil salama.

Thank you for your comment.
I suppose this is the impression you got from my posts and I can understand why so. And I did say that this is not limited to Arab men but to men at large, but since I am an Arab I shall concentrate on what concerns me most.

However, before I dwell on your impressions, I would like to ask you a few questions.

Can you deny any of the following :
and this is applicable to men in general.

And this is only AN OVERALL VIEW.

- that men suffer from double standards when it comes to themselves and to women

- that men have in history have caused destruction, through endless wars and fights and inflicting serious and grave damage to societies, nations and and women.

- can you deny that when men have free reign, unaccountable, they resort to the most basic, vile, primitive, bestial behavior, one of which is rape. Just remembering the work of the armed militias and the us soldiers in Iraq is enough to refresh your memory.

- can you deny that a society that does not put limits on how far men can go in their abuse of power, is a sick society that perpetuates injustice

- can you deny that the majority of crimes, rapes, violence, killings, battering, abuse, is done by men (I did say majority not all)

- can you deny that men have appropriated politics, religion, laws, history, decision making, power and the rest...to the exclusion of women or by keeping the number of women's participation to a strict minimum.

- can you deny that this is a man's world, and not necessarily a nice one, and that women and in particular arab women, have been constantly struggling and struggling and struggling both on a personal and collective level to make their voices heard in an environment that never ceases to stifle their voices.

And I can go on, and on, and on.

I don't think all men are beasts, and I don't think all men are pieces of crap. I actually like men, and sometimes love them.

But I am sick and tired of seeing them act out their neurosis, their complexes, their shadow selves on women. I am also sick of their double standards, their mental slave colonial mind set, their lack of honesty, their deceit, their hypocrisy, their incapacity to look within...

And I am also sick and tired of the women who keeps giving birth to them, and who perpetuate it.
Layla Anwar said…

Am clueless dear.
Anonymous said…
What kind of Arab men will the little boys of present-day occupied Iraq grow into ?
Anonymous said…
Just draw a brief profile, if you wish, not of how a man "should not" be, but of how he "should" be in order to gain your favour, esteem or love - and possibly show the Arab mommy's boys a "path" to follow.

Same advice for any other subject you cover in your blog: dare to venture further than exposing problems, elaborate solutions !

It will help you feel less desperate and more mistress of your own destiny.
Kosta said…
sad said...
What kind of Arab men will the little boys of present-day occupied Iraq grow into ?

Only my opinion, but it doesn't mean I'm right, nor is it set in stone.

Layla once gave us an account of a young boy of about 12 I think, that had witnessed horrid crimes and been even subjected to rape.
From what I remember, this boy now expresses the ambition to be both a doctor, to heal the sick and wounded, and a policeman to bring justice to the vermin.
This boy seems to me a rare gem, with a depth of spirit and courage to which most could not compare.

I’m sad to say that there are many 100s of thousands of children or more in Iraq today that have witnessed acts, including the brutal deaths of their parents and siblings, or neighbours, which nobody, particularly a child should witness.
What is sadder is that many of these children have learned that the more violent is too often the victor, and that to ensure survival violence is required.

This is the path for many of these children
But for us in the West, geographic distance will not ensure us immunity from their anger.

Our own Western children, we have taught that might makes right too.
We have taught them to turn a blind eye to the suffering of others as well, just as we do as whole nations. We may teach them to show a token concern, as we do, but in the end just not enough to stop the injustice. They will throw us out of our own homes, as we already do to our parents today; probably already in the majority of cases into old nursing homes. And unlike the Iraqis, we won’t even have a family shoulder to lean on. Our kids at 12 are already more interested in what turns them on and certainly not justice, or devotion, or responsibility.
Just have a listen to the lyrics of this top 2008 song.

We will pay for the life we have lead and what we have done.
Let us hope that we can pay in cash and not with our lives and souls.

Let us hope that as we now wax nostalgic and say that this is the land that once was the cradle of civilization, the Middle Eat can one day be look at us and say that ‘there is the land that gave us great war reparations.’

I’m truly sorry for the filth we have brought to you, even more than I regret the filth that I pass on to my own children.

Just what benefit this war has brought in the minds of some of us in the ‘Axis of the willing’, I’ve got no damn idea.
To you in the west, like me, (Aust, USA, UK) enjoy the new World Order.
KM said…
I believe women can be more creative than men,

I think that women are more capable of looking at a problem or setting about to achieve a goal, in way that is more non-lethal.

Since males are generally stronger and more physicalyy equipped to handle issues in confrontation-mode ( if needed ), women's thinking may have evolved along a slightly different way of thinking; less relying on physical assets when the chips are down or as a back up.
Anonymous said…
Ahoy! Queen of words, it’s never too late -the sailor wishes you and the rest a joyful Eid.

Absolutely mind boggling, points to ponder.

Turbulence in the water can’t sail.
Anonymous said…
Sindbad d Sailor, you remind me of someone I knew.

Weren't you moderating a pro-Iraq website called Tunnel sometime ago by any chance ?
Unknown said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said…
Second time my comment got wiped out. OK! Me and my 'soul mate' have so much in common, it is almost frightening. We joke about having one brain between up. We work to-gether like a well oiled machine. When one gets uppity, the other gives space. We work for mutual convenience.

We weren't always celibate, but sex was never that important to us. To us, having tea to-gether, or a philosophical discussion, or a snuggle session means more. We're friends first. Always have been.

As for selling things with sex, I guess it's a good living for those doing it. Don't look at me. I don't play that game. Never did. I'd rather be known for what I did, not what I look like; which isn't much, really. I'm pretty average. Always have been.

Also, I used to have the Amazon warrior mentality. Now I'm just a worn out writer who is working at a photolab to survive.

2/10/08 7:17 PM
Layla Anwar said…

Thank you again for sharing your experience with much candor and humor, I personally think you are a beautiful soul indeed.
Layla Anwar said…

Thank you, I ALWAYS, like reading your comments...

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