An Arab Woman Blues - Reflections in a sealed bottle...

I have been feeling lousy for the past two days. Actually am quite sick. Nothing serious, just a nasty strain of the Flu. And am not good company when am sick. Am grouchy, cranky, and terribly anti-social. But I had to go out and get some Panadol from a pharmacy nearby. “Salam Aleikom, I need a box of Panadols please” “Is the Panadol for you or for your husband?“ asked the inquisitive pharmacist. “My husband is dead“ I replied in a flat voice and with a straight face. “Oh am sorry” “Don’t be. I killed him.” My, you should have seen the look on his face. He still managed a tiny faint smile and gave me what I needed with no further questions. And that is the way it should be. He had a wedding ring on, and on top of that, a beard. I guess you all know by now, my “position” vis à vis beards... Now, before you go around cyber world, spreading homicidal rumors about me being a “man killer,” let me assure you, I did not kill my ex. But he could be dead for all I care. Mind you, he is not th...

I just read that Iraq is warning Turkey that an invasion would be disastrous... Honestly, is this real or am I dreaming things up ? Iraq is ALREADY invaded by BOTH the U.S.A , IRAN and ISRAEL in the North. Why is the Iraqi government worried about one extra little invasion huh ? Yalla, the more the merrier...Ahlan wa Sahlan as we say in Arabic. Which reminds me of one smelly brave shit standing at the Iraqi -Jordanian frontier right after the U.S invasion, and letting in every single car, truck, bus, donkey, enter into Iraqi territory- no visas, no checks, no nothing and he was saying in that ugly nasal accent of yours: "Welcome to Eye Raq." I say to Turkey, welcome to Eye Raq too.

The Iraqi sectarian government is plagued with endemic corruption that totals around 4 Billion dollars per annum. The sectarian ministries, i.e those run by the exported thugs from Iran (M.Al.Sadr, Al Hakeem, Maliki,....) are the worst hit. This is the government that America is upholding. This is the government we received from Iran. This is the government that the Anti-War greeted with flowers. You can watch 2 videos from English Al Jazeera about our new "democratic" government by clicking here Congratulations to the Iraqis with purple, green and red fingers of Liberation. Ink, Dollars and Blood. Enjoy.

I have spent all day drawing up my family tree i.e my genealogical tree. I tried assembling all the information together. Souvenirs, memories, faces, locations, names...some sort of a mental compendium of an oral and visual history. What I heard, whom I met, what was said about who, who married who, where did they come from, their origins, their sect, their religion, where they ended up, their life stories... I tried to go as far back as I can, gathering all these little pieces and sat down and sketched the family tree, starting with my great grandparents -both maternal and paternal. It was not easy... Some of them are already gone for good. Some I never really bothered to find out more about, some I took for granted, some were too distant physically and some emotionally out of reach, and some were a taboo subject... I spent hours remembering names and faces...They were difficult, painful hours... My immediate family was just a branch of this tree amongst many other branches but we wer...

An acquaintance approached me the other day and suggested I join the world of media/journalism. Utilize my writing skills and whatever intelligence I have left, to good use... Good use? Because the media is good news? And am not only talking about mainstream media here... Besides, becoming part of some media - and that includes some of the “alternative media” also known for its share of blatant lies - means I will no longer be allowed to tell you some basic truths. And I don’t want to miss out on the fun by being clustered and cooped in some box writing news reports when I can sit here and spill it all out, without having to be so " objective, impartial and fair ” about it. I know, some may think it is very important to get the Truth out. Big deal. The Truth is out and knowing the Truth out there is not ENOUGH . ACTING on that truth is what brings results. And acting on that truth does not consist of signing petitions and joining a protest once a year either. And acting on that tr...

Insomnia has become a trusted friend. Sleep steals me away from her, for a couple of hours and she jealously snatches me back... I used to fight her, now I accept. She asks me “what is on your mind?” and my only reply to her is “Iraq.” I think, breathe, eat, drink, write, dream, cry, sleep...Iraq. An addiction, an obsession, a torment... It is not only a question of longing or nostalgia or anger, like a boiling volcano that will never subside...It is not only a yearning for things past, or a grief for people and things gone... It is deeper, way deeper than that... When insomnia is sitting next to me, like some night keeper, like some watchdog, like some guardian...I ask myself and I ask her to hand me, the thread, the lead, the clue...the key to this upheaval I feel inside of me. It is like a wall, I can’t penetrate. And I try to search for some loophole, some crack...anything, simply anything which will help me see beyond it. Beyond this wall, this thick steel, brick, curtain that is ...

Do you want to know what am doing right now ? Of course, you will think to yourself, this woman is a bit of a moron, really- asking such a question. It is so damn obvious what she is doing, she’s typing away on her keyboard. Wow ! You really guessed right, here. So, you do still have some common sense and you can spot the obvious. Hats off to you. Am impressed. Now let’s see if you spot that one. " U.S. working to stop Turkey from invading Iraq." How does that strike you ? I know it's difficult but think again, after all you guessed right about my typing away at some keyboard… Too difficult ? Ok, let me give you a simpler one. Iran to the U.S - stop meddling in Iraq. U.S. to Iran - stop meddling in Iraq. Is this one any simpler for you ? Nope? Elusive huh? Complicated equation ? No common sense ? Can’t figure out the logic ? Ok we give it one more try... No, wait, wait... Maybe I should start with an elementary lesson in Politics 101 - "Definitions of Sovereignty....

I have often wondered if Americans are breast fed criminality...or maybe some especially made, designed baby formula only available in the U.S. And exported to Great Britain, Israel and other corners of the world where you have your trusted allies. Or maybe it is the other way round, an Israeli baby formula injected into your own infants, or maybe a British baby formula patent that you took over and refined... Whatever it is that you were given as children has proved to be very effective. You have indeed grown up into the perfect strong adults, into the perfect "master" race, of...criminality. Of this, I have absolutely no doubt. As a matter of fact, your breast feeding has not stopped in childhood, it continues right into your advanced years, ensuring that you remain an orally voracious group, sublimating raw cannibalism through murder. A series of pictures, or should I call them your trophies, or maybe the remains of your today's meal, have appeared following your aeria...

I have a "friend" let's call her Mona... Mona is supposedly a friend, or pretends to be, or at least we have this tacit agreement to pretend that we are indeed "friends." Mona wants to be my friend. My heart tells me, beware... But I play along, the social game of "friendship," female friendships. Feminine Solidarity ? Please do not make me laugh... And if you add, femin(ist) to it, you will be cracking me up in giggles... You must be wondering why all of this ? Wait till you hear my latest. Mona calls me. She says: - Hiiiiiiii, why don't you ever pick your phone? Mona has a "strange way" of extending, stretching her words... - Mona, hello, I hate phones. You know me.( or so I assumed) - Listen, I want you to meet him. - Him, who is him ? - Listen, he is a grrrrreat guy. He is a man of this world? - Man of this world? You mean a playboy, an Arab Don Juan, an Arab Casanova ? - oufffff Laylaaaa. Why do you have to complicate things. He is d...

I really, really, had no inclination to write anything tonight. Iraq leaves me drained, tired, exhausted, and most of the time depressed... I thought to myself, I will just read a few articles and head to bed. Fight the insomnia and head to a bed. Not my bed, but a bed nonetheless... I have a ritual. I check my mail, publish comments on my blog, respond, then surf the sites... On three occasions I checked uruknet.info. for any "fresh" news, that might have escaped my attention and on these three occasions, I saw the picture of Ali Hassan al Majeed staring back at me. I thought to myself, maybe Uruknet.website has made it a point to "fix" the picture of Ali Hassan Al-Majeed, a cousin of the late Saddam Hussein. But that was not the case. It was just a "coincidence." I intuitively understood that Hassan Ali Al-Majeed was either being executed, about to be executed or already dead. I checked newswires but could not find anything except an article on al-Jazee...

So, America has finally woken up to the Armenian Genocide in a perfect timing that just haphazardly coincides with: a) matter of fact talks in D.C about the partition plan of Iraq. b) with incursions by Turkey into Northern Iraq to fight off another brand of potential Kurdish warlords the PKK backed by our own warlords Talabani and Barazani. This latter fled to Najaf, hiding behind the skirts of Ammar al Hakeem of the SIIC or maybe behind Muqtada al Sadr's – Go figure. And Turkey,the other day, said through its military spokesman “ties with the U.S might be irreversibly damaged.” A combo of the bill on the Armenian Genocide and this headache of the PKK. Now you really don’t want to mess with the Turks...A humble piece of advice from me. And, last but not least c) a full backing by Ammar Al Hakeem, head of SIIC, member of the puppet government in Baghdad, in support of the partition plan. His sick father, Abdel Aziz al Hakeem, urged his son not to forget the “regions.” Since daddy...

Do you remember your teen-age years ? Memories of this period of my life are terribly vivid, still... I consider teen-age years as the most difficult, in any case that was true for me. One is not really an adult, not a child, just a someone, hovering somewhere in between. Rejecting authority yet seeking its safety... Not a woman but not a girl either. A body that changes, an identity that emerges, pulsations that manifest themselves and you don’t know what to do with them and where they will lead you... I sublimated mine in books, "causes" and the search after the "perfect love." The only thing that really lasted were the books. And I don’t even remember half of them... As for "causes," they have not only remained unresolved but have worsened... As for "love," I smile–laugh when I look back...How could I have been so bloody naive, I keep repeating to myself. But then, those were the teen-age years and everything was possible. Change, revolutions ...

I want to share with you two other true Solidarity mails I have received. They are important for me. They tell me that I am not talking to the walls, or "pissing in the wind." (to use one of your expressions.) They tell me, that there is an echo out there, and that means a lot to me and am sure to other Iraqis as well... One such mail comes from a German lady M.R. I am taking the liberty to publish it nearly in its entirety. Read it and you will know why, yourself. " Thank you so much for every single word you have written up to this very day. Your essays should be part of the curriculum at the high schools of our so-called "civilised" Western countries. I share your true feelings, your grief, your fury, your uncensored anger, your despondency, your hope, your heartfelt compassion, your passion for Iraq. Germany did not send troops to Iraq in 2003 but we are guilty like the rest of all European countries. Our governments supported the criminal sanctions against...

Do you know anything about Allergies ? I remember a friend of mine who was highly allergic to dust and pollen. The mere mention of the word dust, or an allusion to Spring and pollen, was enough to make her sneeze and bring on an asthma attack... The mere thought of some particle of dust or a tiny grain of pollen, would have her break out in hives... Her immune system had a bank memory of itself. It had saved all those previous cellular images of her first reaction to these foreign bodies, at some DNA level... And just one imaginary thought of their possible presence, and her system would fabricate a thousand anti-bodies, gear itself, backed by a formidable army and start a whole process of self defense, of survival... Am also developing this curious symptom, very similar to my friend's. If there is a Doctor in the house, maybe you can help too. The other day, a friend knowing my love for Cuban Salsa music, passed on the latest CD by Gloria Estefan. I am not a fan of Gloria but I li...

I really don't know what is going on here... The other day was Pink and today it is Pastel colors. Not a fitting time of the year for pastel colors. After all, it is the beginning of Autumn, with its golden brown, rusty red and dying green... But pastel colors have been obsessing me...ever since those pink and red taints. Maybe because it is the Eid, the feast that marks the celebration of the end of our fasting month, Ramadan. I remember the Eid in Baghdad, what used to be the Eid... We have a tradition for the Eid, we must wear something new. I remember young and old saving that new piece, that untouched garment, for the Eid. I remember the little boys and girls dressed in their new clothes, laughing as they rock on their swings, as they cry with joy on their merry-go-rounds... Eating "shaar al Banat" or "ghazl al Banat" as some may call it. You know, that fluffy hair-like sugar, dyed in pastel colors, that feels like cotton in your mouth, wrappped around a ...