An Arab Woman Blues - Reflections in a sealed bottle...

I keep misplacing and losing things... Keys, sunglasses, agendas, purses and my poor little brains. I even had a few vials of WMD's. Nice strong chemical stuff. Wait, I think they are in my fridge. Let me go and check... Nope, they are not there...I scratch my poor little head and wonder where the hell did I misplace them. In my little pocket maybe? Or in my drawer with my underwear ? I get consolation that am not the only who is absent minded. The U.N. forgets things too. Take for instance this piece of news. " August 30, 2007 12:01 PM - Brian Ross/ABC United Nations weapons inspectors discovered six to eight vials of a dangerous chemical warfare agent, phosgene, as they were cleaning out offices at a U.N. building in New York, federal authorities tell the Blotter on ABCNews.com. The federal authorities said the office, in a U.N. building near headquarters, was being evacuated and the White House had been notified at 10 a.m. The vials were discovered at the headquarters of t...

I had promised myself, I will stop writing for a few days at least. We all deserve a break, including me. But how can I? Iraqis are not given a break. No respite whatsoever. So, it seems this is a luxury I cannot afford myself. By Friday, all the British troops will have pulled out of Basrah . The Brits have effectively handed over the whole of Southern Iraq to shiite militias. Need I remind you that these militias are Iran's proxies in Iraq or do you get it by now?. So : 1) the whole of Southern Iraq is loyal to Iran. Include Najaf, Kerbala etc... (see my previous posts. I can't keep on repeating myself) The fact that there are shiite factions fighting one another is irrelevant to the rest of the story. It's a power fight for control not a political ideological fight. 2) the Iraqi government in Baghdad is another of Iran's proxies in Iraq. Its parties, its militias, its armed forces i.e police and military guards. Today Ahmadinajad stated the following : "Iran is ...

Some american "lady" wrote to me, saying that she is "distressed" and getting quite "depressed" reading my blog. And she asked me if I could write about more "positive" things instead. Because, she assured me, she liked my writings... Dear "american lady" (does that exist, a lady in the U.S?) My writings and my reality depress you? Oh! Am so sorry... Maybe you can tell your fucked brave boys to get the fuck out of my country for starters. Then you can start paying full compensation from your tax money, preferably on an compulsory basis. After all you have paid for the "war, surge" effort. Then you are to personally look after at least 3 Iraqi families that your government and your sleeping, obese, ignorant, stupid, people have contributed to make destitute. Wait, am not done "lady". You are also to personally come to Baghdad, and help us bury our dead ones, those we find on the streets daily, and not only that... You...

Compared to this occupation, even colonialism looks like a nice ride. At least, colonialism still managed to build a road or two, a couple of schools and maybe a health dispensary. But tell me, what has this occupation done apart from destroy ? Do you understand the word DESTRUCTION ? Do you know what it means? Ok, let me refresh your memories since you do not know what destruction is. Remember when you had two towers crumbling to the ground, in a mass of rubbles, with fire shooting all over the place ? Yes, that is destruction. Ok, let me refresh some more since you happen to have a few amnesic lapses. Do you remember your 3'000 dead and their families still seeking therapy 6 years down the line? Yes, that is destruction. Do you remember how that tiny spot looked so desolate, empty, ravaged, afterwards ? Yes, that is destruction. Do you remember the people crying, shocked, lost ? Yes, that is destruction. But that was no occupation. Occupation is multiplying that one episode of de...

Today, I was reminded of my cousin Ahlam. I really don't like Ahlam all that much. She irritates me. She is conceited, narcissistic to the core, vain and a snob. Ok, she is good looking, but so what? And mind you she is not stupid, well at least I thought so, until we had this conversation not long ago. Here was Ahlam sitting, one leg over another, sipping her tea, with perfectly manicured nails, and a head that just came out from under a hundred rollers and intensive blow dry. You can trust Ahlam, that even if there is a nuclear bomb outside her window, she will not seek shelter before she dabs lipstick on. So here we are, and Ahlam flicks her cigarette and says : - ... They liberated us, enough now. They can leave. - Excuse me? Why would they leave ? - They did their job, did they not. So now they can leave. - Ahlam, are you trying to tell me that over a quarter million Americans in Iraq, just crossed the seas, so they can liberate you and leave, just like that ? - Yes of course....

One of my dreams is to visit Cuba. Havanah, Trinidad and Santiago, in particular. I love Cuba and like the Cubans. And I like Fidel Castro. I don't care what you think of him. You probably have demonized him as much as you have demonized Saddam Hussein. But then, come to think of it, no Leader has been wilfully demonized as much as Saddam Hussein. And we all know what the end result was/is. The end result is today's Iraq. I love Cuba for many reasons. One of them is Salsa and then, there is Cuban music, and Cuban cigars. But these are not the only reasons...Am not that frivolous! I had learned a few Salsa steps, which I have unfortunately no way of practicing. Saturday night would have been a perfect opportunity to studiously put what I have learned into full swing. And what better way to dance salsa but to the wonderful, exhilarating voices of Ibrahim Ferrer, Omara Portundo and Compay Segundo. Do you know why the word Salsa was coined to certain Cuban melodies ? Salsa music is...

Why do Americans say "thang" instead of "thing" ? Thang or thing, it's all the same... An objectification. A turn him/her into a thing. I bet you anything if my blog was about "oriental" sex, I would make it to the highest traffic... Ha! I am not judging. Far from it. After all, sex is more pleasant than death... It tintillates, entices, excites, raptures...But Iraq does not. I understand. Iraq is hardly a turn on. As a matter of fact, you can bet it will make you limp or frigid... Provided that you are neither already. I have noticed something quite peculiar being around in the cyber world. There is this all pervading voyeurism forever lurking... I mean, even one's pain is an object of careful scrutiny. But not only one's pain. This voyeurism of others, goes to the most insane extents... Did you know I get emails asking me the size of my bra? Or for the foot fetish, the size of my shoe!? Not that I have anything against breasts or feet, but yo...

Sometimes, when I hear news about the current "political" scene in Iraq, I don't know whether I should laugh or cry. Sometimes, I do both, simultaneously. Cry and laugh. Someone remarked on some blog, that Layla Anwar is starting to have a crazy twist to her, crazy notes... Starting, only starting ? Oh no, am not starting, I'm already crazy. A lucid insanity. Horrible thing, this lucid insanity. A few articles have appeared as of late, in both the Western and Middle eastern press, discussing who can be a possible "alternative" to Al- Maliki, since this latter is being described by most Iraqis as a Dictator. Someone, who is after his own interests, the interests of his sect, and his party. Well, one wing of his party, the Dawah party. Because the other wing of the party belongs to Al Jaafari, and yet another wing belongs to Muqtada al Sadr...Many wings to one party. May they all fly away soon. Amen. So we have a Dictator now, Al-Maliki. Am I missing something...

I am so disgusted with everything, I don't even feel like writing. I am disgusted with the Americans, the Brits, the French, the Germans, the Scandinavians, the Australians, the Iranians, the Arabs, the Muslims, the Christians, the Jews....( am not mentioning the Israelis because they have disgusted me long ago. It's a given) Everything and everyone disgusts me. I have run out of words. I don't even know which words to use anymore. Have you ever felt that way? Not even knowing which words to use? I can write tons of posts, would not make one single fucking difference. But I promised someone that I will not stop writing, so here I am... Nir Rosen, not that I terribly like Nir Rosen, but finally someone who is not an Iraqi came out and said it " Iraq is no more " Well, hello, I have been saying it over and over and over , the sectarian shia Iranian militias and parties control everything. Along with the equally chauvinistic Israeli backed Kurdish pimps. Imagine, one...

Most Daughters are very dutiful, are they not ? And those who no longer are, must have been at some point in the past, very dutiful... Dutiful daughters are ageless, they can be 1 or 100, or anywhere in between. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors... Even if they have no more reason to stay dutiful, they remain so... To the memory, keeping it burning like a vigil. To the legacy, keeping it alive, for future generations. To the heart keeping it ticking, so it will not stop beating. They are the story tellers dutifully giving it away... A loyalty that is almost genetically transmitted, a form of Love, maybe at times not a very “useful” one, but a Love nonetheless. I am sure there are dutiful sons too, but am not a son...I would not really know. Of course, the more “ primitive”, “backward”, “underdeveloped”, the family is, the greater the loyalty, the greater the Love... It cannot be all that bad, being primitive, backward...can it now? But as with all great loyalties and great love...

Goodness, I have so much to tell you tonight. I had already prepared a piece about women, yes again ! I will leave it for next time. I don't believe in coincidences...I believe in synchronicity. I guess you can call me "superstitious" and that is fine with me... Battling with an excruciating pain in my arm, I tried again, to put some order on my desk... You should see my desk, it looks like Mount Everest, with piles and piles of articles, papers, bits and pieces and of course the "pending tray" looks like the Himalayas. Everything goes to the pending tray and it has been going on for years now...so you can imagine. I have become increasingly obsessed with "order". A reaction to chaos, I suppose. But then, my developing compulsiveness was suddenly made to look "OK". As I was sorting out for the enth time the same pile, I came across a print out of some study conducted in England about sex and order... According to this fairly recent study, ove...

You know something, this business with figures is starting to really aggravate me. I understand that you can count very well, when it comes to dollars...This we all know. But why is it when it comes to killings, you conveniently misplace numbers ? In previous posts, "An Add'h'olic" and " Let's call. ..", I alluded both directly and indirectly as to the number of deaths in Iraq. I even asked you to check the series of correspondence between Gabriele Zamparini, the Guardian and Znet. I maintain that the Iraq Body Count figure of 70'000 is shameful to say the least. I have also said on numerous occasions, that even the Lancet figure of 655'000 Iraqis dead is obsolete by now. I was slightly relieved to see that some websites did publish the more accurate figure of 1 million +. I reiterate yet again, the figure is greater than 1 million+. I have also said that prior to the invasion the total population of Iraq was approximately 24 million in 2003. Ge...

This is personal. A medley of wishful thoughts, desires...and a stark reality from which there is no real escape. I would much rather be writing about Love than Death... About dreams coming true, as opposed to nightmares realizing themselves, rolling in front of my very eyes...like some welcoming carpet. I would much rather invite friends over for a candlelight dinner instead of sitting in funeral gatherings giving my condolences... And another one has gone, and I repeat the same words, they have become meaningless. At times, when I am told of the news of yet another passing away, I just raise an eyebrow...That is all I can manage, sometimes. Then, I continue doing what am doing. I hate it when am in that kind of state. Absolutely hate it. I hear on a daily basis, so many stories of Death...The saturation has dehumanized me... And I don't like what I see. I look into the mirror, and say to myself, this is not who you really are... Maybe this is my pathetic attempt to shield myself ...

I understand that some of you may not like Jazz, but how on earth can anyone not like Billie Holiday? Do you remember that song of hers, "Let's call the whole thing off"? "you say neether, I say neither you say eeether, I say either you like potayto, I like potaato, you like tomayto, I like tomaato, potayto, potaato, tomayto, tomaato let's call the whole thing off..." I just read in the Observer, the Guardian's sister, that the US army in Iraq is crippled by fatigue. The famous Guardian that still uses the Iraqi Body Count figure of 70'000 Iraqis dead as opposed to 1 million+ Iraqis dead since 2003. For more on that shameful reporting from the Guardian read Gabriele Zamparini's blog. The article says that those poor soldiers are suffering from sleep disorders, the proverbial PTSD, conjugal problems, exhaustion, lassitude and bouts of acute superstition... They also live on "Red Bull" and "Rip it". Now Red Bull, I have heard of...

I don’t know about you, but I miss watching one of those "tintillating" murder films... You know what I mean, don’t you? One of these suspense stories that keeps you glued to your seat and on your toes... Am sure you know what I mean. Of course, the more brilliant the producer is, the better the suspense... Only a lousy producer lets you know in advance...And lousy producers abound. I don’t know about you, but I like it best, when the detective (preferably an Arsene Lupin type) gathers the whole family, friends and starts questioning. Everyone is a possible culprit and yet everyone keeps this look of placid innocence plastered on. And I like it best, when the producer in his brilliance, makes you guess. Like, when you have everyone gathered, and they don’t say a word, but the look in their eyes reveals it all... And you immediately know, on some intuitive level, who the real murderer is. At first they all exchange greetings and are so civil... Then, something gives way. Somet...

Suffocating heat, scorching sun, dryness, pallor, dehydrated limp bodies trudging along, searching for a tiny corner of coolness, a bit of air... Searching desperately for a whiff of freshness, a caress of a breeze...nothing. Nothing but heat and sitting in pools of sweat. Water, search for water. Maybe we should drink our own sweat instead. A drop here, a drop there, counting them like precious little diamonds. The river is next door, eaten up by the Green zone... Evenings are long, tediously long. A light bulb here and a candle there, generators pumping, then stopping then pumping again...sometimes there are none. Fridges, freezers, air coolers, AC, fans, ventilators, forget it...only in the Green zone. Only in the comfort zone of the Brothel. Thirst, infants dying of thirst and the river still eaten up by the brothel holders... Quenching with the morning dew. Hoping it will change, maybe today, tomorrow, a little here and a little there, a piecemeal of hope, a tiny ray of light. But...

I did not feel like blogging tonight but was somehow compelled. As usual, I can't sleep. How I wish I can run away from it all... Some of you who follow my blog on a regular basis, know of Kamel's story. I mentioned in my post "Fresh from the Iraqi oven" , that Kamel is held in an American prison supervised and guarded by sectarian shia militias, on charges of "insurgency". I also mentioned that they demanded extortion money in exchange for his release and their signing a piece of paper saying he is not an insurgent- which is the truth. We finally managed to collect the requested sum of 2 Million Dinars. The money was paid and we got double crossed. They took the money and did not release Kamel. Only God knows what is happening to him right now. Money is not the only thing they extort from us. Sex read rape is another. I read a story today on IRIN and am reprinting in its entirety. Such kind of story is not uncommon at all. You hear them daily...in free Bag...