Mothers sitting in the Dark.

My mother is growing more silent each day . She seems to be out of reach . Unlike her old bubbly active self . I have caught her many a times sitting in the dark , alone, slouching on her sofa .
"What on earth is wrong with you ?" A question I would incessantly repeat . And she just gazes at me and shakes her head . The look in her eyes seems so distant , so far away .
"You have been watching the news again , haven't you Mom ? " . She manages a faint affirmative nod , a yes with quivering lips .
"Don't do this to yourself please Mother , don't do this to me "
"It is finished " she replies , " It is gone ".
I cannot argue otherwise . Indeed , it is finished , it is gone .
My mother is my Iraqi fortress . I cannot see her crumble that way . I am my mother's daughter and I cannot see myself crumble that way either . Where will I find the strength for the both of us ?
Where will I find the conviction that "things" will stop ? Where is the light at the end of this long dark tunnel ? A tunnel that seems endless paved with meaningless deaths and a misery that seems to stretch to infinity .
So far I have not managed to find either .
Occasionally I switch on the light and bring up some silly subject to distract her . At other times, I dissapear into the bathroom and cry quietly . But most of the time I sit beside her and retreat into our common world , our familiar ground . And there , I listen respectfully to the silence that surrounds us . Secretly praying that in these moments , we will both find hope .

Comments

Anonymous said…
Layla,
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It's hard to stay strong but there are some wonderful, inspiring people that help me alot.
Maybe you would find strength from them too:
Arundhati Roy
Vandana Shiva
Naomi Klein
Tariq Ramadan
Chandra Muzaffar
Hazrat Inayat Khan


peace sister.
Anonymous said…
You are a wonderful writer. The strength and honesty in your work is very touching,powerful, and moving.
good luck and God bless.
Layla Anwar said…
Thank you Anonymous .
Layla Anwar said…
anonymous 1 - thanks for the bibliography. Have read Tariq Ramadan's work (even though I may not agree with all of it . By the way he has a new book out in French on the Prophet- am not sure it has been translated yet.)
Read the works of A.Roy,I.Khan and N.Klein . Don't know the others , will check them out .
Anonymous said…
that sounds horrible layla......

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