Holding on...


I had a very poignant dream last night that left me shaking till this very hour, as I am writing this...

I dreamt I was in what looked like a pleasant place, as if pausing on a journey.
I was sitting eating ice cream and enjoying it. (I do not like sweets by the way.)

Next to me came three very well dressed ladies, looking very refined. They were westerners. Their jewelery shined and sparked under the pale sun and it was a cloudy day. They sat very close to me, on the same table. Too close for comfort.

They ordered a lot of food but kept eyeing and vying my little scoop of ice cream.
I tried ignoring them and remained civil which I usually do in such cases.

One of these very sophisticated women, simply reached out and took my little bowl of ice cream and started eating from it, as if I was not there, as if I was invisible.

I told her: " Why are you doing this. You have plenty of food in front of you. This is my little plate."
She retorted waving her hand brushing me away: "I do what I want".
I continued : " But this is my food. Who are you to take it that way, without even asking me." To which she replied sarcastically :" We are just tasting your food. We do not need your permission for that."

In the dream my voice got louder and louder and I ended up screaming at her: " I will sue all of you." She laughed and continued eating away from my little plate. Ignoring the ample food served in front of her and ignoring me.

Then, the dream took me to what looked like a huge concrete building. I was galloping on a horse and was surrounded by cars that kept honking at me. That building was the U.N. As I approached the gate, I saw packs of wild animals preying and attacking smaller ones, carrying their carcasses and hiding them in obscure modern places.

I saws wild leopards attacking antelopes and gazelles. I saw hyenas pouncing on smaller creatures. I was not able to enter the gates of the U.N.

Then the dream took me to yet another place. An old woman received me. I was in turmoil. She hugged me. I said to her: " Iman has died and I have no one to tell."
She held me for what seemed like a long time and I broke down in tears...I cried and cried and cried.

She said: " I will tell you a secret that Saddam Hussein knew and I want you to do the same. Hold on to the Palm tree like he held on to them.
Spirits, jins and protectors live in each single one of them. He knew that and held on. You hold on too."

Then I saw myself literally hugging, holding a Palm tree. And as I held it I cried even more. They were tears like torrents in a valley. A valley of sorrow and grief.
And I kept holding on tighter and tighter.

When I woke up, I saw myself invisibly hugging something, soaked in tears and I cried some more. And I still cannot stop crying.

I cried for all those gone and all those left behind.

I cried for Iman, Nabil, Hassan, Omar, Khalid, Suhair, Kamel, Radhee, Raouf, Randa, Maysoon, Nadia, Salam, Zakaria, Sarkis, Ann, Madeleine, Nasser, Ali, Bakr, Alia, Othman, Fawziaa, Sameera, Badiaa, my mother, my self...

I cried for my family, my relatives, my friends, those I know and those I do not know, my neighborhood, my town, my city, my country...

And I am still crying holding on...Holding on to that Palm tree, a Palm tree in a valley of devastation, tears and sorrow.


P.S: I learned that Iman 30's passed way. She had a brain heamorrhage. Too many checkpoints, barricades and detours. By the time, they made it to the hospital or what looked like a hospital. She was already gone. And am holding on...


Painting: Iraqi female artist, Nadya Mussawi. "A Rain symphony".

Comments

Anonymous said…
Ok, so now Saddam is your hero? Am I getting that right?
Anonymous said…
Dear Layla....deepest sympathy, hollow as it may sound. No words, Layla....
Anonymous said…
Ok, on further reading, I see that Layla and her admirers are, it seems, supporters of violence and admirers of the mass murderer Saddam Hussein.

You folks nauseate every bit as much as Bush and his warmongering neocons.
Anonymous said…
Little Deer said...
Dear Layla....deepest sympathy, hollow as it may sound. No words, Layla....

--

ditto
Anonymous said…
In the dream my voice got louder and louder and I ended up screaming at her: " I will sue all of you." She laughed and continued eating away from my little plate. Ignoring the ample food served in front of her and ignoring me

--

layla y didnt u grab her food and eat that??
Anonymous said…
fillip the brainless hubristic ameronazi, do you want the normal people her to really start vomiting on reading your disgusting ameronazi craP?
Anonymous said…
"I was galloping on a horse and was surrounded by cars that kept honking at me"

--

is there a deeper meaning 2 the fact u were on horse n they were in cars??
Anonymous said…
"And I am still crying holding on...Holding on to that Palm tree, a Palm tree in a valley of devastation, tears and sorrow"

--

very symbolic layla....and a very moving piece overall
Layla

Very sad :(

I believe that dreams are prophecy and or mean something always and aren't just random.


Fillip

Shut your fugly face (or fingers rather)
Layla Anwar said…
S.O.S

I am sad, depressed, angry and on the verge on a nervous breakdown.
I am tired of my computer problems.

1) I can't save a draft - it tells me java script void. Error on page.
That means I can't write and publish later.

2) I tried Mozilla firefox instead of Internet explorer and the results are worse. I have already lost three Drafts of three different posts. And the page dissapears and a error message from Firefox tells me : Firefox is not responding and everything goes blank.

I do not know what is going on. I wrote to Blogger.com and they can't even be bothered to reply to my several mails...

Am I being hacked again? If yes and am considered such a "sumerian cunt" why would anyone bother with hacking me?

So I need help on that front. Please email me with tips. Thanks.
Layla Anwar said…
This is a general reply to some of the threads on the previous post regarding Chomsky.

I do not share the opinion that Chomsky is the "left" par excellence and I agree with Losthere in his analysis of Chomsky.

Little Deer is correct when she is shocked that only 300 people showed up with Cindy Sheehan.

I ask Lawrance Cutter and the rest of the Anti war supporters to read this excellent article by Gabriele Zamparini.
It has a flow chart which shows you where the dough is coming from...Chomsky, Democracy Now, Z net...etc.... Link is here

http://www.thecatsdream.com/blog/2007/07/once-upon-time-in-iraq-money-makes.htm

And this should be made as a compulsory reading. Only then one understands why the so called Anti war movement has miserably faile and why ACADEMICS and journalists still use the figure of 70'000 Iraqi dead instead of the Lancet report of 655'000. They still rely on the IBC - the despicable name of Iraqi body count...
Layla

Re computer etc playing up I'm not much(none if I'm honest)help

However

Your blog is showing properly in Firefox.
Layla Anwar said…
Regarding Saddam Hussein and his chronic compulsive demonization about gassing kurds , the usual bla bla bla....

Where are the mass graves ladies and gentlemen? Do you want to see them ? They are right here...The mass graves that you INVENTED prior to 2003 and the mass graves you have CONTRIBUTED in digging since 2003.

Another compulsory read.By Malcolm Lagauche.

http://uruknet.info/?p=m34670&hd=&size=1&l=e
___________________________________

As for 9-11 and the usual litany
of American woes about muslims and arabs - I urge you to read the other piece by Malcolm Lagauche.

Malcolm Lagauche is not from Tora Bora. He is an American and he has enough intellectual integrity to call things by their names.

Link is here and that too should be made into a compulsory reading.
" A 1000 9-11's"

http://uruknet.info/?p=m34746&hd=&size=1&l=e
Anonymous said…
NO fillip, you're NOT getting it right,and I doubt that you ever will,but than thats to be expected from bush lovers and flag wavers in middle america.as for "mass murders" the moron in the white house holds the record for that.
Layla Anwar said…
filip said :

"Lured by a 'friend'.

I had the misfortune today of being lured by a 'friend' to a weblog of someone who writes incredibly eloquently about the tragedy the US invasion unleashed in Iraq, but who turns out to be a fan of Saddam Hussein and of the violence and mayhem in Iraq, as long as it is targetted against Americans (and presumably any Iraqis she doesn't like).

How can someone write so beautifully, with such vile intentions? It's the creepiest web site I've ever seen."

filip- what about that ugly portrait of yours? Do you have any idea how creepy it is? Or what about your middle america mentality? Do you have any idea how uglier and creepier it is?

Keep howling at the moon brave boy.
Anonymous said…
A further comment to yours, Layla. This filip thing has got it wrong - it's not just Layla who wishes for violence to target Americans - it's the ENTIRE WORLD WHICH WISHES IT. You and your lot (collectively, to use your favourite and only word) are despised and loathed across this planet.

Try getting out of your cocoon, step out of that stolen land (from Native Americans, as it's possible you don't know history either) and see how welcome you will be on any spot on this Earth. SCUM. I've heard that USans are now trying to pretend they are Canadian, just so they can be 'accepted' by the rest of the world. Rest assured, wherever Iraqis go, they don't have to call themselves anything else but Iraqi because they've done nothing wrong to anyone.

This site is not creepy - it's you, whose opinions go against everything that is CIVILISED and DECENT.
Anonymous said…
Layla,
a few tips for the computer. I'll give brief discriptions, if you've already done these let me know.
Also, How old is your computer?

1) System Restore- This allows you to 'turn your computer back' to a time when you didn't have problems.
you have to save documents to a disc or something, otherwise you lose them. You should have a memory stick anyway.
2) Using the CD that came with the computer, you can re-install the operating system.
3) Unistall the software causing the problem, then reinstall it again.

As for your dream. You should've punched that b*tch. Don't ever let someone steal your ice cream.

Lady or not, noone touches my ice cream!
Layla Anwar said…
Thanks Lady. I am not sure I can do all the above, but will try.
Layla Anwar said…
Symbolism of the Dream.

The unconscious speaks in parables, allegories and symbols. Nothing is to be taken litteraly.

This is my interpretation of it. And each one of you will see it differently, but that is the beauty of dreaming.

1) The three Western women stand for Western Greed. They had ample food in front of them but kept on eyeing my ice cream. The concept of more more and more comes to mind. Wanting more and wanting what others have. And grabbing it with no permission. Grabbing it with arrogance. Grabbing it because one thinks one is entitled to it.

2) Their jewerly clouded the sun. ie materialism clouds light, clouds lucidity, clouds true seeing.

3) the horse is an old means of transport. I was on a horse surrounded by honking cars. I was the odd one out.Cars as means of transport are modern, mine was not. It was outdated and looked odd. Horses also stand for chivalry, warriors, and you can add your own associations.

4)I went to the UN but the gates were closed and wild animals were on the go. The U.N represents collective efforts, an outside body, the international community, the world public opinion, the anti war movement. But the gates were closed. And instead I found animals engaged in wild jungle politics...preying, killing and dragging their victims in Modern dwellings. A hint concerning the "progress and modernity" of the international community . It also means that there is no hope coming from out there. The message is "Don't rely on them".

5) the old woman represents a seer or a sage, wisdom. She tells me a secret. A survival kit.

6)The palm tree is what is symbolically used to designate Iraq. Since Iraq has 350 sorts of dates. Iraq is the Palm Tree.

7) inside each palm tree lies spirits, jinns and protectors. Inside each palm tree,,,inside each Iraqi lies the spiritual force for his - her survival and victory.

8)Saddam Hussein is the symbol of Strength, courage and bravery. He knew that secret (alluded to by the old woman) hence he was unafraid to meet Death.

9) And when everything else is in ruins around us - in horizontal positions - we hold on to symbols of verticality. A palm tree, a leader, a vision.
Anonymous said…
Hi layla,

RE: Mass Graves.

Just to let you know that the use of the mass graves argument was developed after 1991, which also saw a growth in the number of those who died in Halabja.

Even durring the 1980's, the Iraqi Opposition never went so far as to claim that millions, hundreds of thousands, died and are buried in Mass Graves inside of Iraq.

The argument of mass graves was developed by what became the "Iraqi Opposition" after the Gulf War and was mainly used as a weapon to silence critics durring the 1990's.

This was mainly because the opposition knew the reaction that talk of mass graves would cause in the West, inlight of the connection with Holocause memory and thus, Saddam Hussain became the new Hitler.

What the opposition never once made public, was how the Ba'ath Party did infact provide them with information on many of the alledged dissapeared durring the 1990's, with SOME people turning out to not be dead but living in countries like Libya, Morrocco, tunisia etc.

Other's claimed "dead" also later turned out to be living, on some occassions on the Oppositions own back door i.e in the West.
Anonymous said…
"Why are you doing this. You have plenty of food in front of you."

Sure .. a sumptuously laid Pantagruelian table weighed down with colorless, odorless, tasteless plastic food ..

Your, our "little bowl of ice-cream", though humble to the eye, is real .. and a heavenly delight to both the senses and the soul ..

Deep down, "she", "they" are nothing but spiritual starvers in the desert of their nothingness .. foolishly proud starvers willing to assault, kill and rob sooner than humanly admit to being in need ..

Hold on to the Palm Tree, Layla .. trust in Her and nothing else under the sun or the star-lit skies .. least of all the United Nations and the so-called "international community" .. hug Her tight .. press your body against Her trunk .. breathe in Her resinous scent .. listen to the rustling of Her leaves above your head .. or is it the whispering of the jinns telling each other stories rooted back in the mists of time ? .. don't ask questions .. just listen and learn .. remember .. then close your eyes with child-like confident abandon .. and melt .. merge .. confuse .. unite your destiny with Hers ..

I blow a gentle kiss up to Iman .. and a smacking one out to you ..

Your sister and fellow-Palm Tree lover,

Hala
Anonymous said…
Your sister and fellow-Palm Tree lover

--

u can add me 2 that list too....i love palm trees
Layla Anwar said…
Iraqi democrat,

Thanks for the previous satirical comment - it cracked me up. And I appreciate this one too. I think it is very important for others to hear what you have to say and how the so called opposition beefed up all the claims - so we ended up with what we have now. Not much left!
Layla Anwar said…
Hello Hala the palm tree lover,
thank you for your beautiful words.
Anonymous said…
Little Deer,

You go girl, tell it how it is to the biggest theifs in the world. I'm proud to have the blood of the true americans in me. They can lie to the world but you as I know the real truth!!!

Bless you my sisters (you and Layla) of the real world! Keep your hearts on the side of truth.

Savage
Anonymous said…
Layla, another beautiful post.

I remember when I read about rows of palm trees being bulldozed in Baghdad, I literally felt sick. I wanted to scream out "Not the palm trees".

I didn't know why, when there was so much mass killing going on, except that these trees would be quite ancient, and I knew how very important they were to Iraqis.

Now I know my gut feeling was correct.

I also read both your "compulsory readings", even though I pretty much knew it all before. Chompsky sickens me. So much talk. So very little done. In fact, nothing gets done for all his talk talk talk. I never bother to read him.

My son has planted a palm tree in front of his house. It was his obsession. I will go and give it a hug for you.

And I am glad you didn't reach out and take the plentiful food the other "women" had. That shows that Iaqis are more honourable than many westerners.
Anonymous said…
Layla Your site mite be under heavy attack by NSA Goons FBI Division 5 out of Denver Al Qeada FBI-CIA-MI6-KGB Headquarters 3900 E. Mexico Ave. Denver Colorado 6th floor. The old Silverado Saving & Loan Building (I-25 & Colorado Blvd.) data mining/drift netting on a huge scale. siw
LostHere said…
So Layla, Why don't you write your posts on a word processor first so you can save it and get back to it when you want? Then you can copy and paste it (if you need instructions for the Copy&Pasting you can get them from some of the fellows that post on your blog,.. they seem very adept to it), seriously, it could save you some aggravation.
Your post is clear on FireFox now.
Thank you
Anonymous said…
Jr.: "u can add me 2 that list too....i love palm trees"

Such a coincidence, but I love palms very much, too. Therefore, I particularly love the painting with this blog.

Layla, add me on too. I know that the Palm is a symbol of Iraq, and when I read, like Daphne, that they (occupiers) had razed down all those palms in Baghdad, it broke my heart.

Thank you, Savage, it's good to see you here. Yes, real-blooded American, not like the ones who have borrowed the name, just as they now do as 'Canadian'!!!!!
Layla Anwar said…
Hello Daphne,

If your son just planted a palm tree and it is a baby palm tree it is important to cover it with a big brown cloth. You know the stuff that potato bags are made of - otherwise the baby palm tree will wither either from the cold or the heat...
Thanks for your comments.
Anonymous said…
Yes, Layla, Palm Trees are demanding, just like babies and every other "thing of worth" in this world.

It takes time, patience, dedication and infinite love to grow a delicate seedling into a tall, strong and defiant evergreen ..
Angel said…
Don't have a nervous breakdown. I've been there and done that. I guarantee it's no picnic.

I had 2 solid years of panic attacks, unable to leave the house, etc.

I can't help with your dream interpretation or computer woes, but I can support you by telling you your blog is one of my favourite places. You don't write dribble and shit, to put it bluntly.

I also like the charactors here, most of them, anyway. You can always tell when someone is on a mission, it shows in their style of writing.

Thankyou Layla, for writing thought provoking articles. Thanks to everyone who blogs, as well.
Anonymous said…
You left out one huge factor in the dream interpretation.
You LET her take it!

You need to get a fighting spirit. A physical, spiritual and emotional.
You've mastered the verbal part..
Anonymous said…
Angel,

Everyone with a minimum "presence of heart" attaches significance of a "mission" to the existence ..
Anonymous said…
Jr.: "u can add me 2 that list too....i love palm trees"

Such a coincidence, but I love palms very much, too


--

wow wot a coincidence....palm trees r my favourite
Anonymous said…
I remember when I read about rows of palm trees being bulldozed in Baghdad, I literally felt sick. I wanted to scream out "Not the palm trees".
--

lol
Anonymous said…
Chompsky sickens me. So much talk. So very little done. In fact, nothing gets done for all his talk talk talk. I never bother to read him.
---
cant argue with logic like that
Anonymous said…
Anonymous,

"You LET her take it!"

Come nearer that I have to whisper a secret in your ear:

The "ice-cream" is MAGIC: delicious in the mouth of a rightful enjoyer, it turns into HEMLOCK in that of a thieving glutton.

If you don't believe me, ask the damned soul of Ayatollah Khomeini ..
Anonymous said…
And I am glad you didn't reach out and take the plentiful food the other "women" had. That shows that Iaqis are more honourable than many westerners.
---

daftny can u STOP sucking up so much......it is starting 2 get a bit nauseuous
Angel said…
jr...

You make me smile.

Did anyone see the doc named "In the Shadow of the Palms".? About Iraq? I know some of you were there, but for those that weren't, it's a must see.

The live 24 hour countdown in Baghdad prior to 'shock & awe'. It followed the lives of several families. I broke down after the first 15 minutes, and not just a few tears. I sobbed for hours. I didn't want to watch, but I could not stop.

Losing family is bad enough, but watching is another thing.
Layla Anwar said…
lol. funny stuff here.
A fighting spirit huh? What do you think I am a Samourai?
Anonymous said…
Jr., it's amazing, isn't it?

The scenes I appreciate very much, whether postcard or painting, usually during sunrise or sunset are those with palms, either fully visible or in silhouette...

I'm glad you like them, too! I'm sure, if many of us has to get together (at least, those of us who've been here a while), we'd find out that we have a lot more in common, in addition to our feelings about Iraq....and our wonderful hostess here.
Anonymous said…
wots your favourite colour little dear?? mines blue
Anonymous said…
Thank you for your respone Layla.

No, this tree was carried hundreds of miles from South Australia (we live in Melbourne) and is really quite large. Howevere, it was touch and go whether it would make it as we had a very bad drought over summer.

But new leaves are sprouting, and we're all pretty pleased about that!

I must add that I love your latest paintings. You have chosen so well. The painting of an Arab woman in your "Feminine" article was so beautiful, and so have all the others since.

I also saw pictures of what the Iraqis are painting on that hideous concrete wall going up in Baghdad. They were amazing - and spoke of the Iraqi people's longing for freedom.
Anonymous said…
jr said...
And I am glad you didn't reach out and take the plentiful food the other "women" had. That shows that Iaqis are more honourable than many westerners.
---

daftny can u STOP sucking up so much......it is starting 2 get a bit nauseuous

* * * * *

Jr, as it happens, I am not "sucking up". I have long since lost a lot of respect for the western "mind", which has been trained to think only of itself.

BTW, Chompsky I have read. Then I stopped. I have much more interesting stuff to read than what he says. He is a "gatekeeper" in my opinion.

Even today, in our headlines, on our radio, a VIP says that the Indian doctor our government has accused of "terrorism" with regard to the fake London car burnings should be deported immediately, as the case is going to fold because of unfounded charges - it will not do the govt any good to have him around. The interviewer asked was this fair and reasonable, and he VIP (whose name escapes me) stuck to his "he must be deported" line.

DEFINITELY no morals there. That is politics today, and we the people keep voting in the very people who lie to us and have no conscience. So I reiterate, I am glad Layla didn't reach out and take their food. She simply couldn't stoop so low.

Now instead of one line attacks on me, how about discussing what I am saying in intelligent debate? (Yeah, like they probably do in Iraq...)

And start by spelling my name correctly. Or do you have trouble there?

Popular posts from this blog

A brief Hate statement...

Endless Beginnings...

The White Ebony & the Eunuch