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Showing posts from 2010

Goodbye 2010

I am looking forward to a new year and have prepared a few rituals to close the door on 2010.

All this is very symbolic, but a necessary rite of passage...

I have no resolutions to mention, I believe in transformation, not resolutions...I believe in metamorphosis not lists of - I must, I should...This, on a purely personal level.

Insofar as Iraq is concerned, I am not optimistic. The American/Iranian destruction has been too deeply structurally ravaging - generations of Iraqis will be paying the price of your evilness for decades to come.

I might be closing the door on 2010, but one thing I will never let go of, is my deep contempt and loathing for the United States of America.

I see you as midgets, the midgets of history and no amount of new year resolutions will change that, not in 2011, not in 2020....and no amount of rituals, magic or prayers will lift that cruel but sweet and well deserved karma you will be collectively facing. Of that am sure.

The Dead, the Missing, the Maimed…

The Final Chapter...

I just spent a whole hour giving birth to a poem
so called poem
a few lines
wrenched from my guts
with the forceps of a Condi Rice
propelled from my womb
with phosphorus labor pangs

My connection to the outside world
died on me
I lost my poem
my few lines
from a final chapter
from a long lost
forgotten book...

My connection died on me
like others died on me
slumping like pieces of wood
in my arms
charcoal brown
a withered dried leaf
in Autumn
blue, a Summer sky
pastel pale
budding flowers in Spring
white as a snow flake
a full moon
in a crispy cold
Winter night.

My connection died on me
this is not the first time
me who wanted
to write heroic epics
made of magical numbers and codes
made of lost dwellings
and secret rites
of an ancient people.


I lost my lines
the lines of a final chapter
from a never ending story...
This is my final chapter
a few sentences
from a poem betting
on connections...

This is my final chapter
from a long love story
a romance
with ghosts
where lovers
meet …

Baghdad's Bloody Xmas Leaks...

Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? Season's Greetings? What Christmas, what Holidays, what Greetings?!

Another Christmas has gone by and the American Santa has delivered us nothing but body bags and blood containers...

Now that Arab Sunnis have been ethnically cleansed and exiled in thousands, it is the Iraqi Christians turn.

For the Festivities, they closed down their Churches, ripped the decoration, packed their suitcases and forced themselves into a permanent exile.

Around this time of the year, between the 24 and 31st of December, the corrupt criminal Jingle Bell boys installed by the US Santa are sure to deliver you some goodies...

No wonder this time of the year is the most painful one for me. Excruciatingly so.

Moreover a friend in Baghdad, I'll call him/her A.sent me the following :

I don't know where to start...there is no day that goes by without news of assassinations and killings. The use of the Silencer gun is their preferred method. Just a few days ago, there w…

American Blues...

Truth be told, I tremendously dislike you...at times I vehemently hate you.

Iraq apart...aside, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and the rest aside,

I find you petty, stupid, dumb, uncultured and uncivilized...

I hate your fucking chewing gum, your lifestyle, your ideals, and your ideas...I happen to believe you have no ideas. To have an idea presupposes you are capable of independent thought...which, alas, is not the case.

I also tremendously dislike your left, your anti war politically correct crowd. I find them opportunistic, shallow, parrot like, and anyone can buy them with a buck ($) or two.

I don't respect America. Truth be told.

I don't respect America or Americans...

In my hearts of hearts, despite your technology, your death industry, very potent I must add..
Despite your trying so hard to "alternatively" cultivate yourselves here and there...

I find you quite provincial.

Not only do I find you provincial...in your mind frame, in your ways of being, I also fi…

Iraqi Blues...

A Open Letter to the Iraqis.

You must know, it is not you who keeps me going, it is Iraq.
It is the collective memory, the collective consciousness that keeps me going...not you.

You are a sham of a people.
It hurts me to say so publicly but that is the truth.

I am not an idiot. I understand people and where they come from...I know the pain and I know the apprehension, the fear, the shut up keep quiet...
This is not to minimize the wounds
nor to bury the scars
this is a plea for a Revolt
not even a plea
just a statement, an open letter...


I am so disappointed in you
all of you
specially those of you on the outside
I am no idiot
I know you're still alive
I know you're struggling
and I know how opportunistic you have become...

It shames me
I want to hide in shame
cover myself in blankets
of forgetfulness...

This is not what I learned
this is not what I saw
before
before...

I am not sure anymore
if there's a before
if there's an after


All I know is
lives gone in vain
sa…

Iraq Will Not Go On The Back Burner.

Yeah you read me right, Iraq will not go on the back burner.

What the fuck is this ?! I am everywhere...I read, I observe, I hear.. All of you should be repeating IRAQ day in, day out...yes Iraq, a WHOLE country gone because of your silence...a WHOLE nation, a WHOLE people...

What the fuck is this ?! Someone slap me, someone pinch me...I can't believe the Silence.

I repeat -- a US military armada greater than the size of the one used during World War II invaded this country, a country the size of California and that during the 21st century-- the age of Human rights, the age of the Global Village, the age of Democracy. And you are still silent?

During World War 2, the civilian cost was roughly 45%. During Vietnam it was 70% and during the US invasion and occupation of Iraq it is at 90%.

And you are still silent ? I can't fucking believe it!

What are you trying to tell me here ? Are you trying to tell me that this a fait accompli and I should accept it ? If this is so -- then, a…

Broken Bottle Blues...

Refer to my previous post first.

Some wrote to me wanting "clarifications" regarding the video I referred to in my previous "rant".

First, I have already translated this video into English and it was published on Uruknet some weeks ago.

So here we go again.

Video is of Jaysh Al-Mahdi army of Muqtada Al-Sadr (who wants a ban on bottles of alcoholic drinks) torturing by sodomizing a detainee with a broken bottle. In beginning of video which I forced myself to watch over 3 times for the sake of Truth

-the torturer says: are you going to talk or do you want the bottle again.
-the man pleads with him, more like shrieks like a regressed infant about to rejoin the womb again.
- the man gets sodomized again and you can hear his screams
- the man dies
- the aide says he's dead.
- the torturer asks again - is he dead for sure, bring the electrical cables
- another voice says throw water on him to wake him up
- another man says - no he's dead for sure.
- the man is …

Drilling Blues...

My life seems to be made out of Blues...postnasal blues, drilling blues, woman's blues, Iraqi blues...

Is it the blues or is it an obsession ?

Maybe am obsessed...am totally obsessed, possessed more like it...maybe it's the "aura" of the "anti American" "fiery nationalistic cleric" Muqtada Al-Sadr that has taken hold of me. Maybe I can't shake off those Muqtada Blues...

It's not that I have anything against fat bastards with rotting teeth...as long as I am not asked to kiss them, or be forced to kiss them...in the context of the Shiastan blues.

In present day Iraq, if you can't afford to kiss, you are drilled...okay you were drilled, now you're just playfully poked, jabbed with manual screw drivers or you're just sodomized to death like in this video courtesy of the Jaysh Al-Mahdi now re-baptized as some cultural and charity organization who plays poker politics and vies the Ministries of "Education, Culture, Trade, Financ…

Post Nasal Blues ...

I get a weird form of Sinusitis...the doc calls it postnasal drip. So when the cold or "kewl" season arrives, I take all my precautions...

I'm an obsessive Arab. I wash everything. But I can't wash away those nasal blues...

The other day, I overheard that postnasal drip. I was kind of stuck, could not run for the nearest exit, as I usually do, in such unfortunate circumstances.

That squeaky, mousy, nasal shit was being drilled in my ears...like some long whine, a never ending whine...

I have sensitive ears...I do, really.

And these drawn out words were doing me in...

I felt the panic rise in me...breath deep woman. In, out...inhale, exhale...

This is what happens to me every time I hear an American accent...something in me snaps and flips.

I shared that with a friend ...who assured me I was not insane. He told me -- you just have the American postnasal blues and it keeps dripping...

Yeah, Iraq again !

I am really sorry to bother you...I know you have more important things. Health insurance, tax cuts, BP spill and another flotilla to Gaza.

Yeah it's Iraq again. And will always be.

I will not let this GENOCIDE go by. I will not allow the Holocaust of Freedom and Democracy vanquish me...so it's Iraq again on the agenda. I put it on the agenda, top priority, top of the list.

Iraq, a country the size of California, where by the words of a General of the US.army, (Odierno), has witnessed the BIGGEST, LARGEST movement of military equipment -- the US armada --since WORLD WAR II.

In other words, since World War II there has not been anything similar...for a country the size of California.

World War II ? Do any of you read history at all ? Do you know how many allies there were during World War II ? And during World War II, military technology was not as "advanced".

Iraq, the size of California, a "third world" country, broken by over 10 years of sanctions, and…

Blow it Away...To a suicide Bomber.

I understand the need to blow up, explode...I see where you, the poor you is coming from...I understand what you've been through, how they managed to capitalize on your pain...

Most likely, you're still young, a starter, wanting to do it well...wanting to gain favors, you who have lost it all.

See that body laying there in pieces...it's yours.

Next to it lies tens of other bodies...dispersed like flowers in a field...a field, a garden, you've always wanted to visit.

I went to the butcher this afternoon

He's in the habit of selling dead meat

He's a kind man...he's doing his best.

I went to the vegetable stalls,

He's 40 something, has 5 kids, and is God fearing

maybe he does cheat a little every now and then

but his crime is nothing compared to yours...

Looking Back...

I have to rush out but I really need to write down those impressions before heading for the door...

I went through my usual Friday morning ritual; buy the daily paper, and go for a coffee. I always try to find a secluded corner - I hate noise, and am not too friendly with crowds. I found a nice spot by the window. I like being by the window, makes me feel part of the outside world yet this transparent glass acts like some barrier, frontier, border, separation...a necessary distance.

Ten minutes later, 2 elderly couples walked in, they must have been in their mid to late 70's. Am not really good at guessing ages - anything beyond 40 is difficult for me to figure out.

At first, I felt an annoyance stir up in me, after all I went to great length to find that exact spot and now it's being invaded by two couples. But they looked jovial and happy, the ladies were elegantly dressed and the husbands looked caring. A refreshing breeze from the usual stale energy and the deep frowning …

Iraqi Wajd...

Wajd in Arabic can mean trance, ecstasy, passion, rapture...

Halet Wajd means a state of trance, ecstasy, passion, rapture.

Iraq despite and in spite of it all -- still inspires me with all the above.



Youtube : Nasser Shamaa, Iraqi Artist, composer and Oud virtuoso. uploaded by saeed885

Crucified Fragments...

Iraq's mosaic, social fabric has disintegrated - that's it. I do not want to hear any bastard talk of national reconciliation no more. There is no national reconciliation because there is no national project and there is no national culture because there is no Nation-State and no Nation left.

This is the stark Truth. A destroyed, disintegrated, torn, fragmented, crucified country. Crucified at the altar of American democracy and freedom, crucified at the altar of Iranian political Shi'ism, crucified in the offices of big business contracts, crucified in an oil field. Crucified and abandoned. Will it ever resurrect ? I don't think so - I have lost faith. God has abandoned us. And I want to shout - Oh Lord why have you forsaken us ?!

Yesterday - 265 Iraqi Christians families have fled from Baghdad and Mosul to Erbil. They were carrying a blanket, a pillow and a few belongings. They are roaming the streets of Erbil to find a place to sleep. One said - we can't even fi…

Open Chapters in Dungeons...

I am starting to sound like some old woman - you know, the one who keeps repeating the same story and everyone around nods their head in politeness and once she turns her back, they raise their eyebrows as if to say --- yeah it's her again, she's at it again !

Well yes, am at it again. Why shouldn't I ? What has changed for me to change that "broken record"?

How many of you can live a "normal" life not knowing what has happened to the people you care for ?!

I still don't know where O. is and if he's still alive. It's a big mystery. Why can't anyone tell us ? What is this Freedom where you simply disappear and no one knows anything about your whereabouts ? Is he dead, is he alive, where is he, what happened, if dead where is his body, in which mass grave, who saw him last, in which prison, was he badly tortured, how did he die, did he die, can we keep hope, can we still wait some more, can anyone tell us anything ? these are questions I l…

Iraq : An American-Iranian Ecological Disaster.

I wanted to go for a long walk, and breath some fresh air, but I changed my mind. I have stored yesterday's information in my mind and scribbled a few facts on a piece of paper and I do not wish to lose any of the data. This is urgent. Dead urgent, like everything else in Iraq.

I have written before maybe not a great length, about the ecological disaster that has befallen Iraq following the American occupation in 2003. A multifaceted environmental crisis which has already produced some bitter fruits.

There is of course the million of years life span contamination of Iraqi soil and water with Depleted Uranium, and I suppose by now, the reader is familiar with the effects of D.U on Iraqi people and their health system, with the soaring birth defects, and cancer rates among children not sparing women, men nor the elderly. A quick search on Falluja and Basra will be a good reminder.

Besides D.U there is also the destruction of arable land. The Americans proceeded to burn entire agri…

Discourses in the Aftermath...

Someone remarked the other day - "Tweeting/reading/blogging about Iraq is simply super depressing. And am just an outside observer! "

Yes so true. It is super depressing.

Going daily through material related to post liberated Iraq leaves me hopeless, enraged, traumatized, gasping in horror at the extent of the hideous, heinous, grotesque acts that have been committed and are still committed in the name of Freedom.

Daily I go through not less than 50 articles, in Arabic and in English...I watch out for a sentence, a line, a word that will reveal the bigger picture...hidden underneath layers of politically correct garbage reporting and journalism.

I am still to finish my reflections on the Wikileaks war logs - and am exhausted, am mentally exhausted of being one of the few that sees the whole bloody picture staring me, glaring me in the eye, in my waking days and in my sleep, while others are still trying to sweep it under the thick carpet of silence, breaking the already s…

Iraqi Christians - Who is behind their Massacre & Exodus ?

I said it on Twitter and will repeat it again here - You can't divorce the death sentence issued against Tariq Aziz - an Iraqi Christian and FM under Saddam Hussein and the latest spate of violence and murder committed against Iraqi Christians.

In Baghdad - the blame is laid on Al-Qaeda. In the following article, you will see for yourselves who Al-Qaeda Iraq is. Iraqi Christians in Baghdad also point the finger to Jaysh Al-Mahdi of Muqtada Al-Sadr. (article here)

In the North, in Mosul in particular there's a massive exodus of Iraqi Christians, either outside the country or to the outskirts of the Nineveh province. Hundreds of Iraqi Christians have closed down their businesses and are living in rented Churches, in dire conditions.

Information that I've been receiving lay the blame on the Iraqi forces (loyal to Maliki and the Shiite parties) and the Kurdish militia called the Peshmergas.

Below is an email I just received regarding the massacre of Iraqi Christians in Bag…

Iraq - War Logs Reflections.3

I have finally managed to write my third in the series. This one is not directly related to the Wikileaks revelations but rather will provide the reader with the background framework without which the Wikileaks documents do not make any sense.

In my two other posts I used metaphors to illustrate certain points, and I mentioned that at times the use of the logical rational mind is also needed to complete a picture and make sense of it.

This post will rely solely, most likely on the use of the rational mind and the logic of deductive thinking.

Remember what I said about Oral History and its transmission ? That too relied on deductive thinking on the part of the receiver - and I hope you shall use yours.

Iraq - a hard nut to crack.

Iraq was a hard nut to crack - granted. Saddam Hussein and his regime held onto it tighthly and at times with an iron fist.  In retrospect that proved not such a bad thing after all. As the Koran says - it may be that you detest something but it holds goodness…

Short of Words...(for now)

It feels as if I have not posted in ages...

Am too taken by some sectarian Shia shit who's harassing me - deliberate evil on his part for no reason...for no objective reason except, maybe because I am a non Shiite Iraqi. Well yeah I don't like shit nor the smell of it...that's a good enough reason I suppose.

Anyways...seen too much so far. Fucking Mercy where are you ?

Guess I've got to go through another episode of the Sunni Witch Hunt...keep the motions going until the awaited Mahdi lands...somewhere in Mesopotamia.

Do nudge me when he does...got a chalice filled with fresh blood to offer him.


In the meantime...until...I am going to listen to songs.

I like this one, understand nothing of the words...but no matter. I understand it all.


Nasrallah, Tariq Aziz - What's the Link ?

This is a rushed post, I need to jot down my thoughts before they rush out...

Nasrallah - he's no Sayyed for me, threatens grave and dire consequences if there's a follow through in the Hariri Tribunal - meaning he's threatening a civil war in Lebanon based on sect.
That was foreseen when the Hezb of the Charlatans kept all the characteristics of an armed militia, and joined the Lebanese political process. Does that remind you of anyone else ?

Yep it sure does - it reminds me of the Iran backed, funded, trained militias and death squads who murdered Iraqis with impunity and joined the Iraqi political process as Shiite parties.

Why Nasrallah's threats - typical of a neighborhood's thug. And why now ? Did the latest Wikileaks revelations show anything that bothers Iran by any chance ?

And in the same vein, why the latest announcement for the lynching of Tariq Aziz, charged with "deliberate crimes and murder against humanity" - murder against whom exactly ?…

Iraq - War Logs Reflections.2

It is important that I continue with my thoughts, I do not wish to lose any of the insights am getting, the many levels of Truth I am grasping...I am hungry but food can wait, I am sleepy but sleep can wait, I need fresh air but breathing can wait...I am not just doing this for the reader, I am also doing it for me. An ex boyfriend once told me I should have become a detective - he said sniffing the Truth is in your blood. I think he's right.

I love story telling and the use of metaphors, symbols and allegories in the narrative, because through these, the Essence of things is revealed. Rational analysis is important too, but in dire circumstances when the unthinkable is experienced, analysis means paralysis - you go round and round in circles, because what's lying in your guts, beneath the logical rational mind is not being addressed...so how can I possibly waste a moment like this one ?

And what prompts me so, except Love ? It's really very simple isn't it ?

For me t…

Iraq - War Logs Reflections.1

This may be one post or a series of posts - I don't know yet. I shall leak my own thoughts as I see fit...

Yesterday's Wikileaks release of classified US Army documents were an important turning point for me personally and for me as an Iraqi. But not only for me, I know of other Iraqis who sighed with a little, a LITTLE relief.

I caught one on Twitter who wrote - I love you Wikileak, maybe now I can sleep with a little peace.

I uttered out of the blue - in some sort of automatic writing - We demand to know from America and Iran why you killed, tortured, raped and exiled us.

As an Iraqi, I felt that I was slowly waking up from a long nightmare. I held on to that feeling and I hardly slept at all ...something was churning inside of me. I needed to get to the bottom of it.

It was not the familiar rage, nor the all too familiar sadness, there was something more...hence this post.

I spent many hours reading the actual War Logs on Wikileaks Website. Names have been erased, but I …

The End of History.

The Universe, the Cosmos, Awareness, Consciousness, Love, Hate, Friendship, Life...the triumph of Love over Death....All is made of many levels...so is History.

There is the Beginning and there is the End. There is the beginning of Civilization and there is the end of Civilization...and there are the gray areas in between, the pangs of Death and Rebirth.

History's many levels are made of beginnings and ends...and those gray areas.
Some beginnings illuminate the world and some of its endings darken it into total Obscurity.

So how do we define History ? Most probably by its contribution to Civilization - by its insertion in the Civilization process...

Civil-ization process.

Civil, civic, civility, civilization....

If I take the above as some preliminary definition of what History is, then Fukuyama is correct. This is the end of History - but not for the same reasons.

I don't know about you, but for me, History resides in tangibles...eternal tangibles, that withstand time, time …

Secrets...

I carry many secrets inside of me...I am no partisan of letting your hair down in public.

Not that I care so much about reputation, whatever I do or say, I am absolved...yes, you see I take the words of your Lord so literally...I figure I have paid well in advance...so it's not my reputation that is at stake...but I do care for the people I love...I am very protective of them.

I don't want to use their sufferings as feed for a blog post, and am always very cautious to protect their anonymity...not only out of fear, but out of respect...respect for their pain.

Pain too requires respect, just in case you did not know.

So am a bit of a prude, I allude to things, write around a subject...of course inside am dying for the Truth to be grasped, like some spring flower you pluck to smell its full fragrance...

Yet, still, Respect prevents me from divulging too much.

Yet, the secrets I harbor, the intimate details of what happened, leave me so sleeplessly raw.

Maybe this does not make …

The Clash of Ignorance - Islam Hijacked.

There is no clash of civilization or culture ---there is a clash of ignorance. This is the age of Ignorance, this is the Jahiliya.

Many like to believe that the Jahiliya is a period that is bygone. Not so, the Jahiliya is ever present - every where. It is present in the West and it is present in the East. So are the idols that characterize this period.

There is Belief  - you inherit that stuff from your family, environment, school, society and there is Faith.

Faith is not Belief. Faith is something that one works on, cultivates, infused with much Grace. Grace is not tied to any race, sect, culture or civilization...Grace is above and beyond...like Rain, it falls on everyone...

It is with this in mind, that I want to approach the subject of Islam and the Other. And it is with this in mind that I want to tackle the West and Islam.

I am not sure I want to use the current terminology that one often comes across in today's literature on this topic - words like -- tolerance, acceptance …

Don't Let Iraq Slip Through Your Fingers...

I am very, very pissed off. Really, truly pissed off. I am pissed off at Iraqis and at their complacency, silence and apathy...I really am.

Daily I receive not less than 50 to 70 emails all in Arabic - all articles on Iraq. Sorry but that's not good enough. It's not good enough at all.

These are emails circulating within a closed circle and they are not made available in English to a wider public. There are thousands of Iraqis who have good command of the English language, they live in the US, England and elsewhere, scattered all over...what are you doing exactly ? The Answer is NOTHING. You are doing NOTHING.

The Iraqi blogosphere and social media is as shameful and as pathetic as the current Iraqi situation.

Why aren't more of you on Twitter or Facebook - writing and informing people in English ? Why, what exactly are you waiting for ? But you are good at leaving teary comments on youtube songs...Well this is not what's going to save your asses.

Daily in your "b…

Stockholm Syndrome...

I get to meet all sorts of people online...and in some way am grateful. Am grateful because everyday I learn more about human idiocy and human courage...

I've met some really vile people - a great majority, and I've met some good people - a minority.

You meet all sorts...literally...a microcosmic world made huge right before your very eyes...and I keep on learning...

Today I met a Vet, who said to me :

I could almost feel your anger. If I were from Iraq I would have rage. Have bits from Vietnam, was on wrong side. I'm anti-war, but it's because I was in Vietnam. I soon learned we are not the 'good guys'.I went to war  to kill and win medals. Naive. But I met HER on my 1st day. The Girl I met on Christmas Day 1968. I felt God put HER there to show me what war really is...

then he added : Layla your country was always a great civilization...I'm ashamed of what my country is doing to it...

And this was my reply to him :

Thank you...I (oddly enough) always have a…

Iran and Its Shiite Militias - Again.

The nightmare is not ending...the nightmare will never end as long as the Iranian/American collaboration is not publicly acknowledged by the Arabs, the West and the International Community as a whole...and in particular the media, mainstream and alternative alike. We, Iraqis, have been saying it for years, since 2003...but no one listens to us...even Iraqi Shias are saying it - yet no one hears us...

The last in line, is yet another machination by that fascist State called Iran in Iraq's future.
Future: we have no bloody future...not when you are a under a dual American Iranian occupation, not to mention the tangible Israeli presence in so-called Kurdistan.

It's been over 7 months since the Iraqis dipped their fingers in that cursed purple ink, in so-called democratic elections, imposed by the Occupier- Democracy by Force, a travesty that has cost us thousands of dead, amputated, missing and exiled...an election process that was marred with blood and deaths...

What Freedom ? W…

Possessive ...

When it comes to Iraq...am like a Tigress -- exclusive, territorial, and very possessive. Call it nationalism, call it patriotism, call it chauvinism, call it whatever you like. I don't give a fuck how and what you call it.

Iraq runs in my blood, like oxygen --thicker than blood, and as yielding as water...you can't grab the thing... whatever you do...

Feels like a child fighting during a school recreational break --when other kids try to bully you and steal your candies -- I'd pull back, kick and fight back, till my last breath, shouting -- this is MINE, you can't take it.

I did not like being bullied as a child and today, I am ready to bite anyone's head off if he/she tries to bully me, in any way...

And it's exactly the same for Iraq.




Video : Bashar Al-Azzawi rendition of Nohee. Iraqi traditional song.