A "Recovery" Dream...


I really do not wish to bother you with my unconscious processes, but maybe you can help me with this "strange" dream I had the other night...

I dreamt that I was ushered into some "Recovery" group, so I can heal...
The rules were that I had to be myself and everyone else had to be too. We were all supposedly "equal" on the path.
A collective "unmasking" on our way towards "Healing and Recovery".

I introduced myself and some English parish priest asked me to speak up with no barriers...Remember that was a place of healing...

The minute I opened my mouth to give my name to the group, which was comprised of many nationalities and "faiths", I burst out into tears.

I cried non stop and every time I wanted to utter a sentence, a rational phrase, my words would turn into tears that would come gushing out, profusely, inundating the floor...

In the dream, I tried to be brave, but this was no time for bravery...
I was offered a cup of coffee and asked to talk some more...
And I went searching for the words and all I managed to speak were more tears...

Words became like drops of salted water, taking a shape and form all by themselves, bursting forth like a fountain...and I saw them roll on the floor, between the chairs, around the feet of the attendees...rolling like crystal balls in all directions...

I looked out of the window and I saw a dark sky falling around us...

A "left wing" American Jewish woman I had met in my (real) distant past, came up to me...
I remember that she was a chronic lamenting woman from New York.
She walked towards me and gave me a "friendly" hug.
And she told me in a very heavy nasal accent that she knew all about "It", since her people had to go through the same "Thing"...

And in her embrace, she came very close and lingered a little longer, whispering in my ear saying : " And even today, the Arabs and the Palestinians have not stopped persecuting us ".

I freed myself from her arms...struggling away from her. I pushed her forcefully to the side and started screaming: " Enough of you, enough of all of you and enough of your lies..."

The English parish priest asked me to control myself, calm down and to recollect my composure...and he offered me a glass of something to drink...

I took the glass and smashed it on the floor and saw it break into a million pieces...pieces of crystal glass flying all over the place...mingling with the teardrops that were, by now, covering the whole room.

And I screamed some more..."Liars, fuck you all...fuck you all".

I woke up shouting the F. word, drenched in tears and in sweat.
I also noticed my fists tightly clenched as if ready to punch the darkness surrounding me...

Any interpretations that may be "useful" to you too?

Painter: Iraqi female artist, Eman Ali Khaled, "Whispers" 1992.

Comments

Anonymous said…
powerful, you said it all.
Anonymous said…
i have an interpretation but u wont let me post
Anonymous said…
As we were growing up, one of the most important things our parents told us was never to lie. If we did try, the consequences were dire and this is a vaulable lesson that has remained in our adult lives.

However, when we look around today, particularly at leaders (or so-called ones), lying seems to be a part of their general make-up, and we have watched Bush, together with his gang, lie, lie and lie through their teeth. I wonder if their mothers never instilled this very valuable lessons into them...

Yes, Layla, you and every Iraqi, and the world has been lied to. And your rage and tears are but a natural and justified reaction.

In solidarity.
Anonymous said…
A first class bitch!
Anonymous said…
Layla might symbolize Iraq or the pan-Arab body.

The healing & recovery therapy, the "normalization" (domestication) process.

The English parish, the UN or the "international community".

The "left wing" American Jewish woman, the armchair "anti-war" movement.

May yours be a PREMONITORY dream, dear sister, that our wounded nation will finally stop crying over its "cruel fate" while basking in the limbo of analgesic but deceptive half-solutions and find the courage to rise up in arms and "fuck" all declared enemies and false friends out of its land and history.
G.Gar said…
Dear Laila,

No one can speak about Iraq except an Iraqi. It clear to me that you are well phrased , passionate writer and despite of your emotionally charged language you don't let clear logic escape you.

So,you have to use your talent for the Iraqi cause

In most of "alternative" media websites and blogs, authors crack down on the rape of Iraq and defend the resistance. But still in the mean time they idolise Iran and Najad as and his anti hegemonic jingoism.Which is not in the best interest of Iraq on long term basis.

Alternative sites are starting to be popular now that mass opinions in the Anglo-Saxon world are tired of this bloody war, mainly becauae of the heroic Iraqi resistance.

For instance, widely read web site of Pakistani political researcher(http://fanonite.org/) and author in spin watch has been idolising the role of iran too much. While in the mean time, he defends the resistance.

After a marathon of debates between me and him about the collaborating Iranian agents inside Iraq. It seemed to me that he knows what is going on. He responded to my pressure by highlighting more the role of Sunni resistance as well as what he calls the Iraqi national Al-Sadr.

And what was making me angry is the Iranian commentators who are cunningly fusing the Anti-Iranian propaganda with the Iraqi cause.

Few left wing American bloggers have been won over by American propaganda( It has got something to do with subconscious prejudices against Arab culture), or it could be mere self interest an Arab Persian conflict is not really a matter of concern for left wing and humanitarian activists. It is saving innocent lives or, at least, that is what they claim

But for some reason the the Iranian narratives are resonating with him ( it is usually the way among non-Arab Muslims).

I'm sure you know very well what is best for you and how to help your own country. But I'm just suggesting what i think might be useful-so,I think you should use your impressive capabilities in exposing the iranian crimes in Iraq and the American Irani collaboration.

Don't let the cunning Diaspora Iranian put up an image of peaceful victimsed Iranians- while the Arabs are blood thirsty.

I basically dont give a damn what the other thinks about Arabs. But under such circumstances we have to be more cunning.

You dont have to publish this comment , if you think it wont be necessary. Don't get me wrong, I publicly attack American and western hypocrisies an prejudices against Arabs)

Don't worry about the dream we all get nightmares:) there is always light in the end of the tunnel.

Salam
3mre
Anonymous said…
Dream interpretation 101:

Your life is a mess. Sell all your belongs and join a convent. Sister Patricia is patiently waiting your arrival, at 98 years old; it’s been a while since someone has committed herself to the ‘self discipline’ of the faith.

Ps. I’m sure your sassy tongue will raise a few eyebrows, so you may want to practice your defensive maneuvers. The sisters are lethal when they pick up the switch. God help you if you’re left handed.

Good luck with that….

Prop
Layla Anwar said…
Samira, Salam and this may be one interpretation and a valid one...
You made me laugh :)
Layla Anwar said…
Dear Amre,

Thanks for your comments. You may be new to my blog but in almost all of my posts , Iran is mentioned either directly or indirectly...
I will not paste all the links to the posts here, I am short of time right now...but please feel free to have a look for yourself.
On another note, your observations and remarks on the anti war, american public, iran, and the rest are SPOT ON.
Wa Salam
Layla Anwar said…
prop,

I don't know why, but you remind me of that woman from NY in the dream...
in others words a racist zionist in sheep's clothes...
Just a thought and good luck with it.
Anonymous said…
Amre, please check the latest on uruknet.info. There is a good article by truth about iraqis blogspot.com on the extent of Iranian involvement in Iraq.
Layla,

There are no words I can offer except those embodied in your dream: tears, an ocean of tears.
Anonymous said…
Layla says…
”I don't know why, but you remind me of that woman from NY in the dream...in others words a racist zionist in sheep's clothes.”

Why am I in sheep clothing? I’m not ashamed to say that I think the Jews deserve a sliver of the planet to call their own. You on the other hand, think Arabs should be able to reign and destroy at will (but hem and haw when America does it).

Christians and Jews occupied the area currently know as Saudi Arabia yet neither one is allowed anywhere near it. A current percentage of either group is ‘statistically insignificant’. Like hitting the lottery. Yet the world is supposed to be sympathetic to the Palestinians (even the Arabs ignore them).. Go figure. That must take a sort of “Arab logic’ to figure out.

Trivia:
Name ONE piece of territory the ARABS have returned to their original owners? Iranians are fighting tooth and nail to keep their identity (albeit Islamic).

The British have done it.
The Americans have done it.
Come on now, you know how to follow the leaders. Just do it.

Are you going to post this or ban it like everything else that doesn’t praise your talent? Just like a typical Arab, pompous and deserving.
YOU are the one who can’t handle the truth. It’s your world that’s screwed up, not mine.

Ooooh yeah, I’ll sleep on that. My sheets are from India, my comforter from Canada, my pillow from China, my carpet from America…You know, I’ll be sleeping well, nightmare free.

Sleepy Prop
Layla Anwar said…
prop,

I give myself and my tribal sense of smell full credit...
I usually smell stenchy zionists like yourself miles away...Hats off to my semitic nose...
And sleep in piss, sorry meant peace...
Layla Anwar said…
Thank you Laura...cry me a river, cry me an ocean...
Anonymous said…
LOL..too funny.

I don't have love for Arabs, I think they are the biggest hypocrites on many social and political issues. Having said that, there are very few people on this planet I have sympathy for. Africa being the exception. they've been ignored by most of the developed world. It's sad and if I had my choice to help a people, it would be one of the African countries. What is going on in Iraq, has been happening in Africa for decades.

As for Americans, I blame us completely (for what it's worth).
Fighting in the world will never end, but until leaders are held accountable, it's all lip service.

pissy prop
Don Calladito said…
Layla, I will cry for you as well. I have cried often for the pain of the Middle East. Best wishes.
G.Gar said…
Layla

I have just checked the article. That is very good Iam going to quote it my upcoming post and comments.

salam
3mre
Layla, I try to do better than just crying - I spend up to 16 hours every day researching and writing on the topic along with a group of other researchers. We are unfunded except out of our own pockets, live a rather miserable existence (by Western standards, but certainly are in better shape than those we wish to help) in order to do this work. It's not much, and we don't have the media power that "they" have, but we hold to the hope that a butterfly that never stops flapping its wings CAN create a hurricane.

Yes, we cry every day, but we also let those tears fuel DOing.
Anonymous said…
I was just killing time on the web and I came across your site. It was more special than the other blogs. I actually read this one for quite some time.

If you are who you say you are, well...you are one of the most wonderful things ever placed upon this Earth.

These writings have touched my soul.

(Trust me, I know how that sounds.)

PS. I'll try to write more soon. Hopefully I'm smart enough.



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