Here is this Insomniac, with yet another cup of bitter coffee, overtaken by a deep malaise.
As I made sure, my mom was in her bed and not slouching on the sofa, I was reflecting on how difficult old age must be.
Then one thought took me to another...first the elderly, a very neglected group worldwide, more than children, also a group who suffers much taunting and different forms of abuse, from psychological to physical either by caretakers, in hospices, in hospitals, in pensioners homes, in "mouroirs" ....and obviously in war zones, victims of violence, brutality, loss, displacement and endless grief.
And another thought took me to another .. from how difficult it is to become old and fragile, vulnerable, to the difficulty of living in general.
I see it on people's faces, in what they fail, omit to say, in their sighs, in the brave fronts they put up, in their escapism, in their outbursts, in their withheld rage, in their pleas, in their race towards something so elusive they can't even define it.
And another thought took me to another...
Is this just a foretaste of the new world order ? Where most can't make ends meet apart from those living in bubbles, where most struggle daily to keep some invisible lid on ...lid on what ? an implosion ? an explosion ?
Is this the new world order of people losing their minds, breaking down or burning out ...or is it the pace, the intensity of the pace, the rush hour, the whirling madness of "getting things done" before, before what ? before an apocalypse ?
Is this the new world order where people drown themselves in ideologies, celebrities, tv screens, reality shows, cyber space, the delirium of religious dogma, drugs, booze, sex, porn...
Is this the new world order of broken identities, uprootedness, loss of meaning, a nihilism so pervasive , a make believe of normality...
Is this the new world order, where everything is fast; fast love, fast sex, fast food, fast consumption , fast cars, fast vacations, fast processors, fast enlightenment, fast guns....the gobbling up of what ?
Is this the new world order, a tall order of mediocrity and intellectual poverty ? Where everything has become difficult; from social relations, to family relations, to finances, to living conditions, to living environment, to living pace, to cities that can't breathe no more, to trees that can't breathe no more, to skies that can't breathe no more,...
The new world order of over stimulation; false needs, false desires, false successes, false priorities, false relations, false selves....where all is processed beforehand, pre-packed and pre-conditioned .
No wonder I feel this deep malaise, no wonder I feel it in the atmosphere, in everything around me, in the streets, in the mosques, in the churches, in the malls, in the souks, in the offices, in the neighborhoods, in each and every single one....
As for those who live in bubbles, well you know what bubbles do don't you ?
Do I have a solution ?
Yes, in a way I do. Stick to the simple things in the Present...because all the rest is just a question of survival.