October 9, 2009

Le Pissoir...

Pissoir is the French word for a public urinal.

I am not trying to be a snob or anything, but could not find the equivalent in English.

And why do I have to explain myself linguistically, when you have been pissing on us, literally speaking.

You as in England, G.B, U.K, whatever the fuck you want to call yourselves...

Listen, I have nothing against the English per se, apart from their lousy food. You can't consider mushy peas, Cornish pasties, pork pies as food. Can you now ?

Got nothing against you folks. Apart from your lousy cockney and/or, plum stuck up in ass, accent...

Got nothing against you folks, apart from the fact that you're such a bunch of political hypocrites behind your "detached" facades of stiff upper lip.

Got nothing against you folks, apart from the fact for your Commonwealth and Her Majesty are still bestowing favors on the subjects...

You guys amuse me. I like your sense of humor and your grace to grass empire delusions.

Grace to grass was a term given to me by an African friend. One from one of your former colonies, who was not at all amused...

Honestly now, why are you people so bent on making fools of yourselves ? And me who thought that, compared to the Americans, you are a fairly educated bunch...the educated bunch from the old world.

Why are you so bent on farting higher than your collective asses ? Beg you pardon, meant arses, as in the correct English pronunciation.

Frankly, you've been smacked so many times in history. By the Iraqis and Arabs, by the Indians, by the Africans...Why are you so adamant about being trashed ?

Because trashed is what you have been. And what you will be.

Look at the Americans and the rest of your European buddies trash you.

Look at how hated you are in the rest of the world.

Here in the Arab world, whenever someone mentions an "Inglezee", (an English "person") it is almost always followed by "Kiss emm el Ingleez".

I am sorry I can't translate "kiss emm el Ingleez" for you, it is a very impolite word and am such a good, docile Muslim, Arab, Iraqi woman...Maybe your office for Foreign Affairs can translate it for you.

Honestly, am not trying to be nasty or anything...I am following objective policy guidelines, a bit like the BBC, and doing objective impartial reporting. And am afraid to report that every time your names are mentioned it is followed by "kiss emm El-Ingleez".

They call you here "rass el hayeh" - the viper's head.

You know why, right ? Because you have no personality left. You are slaves to the Americans...after you taught them the art...

Ya Allah, what a shame...you are not even mentioned or thanked as being the good perverted Victorian nannies that you are.

Listen, I have nothing against English folks. I love scones and cream...I love Eric Clapton and the Beatles...and Fish & Chips, soaking in toilet paper news...I really do.

I love eating curry from the "Commonwealth". In Southall, Brixton and the rest...I love the fact that you are colonized by "foreigners".

But do you really have to piss on us ?

After all, we've built your railroads, your industries, your infrastructure...we the subjects from the Commonwealth. We, the "common" wealth "belonging" to Mother England.


Listen, I am one of those annoying "subjects".

I am past 40 and have just about seen it all...

No, have seen it all.

I have seen you pouring beer in your shoes and drinking from them saying -- cheers.

I have seen you soaking yourself once a fortnight in a bath, leaving grime and grease behind, all the while complaining how dirty we are...

I have seen you not recognizing a geographical location on a map...

I have seen you, farting higher than your asses, desperately trying to play Glubb Pasha again...

I have seen your sun stroked shrimp colored men and women...talking down to the "native" teaching him/her...

I have seen your plum in the ass/arse accent disappear with a few drinks...

I have seen you...

I, the incognito Iraqi woman, have seen you.

Now, do you really need to piss on/in us, knowing what a public urinal- pissoir, you collectively have become and are?

Excuse me, I had a bit wee much to drink...can I piss on you now ?

Oh, thank you. I was sure you would love it.