July 21, 2009

Weapons for Sale...

A bunch of us - Iraqis, would like to donate our weapons for a modicum sum...We do not hide the fact that it is a lucrative business, and since Americans are so bent on finding WMD's in Iraq, we thought we'd ease their task...

We found the WMD's and we're willing to sell them too. They are potent, lethal and can cause mass destruction, irreparable damage.

OK, we agree not as much as your weapons, but trust us, they too have long term effects - they are even capable of making extra holes in the ozone layer. This is how powerful they are.

After all, since 2003, and since their "liberation" some Iraqis are selling their organs to make ends meet, surely selling our home made, home fabricated weapons can be considered more ethical, no ? A more legal, legitimate way, to learn the basics of entrepreneurship, and earn a decent living, don't you agree ?

And once in possession of our WMD's, you will find that peace can finally reign on earth. You would have cornered the culprits, brought them to justice, avenged the victims of 9/11 and finally found the ultimate rationale for your endless occupations....

We hold that key. We have that secret. We can justify your "extra curricular" activities...we will restore meaning and the lost sense of purpose...

We found them, we own them, we even produce them - those WMD's. And we are even willing to trade in them...

Are you game ?

Would you finally like to whitewash your faces in the international public arena ? Would you finally like to be given "gain de cause" ? Would you finally like to be proven right and righteous in your messianic quests and missions ?

We have the answers. We have what you need.

We found them. We found the weapons of Mass Destruction.

Last night, we were all gathered, after a copious meal of fasuliah - beans and rice.

Two of our comrades farted - the other two fainted. We then knew we were onto something big. Real big. The two fainted comrades turned blue and showed signs of asphyxiation by proxy. No amount of rose water or cologne woke them up. We knew we were onto something lethal that could change the course of history...

WMD's - we found them. They were hidden in the beans. And they are deadly.


Please call Mohamed Al Baradaei from the Nuclear Agency and re-send your UNSCOM men, Butler, Ritter and the rest...gas masks will be provided by the Jewish State, by Israel. They never took them off since Gulf War 1. Sharon is still wearing one.

We leave trading of organs for the desperate ones, we trade in the real thing. We are the new nuclear scientists, we are the geniuses, we are the champions. And we are trading our best secrets - for a humble sum. We will make you big, we will make you unforgettable, you will mark history, you will be the new Saladins of the 21st century.

Think about it. The war on terror will be a thing of the past. 9/11 a remote, bad souvenir. Osama bin Laden ? Afghanistan ? Pffft...who cares! You found them, you found the real thing.

Iraqi WMD's hidden in a plate of beans.

Oops, fart. Just let another one go...

Hurry now, before we become yet again, another rogue state, another axis of evil collaborating with North Korea.

Hurry now, before it all evaporates.