March 5, 2007
"Down there" in the dark, dark, Chamber...
Some of you may have noticed, I have not written about Torture per se.
I simply could not.
I have said it before and will repeat it again. I am someone who needs to digest things and find that inner place of partial acceptance.
And Torture is that thing where I have not managed to find that inner place, to digest.
It is simply indigestible...No use trying to force acceptance. I will NEVER accept it.
For the sake of this post, I have watched tens of videos of Abu Ghraib torture.
And this has been going on for two weeks already. And every single time, the emotion is so strong, it paralyzes me...
I had seen them in the past and I have even met a couple of "survivors" and I was unable to conjure up that necessary "lieu" of objective detachment so I can write about it.
Even today, I am not capable of it.
So what you will be getting in the following lines is graphic and crude. As graphic and as crude as the reality of Abu Ghraib brought about by your own hands.
I have deliberately opted not to post any images from Abu Ghraib.
Not because I care about your sensitivities. I, in fact, don't give a fuck about them. But because I respect the bodies of those who were tortured.
And being true to them, I have not posted pictures of their naked bodies parading in front of you. Their bodies are as sacred as the land that gave birth to me.
I need to go down, very down...in that dark, dark place and be with them.
There is no way I can be a simple observer, a spectator...
I need to go through the motions myself and feel it all.
Every single act of blasphemy. Every single instance of humiliation. Every single moment of nakedness. Every single second of torture...
Only then can I relay to you the reality of Abu Ghraib.
And it does take a woman.
Men are too busy hiding behind a false facade of bravado.
As for women, they do not mind showing their innermost vulnerabilities. It is in fact the core center of our strength.
So be prepared...
Down there, in the dark, dark Chamber...where obscurity is partial.
To the watchful seething, ogling eye of the janitor. The blond blue eyed boy who landed in this land already heavily laden with concepts and images.
Fouad Ajami, Bernard Lewis and Raphael Patai were instrumental in "deciphering" the Arab mind. They informed the not so "White House", how Arabs think and feel about sexuality and their bodies.
Raphael Patai, in particular, whom I went to great lengths to read his most tedious book "The Jewish Mind" explains the particularities of the Arab "species."
In contrast naturally, to the Jewish ones who are genetically wired for highly "moral" behavior.
Already this book had me nauseating...wait till you read about the rest...
So armed with this "intimate knowledge" of the "Arab libidinal psyche" a la Fouad Ajami, Bernard Lewis and Raphael Patai (one of Lewis's best friends), your not so great U.S of A went ahead and applied its new found knowledge about the locals, the native "Eye Raqis."
I have always maintained that if you can't spell the damn word, don't use it. But obviously that has not been the case. "N'est ce pas" righteous Left?
To cut a long story short and I urge you to google Patai and Co. Since you love googling everything to give credibility to your life and its epistemological meanings...
Armed with this "inner psychological" knoweldge of the Arab mind...Please do check my Arab mind whilst you are it - it has a few wires missing....Maybe your neo-freudians would be much obliged to analyze my libidinal impulses for me.
Wait a second here...I can already tell them it is telluric...seeping underground like a nasty,vile snake...making its way into the infested damp cells of Abu Ghraib.
A snake amongst roachs and rats.
Yeah, a black snake that will poison you existence...
Lucifer was after all a bearer of Truth. The black truth that your puritanical minds cannot absorb.
The truth about your sadistic sex and kinky orgasms whilst seeing those "lesser", "subhumans" motherfuckers doing it for you...Doing what you cannot do for yourselves...the good God loving, holy people that you are.
Do excuse me if I have to stop every now and then, to throw up. It is all so fresh in my mind.
Some things one never gets used to.
This is a struggle...a torture...trying to write about torture.
I find myself fidgeting on my keyboard. I want to smash the screen. I hold back...I take a few deep breaths...My fingers can't follow...Good Lord how much I need to rip you apart...
I met A. He was sodomized and made to masturbate in front of everyone. He keeps his eyes to the floor when talking. He,then places his hand over his face, looks away and swallows his manly tears...He shuts up.
There is nothing to say. There is everything to say but he can't say anything. He already said it all...
I know you love details. Details turn you into believers. You get high on them.
The intricacies of it all...Enough to make you orgasm.
I will give you details sons of bitches. You want details...here have it from me.
A "subdued","submissive" Arab woman...and see and if you get a hard on later.
Little perverted "voyeurists" that you are...let me give it to you.
Imagine yourself shitting on your favorite toilet bowl. Yeah that is right, take a dump now.
And let me smear your own shit and maybe that of your neighbors over your white reddish pale body.
That is it ...Smell it now...
Here you are tainted with a whole load of brown crap...all over your body.
Now walk up and down the aisle you son of a bitch...
No...you crawl now you son of a hooker...
Smell yourself. Stand right there. Don't move. Masturbate for me. Go on...do it...
You can't get a hard on? I will help you, you motherfucker...
Let me call in someone else. Bring H. to the cell.
Now you masturbate you motherfucker, dirty Iraqi. I don't want to see your filthy eyes. Let someone place a bag over this motherfucker's head.
I have now 10 hooded men masturbating for you...And am sitting laid back...smoking a cigarette...
The odor of shit annoys me... but hey I love it. Its kinky...those fucking Eye raqi assholes.
Come her Lynndie let me fuck you and impregnate you in the name of Jesus. I just had a hard on.
She is pregnant...Do you have any regrets Miss? No, none whatsoever.
Wait it gets better in the dark, dark chamber of your mind.
Who is that motherfucker?
I don't know Sir..
Cut him off.
And his penis lies next to him....And you are having another hard on...the best S & M pornography ever...and you have not paid one cent for it...Live from Baghdad.
Who are those whores?
I don't know Sir
Let's have some pussy here
Let me fuck this bitch...
Hey T...R..P... want to have some tight Eyeraqi pussy here?
Yeah Sir, and they drooled and me, the snake, saw their saliva dripping on my head.
I recoiled and watched them doing it...
But sex and masturbation were not enough...
Hey,you EyeRaki Dogs...crawl on four you motherfuckers...that's it...bring the leash. In the name of Jesus...we have the truth and we are saved. Let him soak in his own piss..
This is one ugly motherfucker...cover his fucking face with his shit underwear.
I want those motherfuckers to die slowly...ha ha ha
Say Jesus, you son of a whore!
Ok, you can finish him off
Hmm wait let me see...Darling...come on over her ..what turns you on most?
Let's see darling, those infidels...shred them to pieces...hallelujah...am coming now....
In the name of the Lord ...Let him crawl like a "dawg". Let the other inmates fuck him and shoot into the infidel motherfucker...Yeah finish off that "dawg" now...
Oh darling, am in rapture now...Lord Jesus...come into my heart now!
Ms Kapinsky? (or whatever your fucking name is...I wont google it..you bitch) It was not my fault.
Our boys are good...really good...Blame it on PTSD.
HBO just ran a program on how good and innocent they are...deep down in the dark dark chamber...of your mind.
Arab wankers orgasmed at the genius of it all...Check the blogs....the fucking lefties...like AngryArab.com.
Our boys are good...they made them do it...you need to understand about social psychology...they made us do it...yeah that is right.
Here am I am shiverrrrrrrrrrrrrrring with PTSD and they made me do it.
When I could not rape and could not make ayrabs masturbate...When I could not place electrical pods to their genitals...when Abeer was too much of a give away...
I retreated back into PTSD.
What I did instead, and please tell me Mister Shrink if am still ok...or not?
I took the brains of dead iraqis and froze them in my refrigerator...Do you think that is ok?
Were they dead Son?
Sure they were Doc. I made sure they were gone.
Hmm...let us see here... DSM4....yeah that is ok Son...it's only PTSD
Gee thanks Doc..I was a little worried here.
Nothing to worry about Son, you were under a lot of stress that is all...Liberation is precious. Liberation is hard work.
God bless you Sir.
God bless you my Son...
Jesus is so forgiving, so merciful...it's only an Eye Raqi brain that you kept as trophy of your bravery...chill out ...Jesus loves you.
Abeer, my darling of a girl Abeer.
Please forgive me for not writing earlier. I simply could not.
And trust, that is taking me all the courage in the world to address you.
You are as sacred if not more than the womb that gave birth to me.
I know you were young...in your prime, when you left us.
You are a symbol...and I even feel ashamed saying that.
I am like the Abu Graib prisoner hiding his face and looking onto the floor...
I hide my shame from you...
Do forgive me.
Abeer, your pictures were posted everywhere.
I don't need your picture.
I heard how it happened.
They turned you on your stomach so they don't have to face your eyes, your face.
And the sons of a whore said you squirmed and screamed...
You heard shot guns in the room, next door
and they took turns raping you...
They had planned it
You were nothing but an eye raqi
a tight vagina
for the good prime boys
Their hatred of you
You heard the gun shots
they finished them off
and you still squirmed...
but you are nothing
in their eyes
just a hole
a virgin hole
They took turns
the blond blue eyed brave ones
the sons of lamenting mothers...
You were nothing but a hole Abeer.
Am sorry to put it that way to you.
They tied your legs,
and without even looking into your eyes
they shot you in the brains.
Then they set you on fire...
Abeer my little one...
You were a thing,like the oil well...
you were nothing but a source of abundance...
a hole in the ground...
that they had to appropriate.
They will burn us all...
And the arab wankers will masturbate to their victory...
HBO said so.
They laughed and applauded.
Abeer, I took the shame onto myself
am hiding from you now.
Abeer, and Abu Ghraib prisoners, am sorry...
I am only a woman...a snake sometimes...and I change skins lest the turbaned ones find out about me.
And am very sorry.
I now cover my face, just like you did...down there, in the dark, dark chamber of their Minds.
Painting: Iraqi female artist, Betool Fekeiki