December 31, 2010

Goodbye 2010

I am looking forward to a new year and have prepared a few rituals to close the door on 2010.

All this is very symbolic, but a necessary rite of passage...

I have no resolutions to mention, I believe in transformation, not resolutions...I believe in metamorphosis not lists of - I must, I should...This, on a purely personal level.

Insofar as Iraq is concerned, I am not optimistic. The American/Iranian destruction has been too deeply structurally ravaging - generations of Iraqis will be paying the price of your evilness for decades to come.

I might be closing the door on 2010, but one thing I will never let go of, is my deep contempt and loathing for the United States of America.

I see you as midgets, the midgets of history and no amount of new year resolutions will change that, not in 2011, not in 2020....and no amount of rituals, magic or prayers will lift that cruel but sweet and well deserved karma you will be collectively facing. Of that am sure.

The Dead, the Missing, the Maimed, the Amputated, the Wounded, the Traumatized, the Deformed, the Widows, the Orphans, the Exiled of Iraq wish you a Happy 2011.

December 30, 2010

The Final Chapter...

I just spent a whole hour giving birth to a poem
so called poem
a few lines
wrenched from my guts
with the forceps of a Condi Rice
propelled from my womb
with phosphorus labor pangs

My connection to the outside world
died on me
I lost my poem
my few lines
from a final chapter
from a long lost
forgotten book...

My connection died on me
like others died on me
slumping like pieces of wood
in my arms
charcoal brown
a withered dried leaf
in Autumn
blue, a Summer sky
pastel pale
budding flowers in Spring
white as a snow flake
a full moon
in a crispy cold
Winter night.

My connection died on me
this is not the first time
me who wanted
to write heroic epics
made of magical numbers and codes
made of lost dwellings
and secret rites
of an ancient people.


I lost my lines
the lines of a final chapter
from a never ending story...
This is my final chapter
a few sentences
from a poem betting
on connections...

This is my final chapter
from a long love story
a romance
with ghosts
where lovers
meet in graves,
erect tomb stones
in each other's names...

This is my final chapter
a graffiti of Freedom
sprayed on brick walls
dividing you
dividing me,
dividing me.

Plastered on my words
drowning my voice
cheap posters
images
of chadors and unshaven men
with yellowed teeth
yellowed like the book
am holding in my hand
the long lost book...


This is my final chapter
my final cry
my final tear.


This is my final chapter
my Love
time has come
to bury
you.

December 25, 2010

Baghdad's Bloody Xmas Leaks...

Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? Season's Greetings? What Christmas, what Holidays, what Greetings?!

Another Christmas has gone by and the American Santa has delivered us nothing but body bags and blood containers...

Now that Arab Sunnis have been ethnically cleansed and exiled in thousands, it is the Iraqi Christians turn.

For the Festivities, they closed down their Churches, ripped the decoration, packed their suitcases and forced themselves into a permanent exile.

Around this time of the year, between the 24 and 31st of December, the corrupt criminal Jingle Bell boys installed by the US Santa are sure to deliver you some goodies...

No wonder this time of the year is the most painful one for me. Excruciatingly so.

Moreover a friend in Baghdad, I'll call him/her A.sent me the following :

I don't know where to start...there is no day that goes by without news of assassinations and killings. The use of the Silencer gun is their preferred method. Just a few days ago, there was another murder a few streets from where we live. The guy was found dumped on the road! Again, a few days ago there was another killing with the Silencer in the Yarmuk area, the body had no ID.

The Silencer has become quite popular. These are deaths I have heard about through friends and some death are so near by... and every other day a member of my family comes home and tells me another person has been killed. Killings are taking place in broad day light even in busy areas... for instance, a couple of people were walking by and all of a sudden some guy just falls over shot with a silencer gun. Some people are saying it reminds them of 05 06 07 when they woke up and found people dead on the streets. Sometimes there are 2 or 3 assassinations a day...many of them we dont know much about because its only word of mouth, things dont get out much here.

Just got today there were HEAPS of Silencer killings today... In Mansour apparently the treasurer of Malikis party was killed and director general of ministry of electricity...those are the known people, the others are unknown. Some say they wonder how they've even managed to dodge all the killings that are going on, its getting worse day by day. Needless to add, there are also daily explosions.

Freedom of speech is as you know very rare, I don't know if I can survive living here any longer, you're not allowed an opinion and you're not allowed to be outspoken in any way. On 5th of December in the Afternoon a journalist was killed in the Mansour area...in broad daylight. People were saying that he was more or less outspoken (probably spoke out against the government). Oh and he was also killed with the Silencer gun.

Christians families are moving out of Baghdad to the North on their way out of the country.
One family I heard of, came back from the North to pack the remaining of their belongings, they were slaughtered outside their house.

People are feeling particularly unsafe this month and all are trying to avoid going out. There is a weird feeling going around, a great feeling of uncertainty. And the rise in assassinations with silencer guns is quite frightening...

Oh and before the electricity goes out, did you know that the government is planning on closing all clubs, even family clubs!

end of message.

That shit radio is playing yet another Christmas song...something in me is dying, it's already dead...

I haven't really celebrated anything since 2003.

And nothing since December 2006.

December 18, 2010

American Blues...

Truth be told, I tremendously dislike you...at times I vehemently hate you.

Iraq apart...aside, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Somalia and the rest aside,

I find you petty, stupid, dumb, uncultured and uncivilized...

I hate your fucking chewing gum, your lifestyle, your ideals, and your ideas...I happen to believe you have no ideas. To have an idea presupposes you are capable of independent thought...which, alas, is not the case.

I also tremendously dislike your left, your anti war politically correct crowd. I find them opportunistic, shallow, parrot like, and anyone can buy them with a buck ($) or two.

I don't respect America. Truth be told.

I don't respect America or Americans...

In my hearts of hearts, despite your technology, your death industry, very potent I must add..
Despite your trying so hard to "alternatively" cultivate yourselves here and there...

I find you quite provincial.

Not only do I find you provincial...in your mind frame, in your ways of being, I also find you terrible naive in an devilish sort of way...

Your lies disturb me, tremendously so. No matter how much you are told the truth, you will stick to any lie that is convenient for you...

Since you are a people who can't see beyond their navels, in other words, totally myopic - regardless of how much you've been around - you are a people that does not interest me the least bit.

You are boring, you are predictable, you are basically full of bullshit.

You have fully become the stereotype you struggle against.

Struggle is a big word...

No American has truly struggled in anything, nor on any front...You are fucking drama queens...inventing enemies and fronts to give you a raison d'être...

Your men are boring, your women are even more so, and your nasal shit of an accent is an affront to anything called "harmony of the senses".

Nothing in you impresses me. Nor your left, nor your right, nor your so called intellectuals...nor God forbid, your academics.

For me, your're like American idol- the show. You like to think you're a cause célèbre, but you're totally perdue. LOST.

Besides, no one outside your borders gives a fuck about you as a "people". Sorry but that's the honest truth.

Yeah, that's the way it is.

I wonder why ?!

Iraqi Blues...

A Open Letter to the Iraqis.

You must know, it is not you who keeps me going, it is Iraq.
It is the collective memory, the collective consciousness that keeps me going...not you.

You are a sham of a people.
It hurts me to say so publicly but that is the truth.

I am not an idiot. I understand people and where they come from...I know the pain and I know the apprehension, the fear, the shut up keep quiet...
This is not to minimize the wounds
nor to bury the scars
this is a plea for a Revolt
not even a plea
just a statement, an open letter...


I am so disappointed in you
all of you
specially those of you on the outside
I am no idiot
I know you're still alive
I know you're struggling
and I know how opportunistic you have become...

It shames me
I want to hide in shame
cover myself in blankets
of forgetfulness...

This is not what I learned
this is not what I saw
before
before...

I am not sure anymore
if there's a before
if there's an after


All I know is
lives gone in vain
sacrificed for you
And you
you
where are you ?


I see no point fighting
in the cemeteries
of Conscience


Green cards, titles, Members of Parliament
special passes and body guards.

You jumped on a bandwagon
that takes you nowhere
you are dead
already dead...


I must call it an open letter to the Dead
I stand a better chance
to be heard.

December 16, 2010

Iraq Will Not Go On The Back Burner.

Yeah you read me right, Iraq will not go on the back burner.

What the fuck is this ?! I am everywhere...I read, I observe, I hear.. All of you should be repeating IRAQ day in, day out...yes Iraq, a WHOLE country gone because of your silence...a WHOLE nation, a WHOLE people...

What the fuck is this ?! Someone slap me, someone pinch me...I can't believe the Silence.

I repeat -- a US military armada greater than the size of the one used during World War II invaded this country, a country the size of California and that during the 21st century-- the age of Human rights, the age of the Global Village, the age of Democracy. And you are still silent?

During World War 2, the civilian cost was roughly 45%. During Vietnam it was 70% and during the US invasion and occupation of Iraq it is at 90%.

And you are still silent ? I can't fucking believe it!

What are you trying to tell me here ? Are you trying to tell me that this a fait accompli and I should accept it ? If this is so -- then, accept the Israeli Jewish Zionist occupation of Palestine.


I am disgusted with you lot, I am disgusted and my disgust knows no nationality, no boundaries, no frontiers...

I am also disgusted with the fucking Iraqis...

I can't believe it. Not over my dead body, Iraq will never go on the back burner.

December 15, 2010

Broken Bottle Blues...

Refer to my previous post first.

Some wrote to me wanting "clarifications" regarding the video I referred to in my previous "rant".

First, I have already translated this video into English and it was published on Uruknet some weeks ago.

So here we go again.

Video is of Jaysh Al-Mahdi army of Muqtada Al-Sadr (who wants a ban on bottles of alcoholic drinks) torturing by sodomizing a detainee with a broken bottle. In beginning of video which I forced myself to watch over 3 times for the sake of Truth

-the torturer says: are you going to talk or do you want the bottle again.
-the man pleads with him, more like shrieks like a regressed infant about to rejoin the womb again.
- the man gets sodomized again and you can hear his screams
- the man dies
- the aide says he's dead.
- the torturer asks again - is he dead for sure, bring the electrical cables
- another voice says throw water on him to wake him up
- another man says - no he's dead for sure.
- the man is dead from sodomy by a broken bottle in the New Iraq.

I want this video circulated widely with the brief translation that I have just given you now. And I want it shoved in the Western, Muslim and Arab faces of the pro-Iran - antiwar, liberal, progressive, left accomplices in the death of this detainee. One death out of thousands in the new Iraq of Freedom and Democracy.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and vomit my guts out.

December 14, 2010

Drilling Blues...

My life seems to be made out of Blues...postnasal blues, drilling blues, woman's blues, Iraqi blues...

Is it the blues or is it an obsession ?

Maybe am obsessed...am totally obsessed, possessed more like it...maybe it's the "aura" of the "anti American" "fiery nationalistic cleric" Muqtada Al-Sadr that has taken hold of me. Maybe I can't shake off those Muqtada Blues...

It's not that I have anything against fat bastards with rotting teeth...as long as I am not asked to kiss them, or be forced to kiss them...in the context of the Shiastan blues.

In present day Iraq, if you can't afford to kiss, you are drilled...okay you were drilled, now you're just playfully poked, jabbed with manual screw drivers or you're just sodomized to death like in this video courtesy of the Jaysh Al-Mahdi now re-baptized as some cultural and charity organization who plays poker politics and vies the Ministries of "Education, Culture, Trade, Finance, Health"...to the great pleasure of the antiwar and leftists crapolas on Iran's payroll.

You see in the new Iraq all is permissible - trafficking of children, sexual slavery as in Muta'a temporary marriages for 10$ till contract do us part, having your ass grilled on barbecues as a form of torture (cannibalism coming soon), sodomy till death do us part, abductions, kidnappings, arbitrary arrests, day light killings, stealing, theft, corruption...all of that is permissible...really. You're really fine if you engage in any or all of the above activities/hobbies. But...

But please...you need to respect the local "conservative" "Islamic" "culture" of the country, you need to respect morals and have a modicum of decency...hence, sorry you're not allowed to consume any alcoholic drink...that would be most "haram". You will be surely trespassing against the laws of God and the Vilayat al Faqih from Qum - Iran. That will make the Ayatollahs and the Mullahs most displeased...

You shall not be blessed no more in the new Iraq with 2.8 ethanol running in your veins.

Listen, as long as we can sodomize you till death, you're fine..but please don't drink and don't drink and smoke and don't drink and drive...OK?

Ah, never mind me ! Just got a bad case of the drilling blues...

December 9, 2010

Post Nasal Blues ...

I get a weird form of Sinusitis...the doc calls it postnasal drip. So when the cold or "kewl" season arrives, I take all my precautions...

I'm an obsessive Arab. I wash everything. But I can't wash away those nasal blues...

The other day, I overheard that postnasal drip. I was kind of stuck, could not run for the nearest exit, as I usually do, in such unfortunate circumstances.

That squeaky, mousy, nasal shit was being drilled in my ears...like some long whine, a never ending whine...

I have sensitive ears...I do, really.

And these drawn out words were doing me in...

I felt the panic rise in me...breath deep woman. In, out...inhale, exhale...

This is what happens to me every time I hear an American accent...something in me snaps and flips.

I shared that with a friend ...who assured me I was not insane. He told me -- you just have the American postnasal blues and it keeps dripping...

December 6, 2010

Yeah, Iraq again !

I am really sorry to bother you...I know you have more important things. Health insurance, tax cuts, BP spill and another flotilla to Gaza.

Yeah it's Iraq again. And will always be.

I will not let this GENOCIDE go by. I will not allow the Holocaust of Freedom and Democracy vanquish me...so it's Iraq again on the agenda. I put it on the agenda, top priority, top of the list.

Iraq, a country the size of California, where by the words of a General of the US.army, (Odierno), has witnessed the BIGGEST, LARGEST movement of military equipment -- the US armada --since WORLD WAR II.

In other words, since World War II there has not been anything similar...for a country the size of California.

World War II ? Do any of you read history at all ? Do you know how many allies there were during World War II ? And during World War II, military technology was not as "advanced".

Iraq, the size of California, a "third world" country, broken by over 10 years of sanctions, and all this military might to defeat the "enemy". And you expect me to let it go just like that and concentrate on your tax cuts, health insurance, spills and flotillas ?

Oh boy, you don't really know what a true Iraqi is.

Fact of the matter is I will NEVER let it go. Not until some Justice is done. Like it or not - that's the way it is and that's the way it shall be...

No one talks of Iraq anymore...hardly ever. Re-read what I just wrote above.

Fuck it, I will not let those bastards drive us into the shadows of cemeteries. I claim life by claiming words.

Yet I feel so powerless...an old keyboard, hundreds of articles, hundreds of testimonies and a lonely voice. Where are the Iraqis ?

Did they all become ghosts of this Occupation ? Is there anyone at home ?

At times I want to give up...this is not something I can do alone...I am not superwoman, ignorance surrounds me like a thick wall of silence...I try to keep that tiny flame alive in me...in the darkness. Its death means mine.

No, I will not let them erase it.

Facing my old keyboard and typing these words, incoherent at times, is my only sanity...

No I will not let them erase it.

It's Iraq again.

December 4, 2010

Blow it Away...To a suicide Bomber.

I understand the need to blow up, explode...I see where you, the poor you is coming from...I understand what you've been through, how they managed to capitalize on your pain...

Most likely, you're still young, a starter, wanting to do it well...wanting to gain favors, you who have lost it all.

See that body laying there in pieces...it's yours.

Next to it lies tens of other bodies...dispersed like flowers in a field...a field, a garden, you've always wanted to visit.

I went to the butcher this afternoon

He's in the habit of selling dead meat

He's a kind man...he's doing his best.

I went to the vegetable stalls,

He's 40 something, has 5 kids, and is God fearing

maybe he does cheat a little every now and then

but his crime is nothing compared to yours...

December 3, 2010

Looking Back...

I have to rush out but I really need to write down those impressions before heading for the door...

I went through my usual Friday morning ritual; buy the daily paper, and go for a coffee. I always try to find a secluded corner - I hate noise, and am not too friendly with crowds. I found a nice spot by the window. I like being by the window, makes me feel part of the outside world yet this transparent glass acts like some barrier, frontier, border, separation...a necessary distance.

Ten minutes later, 2 elderly couples walked in, they must have been in their mid to late 70's. Am not really good at guessing ages - anything beyond 40 is difficult for me to figure out.

At first, I felt an annoyance stir up in me, after all I went to great length to find that exact spot and now it's being invaded by two couples. But they looked jovial and happy, the ladies were elegantly dressed and the husbands looked caring. A refreshing breeze from the usual stale energy and the deep frowning lines engraved like some national trademark, some stamp of national recognition...

My slight irritation eased off as I observed these two couples reminiscing with joy at some past stories. They talked of a certain wedding where the bride tripped, a cousin's birthday party, a vacation they took together...and they found it all very amusing, laughing their heads off...

They were looking back in time...

I noticed that about the elderly, whenever they converse together or when you actually take time to talk to them and listen, they will almost always refer to the past...to some reservoir of memories and souvenirs that they have kept like a photo album in their minds...

Could it be that when one reaches old age, the future is no longer relevant ? Could it be that when you are in your 70's, 80's and death is sure to knock on your door, leading you to the Unknown -- the past becomes your anchor, your raison d'être to continue your remaining days with a little joy ?

From my observations, I feel this is very much the case.

Of course, as in situations like this one, my mind always takes me back to Iraq...and I wondered what will the elderly of Iraq fall back onto ? What kind of memories and souvenirs ?

I noticed the glass window separating me from the outside world growing denser, more opaque, misty, as if covered with a fog, a cloud of smoke and exhaling breaths...

The place was slowly filling up, it was time for me to find another spot.

December 1, 2010

Iraqi Wajd...

Wajd in Arabic can mean trance, ecstasy, passion, rapture...

Halet Wajd means a state of trance, ecstasy, passion, rapture.

Iraq despite and in spite of it all -- still inspires me with all the above.



Youtube : Nasser Shamaa, Iraqi Artist, composer and Oud virtuoso. uploaded by saeed885